Almost Done

It's been a few days since we've heard from our major creditors, they must have gotten the hint that we've filed for bankruptcy. It actually took more than a hint for a few of them, who kept calling Troy at work, long after we filed. We had to have our lawyer call them & set them straight. I really hate when they don't follow the rules, it just makes things harder for everyone. We even got "punished" by our electric company, too. They charged us a $165 "deposit" because we filed bankruptcy. We have to have it paid by the 15th, or they'll shut off our power. What if we couldn't pay it? Doesn't filing chapter 7 in the first place mean that you're having problems with bills? Why does it make sense to charge us more when we have never skipped paying that bill or ever even late?

Whatever. It's all over but the meeting with the creditors anyway. We've turned in our financial statements, records of earnings and credit reports, we've shown that we'd have to pay out more than we earn if we keep all of our debt & I have no doubt that it'll all be discharged on the 16th & we'll be free to start over again. All we have left to do is our financial management class & to get a copy of our March bank statement. I'm just so ready to stop worrying about money all the time honestly. I've lost so much sleep over the past couple of years, and it's all been due to financial worry. I just want to start saving money & get a chance to live again, instead of just barely surviving.

I Thought it was Spring?

Apparently The Lady is playing a trick on us today, since we got about a foot of snow between 11:30pm last night & about 10am today. It was fairly heavy snow, which is what we usually get this time of year. I was really hoping we wouldn't get very much, which I know makes me delusional, but doesn't mean I wanted it any less. I'm so ready for flip flops, grilling, capris & cold drinks you wouldn't even believe it.

I hate winter more & more every year. It used to never really bother me, I even looked forward to the snow, but then I started getting older & everything started hurting when it was cold. Now, I freeze all the time & just want to bask in the sun for awhile & forget about how cold I was in the winter. I want to work in my yard & play in my yard, I want to get my garden planted & ready to go. Camping. Swimming. Walking. All of those fantastic things we love to do when it's warm, hurry up summer!!

Just Thinking

As a direct result of the earlier phone call, I can't stop thinking about old friends & wondering what they're up to. The friend talked about earlier, was someone I originally met on IRC and then a few months later, in real life. I actually met her in person the same day I met Dave, and this was close to 14 years ago.

We had some friends that lived here move away to Nebraska back in 1998 or 1999, we've only really seen them a couple of times since then. There are times when I really miss them a lot, we were pretty close to them for a few years. He was one of the few men I knew back then that was so insecure about going bald that he wore a hat all the time & was secretly using one of those hair loss treatment products. I often wonder if he ever came to terms with it, or if he eventually got plugs or something.

Another friend left long before that, in 1996, when his marriage ended. We ended our friendship on bad terms & haven't heard from him since then. He & I were very close, and there are days still, when I miss him to the core. I will always wonder where he went & what he did with his life.

There are many that I'm thankful are finally no longer in my life & while I wish them the best of luck, I hope they never come back here. They are the type of people who leave a wreckage of chaos & pain in their wake & if you get out only slightly wounded, you're lucky. I feel so sorry for their children, because they are always in the path of the storm.

Mixed Feelings

An old friend called me today. I hadn't heard from her in 13 years or so, we had a falling out along time ago & we just never made up. I'm having mixed feelings about it, on one hand, I'm glad she's okay & on the other, I'm still perplexed as to why she even called.

It's still the same as it always was, talking over the top of me about her life while barely waiting for me to take a breath while talking about mine before starting again. It always feels as if she isn't really listening so much as she's waiting for silence. At one time, she was my only female friend, in the whole world & I depended on her for a lot of things, which was odd, since I was near her own daughters' ages. When it all fell apart & trust me, it was a long & drawn out process, because it involved one of my best friends (who still is, to this day) and it was very painful, knowing I was cutting her out of my life completely, but for me, it was final & while I have wondered about her life since then, I'm not sure I had a burning need to know.

How do you tell someone that, when they go out of your way to call you, risking your anger? It's like telling an excited & hopeful teenage girl, the night of her prom that she looks beautiful, but still needs to use a blackhead extractor, you know? It's like, "I'll accept your call, but I don't care about your life." which is how I felt, only it would be "I'll call you but..." I don't know, I guess we'll wait & see how it pans out.

Just Another Day in Paradise

I haven't heard from Erin in awhile, so I have to comfort myself with the idea that he's probably okay, very likely just drinking too much again. That's not unusual for him when he's on the road, it's hard for him to say no when everyone else is and he gets bored, so he drinks. Really, it's odd, because he leaves here because he's bored in the first place, but whatever.

Rhi has had her heart broken & mangled again. I feel so much pain for her right now, but she kind of pushes us away & will until she figures out what she really wants to do about the situation. Right now, she's still kind of seeing him & I think they're trying to talk it out, all I know is he brings her home at night.

Garrett is doing well. He auditioned for "The Biggest Loser" around two weeks ago, had a callback for an on-camera interview and they all seemed to like him very much & said they had never met anyone like him before. To me, that's a good sign & they said that if they had chosen him, they'd let him know by April 15, so we're all just waiting & hoping for the best. This would be such a great opportunity for him to get his life together & his health back. I'm so hopeful that he'll get this.

Great Friends & Good Times

We went out to Charley & Vicki's house last night after we ate dinner. We had been invited for dinner, but I forgot. That's okay, we had some cobbler with them & it was fantastic. We played a bit of Rock Band, which always makes us all laugh. We visited & basically just enjoyed spending time together.

Our friend Sarah is in town for awhile, working at the groom shop for Vicki's mom, and since she & her husband, Mark, live in Idaho now, we rarely get to do anything like that with her. Ryan & his girlfriend just broke up, so it had been awhile since we got to spend a lot of time with him, too, although lately we've seen him a lot more. So, even though Troy had worked a 12 hour day and had to get up & go again today, it was well worth it to spend time with all of our terrific friends.

They're awesome, because, while we may talk about some weird stuff sometimes, we all talk about things that matter to us, and not stuff like politics, religion or testosterone boosters that work, you know? We discuss faire, and what we want to do this summer (lots of camping!) and plans for the weekend. We tease each other good-heartedly & generally just have a great time together. They are the thing I am most thankful for since moving to Utah. It took us an incredibly long time to find friends like these & they were worth the wait, for sure.

Well..

I got quite a lot done on the yard yesterday. I got 3 of the rose bushes pruned, although one of them isn't great, since it's so old & overgrown I'll need loppers for it. Half of the front lawn has been raked out fairly well, although I still need a better rake to finish it & I got about half of the flower bed around the evergreen bush in front of the house. Rhi went out later & gathered up all of the debris & threw it away for me.

I'm glad I got that much done, especially since it snowed again last night, although not a huge amount & it ought to melt off again today, since it's supposed to be in the 50s. i just want it to be gone by tomorrow, since we have a lot planned for the yard then & have to have time to get the back yard cleaned up so the kids can play back there.

The sky is clear & blue today & the sun is finally coming over the mountains & shining brightly, so I have hope for it, anyway. I really need to get off of this computer & get my housework finished, so i have the rest of my day free for other things, though.

So Tired

I think I need a nap. I got up at 6:30 when Troy was done showering and getting ready for work, which I do every morning when he's on day shift. I find that I have a hard time sleeping past 6:30 or 7 these days, unless I'm up really late the night before. I'm so busy during the day, cleaning, cooking & putting things away (not to mention the days when I'm out with my mom or Dawn) that I've finally given up my search for the best over the counter sleep aid, after many years. I don't need help anymore.

I think I've had a total of 2 restless nights since we moved in here, and those were probably caused by one of the pets, honestly. I just love this house so much & I really enjoy taking care of it & making it look nice every day. Even cooking here is a joy, and I'm so thrilled to have that back. I had really missed having a home that I actually cared about, and it's been a really long time.

I'm so ready to get out there & start raking up my flower beds & garden to get it ready for the growing season, I really just can't wait.

Springy

Dawn & I went & wandered around the yard yesterday, looking at all of the new growth & trying to decide what I ought to do with my yard. We know we want a fire pit out there & have plenty of bricks to line it with, I'm just not sure exactly where we're going to build that. There a sandbox in the yard, too, that looks like it had a nice cover for the top at one time. It's missing a pole for that, but we think we may have found it under a pile of snow.

I want to build a brick floor in the gazebo and take the cover off of that & fix it if we can, or make a new one, if fixing it isn't possible. Then there's the dog run, which Dawn & I figured out a much easier plan to do with that than Troy & I originally did & I ran that by him last night when he got home. That'll take us a lot less money & maybe a day to get finished & ready for Tiny.

We have a lot of cleaning, raking & prepping to do out there before the rowing season starts, but I think we're really looking forward to it, too. Today, if it doesn't rain, I'm going out to prune the rose bushes, since they're horribly overgrown at this point & somewhat dangerous.

Spring is on the Way

Tomorrow is the first heralding of Spring, at least in my eyes, at any rate. St. Patrick's Day has always served to remind me that Spring is right around the corner. Today & yesterday have just been gorgeous out, as a matter of fact, it's actually too hot to sit here at the table right now.

We found out the other day that Dawn's oldest is pregnant again, so of course we've started looking at baby clothes again. We're both hoping for a little grandson this time around. They have so many cute things out right now, in wonderful colors, too. You can tell it's almost spring by looking at them, too. Little suits & kids ties, all ready to dress them up for the Easter Bunny (or church, if that's your thing). The cute, pastel & frilly dresses are to die for, too.

We're doing Ostara at my house on Saturday & at Morgan's Friday night, which is just fine, two observances are better than none, right? There are people trying to get us to go back to the tribe & participate with them, but, I don't see that happening really. We're happy with what we're doing & happy with our little circle.

Anyway, time to stir the beer..

Another Sunday, Another Week

The past one was kind of strange, I think. Erin called me over a week ago, from Portland, Oregon. He was drunk & playing music on the street. He told me he was with a new girl & was having a good time. He called me again Friday to say he was at some other place in Oregon, with some people who had some sort of a truck. The new girl had stayed behind in Portland to help her best friend kick heroin & they were heading to Georgia in April to work at some renaissance faire. He apologized for having been drunk the time before, but I was just thankful he remembered he called that time.

Rhi spent the first part of the week in Las Vegas with her friends & hasn't really been around much for the past few days. She hasn't seemed herself & keeps talking about wanting to live in Vegas, although not to us. So, she either already has plans to move & is afraid to tell us or something else is up & she doesn't want us to know. I thought they'd be a little less nerve-wracking as adults. I was wrong.

Garrett has been in New Mexico this weekend, trying out for a TV reality show. He made it through the initial audition & is in the middle of his on camera interview, right now, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for him. I'm not going to say which show it is, but trust me when I say that it'll change his life if he gets on it. Hopefully we'll know before too long.

That was our week.

Blargh.

I feel like complete & total garbage today. My head is pounding, my throat itches, I'm completely stuffed up & I just want to go back to bed. I'm not big into taking extra supplements, but if I thought something like glucomannan would help today, I'd take it. God knows that nothing I've taken so far is helping at all. You know you're in bad shape when severe cold medicine isn't even touching your symptoms.

I don't feel like doing anything today & that really makes me sad, because it's a gorgeous day, it's Saturday & Troy is actually at home. I had high hops today, too. I wanted to start getting that workshop area straightened & see if we could find our DVDs & books, so they could get put away. I'd also love to find my little container of nails, so I can hang pictures up in the living room, instead of waiting 6 years, like I did in the other house.

I think instead, I'm going to get my housework done & grab my book & just try to rest, relax & recuperate.

Great Coop Day!

We got to our coop on time this morning, but the truck still hadn't arrived, so we were told there would be a wait. Our pickup time of 10am got moved back to 11, which was fine with me, we weren't going anywhere else anyway. Troy decided to volunteer, even though he worked last night & was pretty tired, just so that things would go that much faster when the truck did get there.

I enjoyed my time in line, visiting with people & listening to what was on everyone else's minds, like what produce we'd get this time, how we were all trying to improve our health by eating better food, what weight loss pills so & so was on, who belonged with who & how the program works. We always have new people who are a little intimidated & confused by the process, and it helps to talk them through it & help them understand exactly how it'll work once we get going.

We got a lot of lettuce today & some nice spinach, asparagus, zucchini, cucumbers & cabbage, along with great fruit. We even got two packages of organic blueberries, which we were thrilled with! We got a bunch of bananas, so I'll definitely be dehydrating some more of those, they make good snacks for faire & are about the only way Troy will eat bananas. I also plan to dehydrate some more zucchini, I like to season them first & they make a great, crispy snack after they're dry.

I did have to go sit down before we got our basket, the sun was making me dizzy & nauseated, so I thought it best to go sit in the car for awhile. There was no problem with that because our stuff had already been set aside, since Troy was volunteering & when you do that, they give you extras. By the time he was getting our stuff together I was back out there, helping to finish it all up. All in all, a great morning at the coop!

Television

We really enjoyed watching the Olympics this time around. I know a lot of it was our HDTV. It has a larger screen, no glare & beautiful, clear picture and makes watching whatever we choose a joy. I got so used to our old TV & not really seeing what we were watching, that over a year after buying the new one, I'm still enthralled with it. We did a lot of comparison shopping when we bought ours, we wanted to make sure we got the best one we could afford & that we didn't didn't get screwed over because we didn't understand the terminology. I don't think we've ever researched a product as much as we did our TV, we looked at all of the brands, including the Samsung HDTV, all of the sizes & resolutions. We researched which size would be best for the space we were in (and it still works for this house, too). We checked out the different resolutions & how each would work for everything we use a TV for. It was fun & we left the experience knowing we got exactly what we wanted.

It rally has made a huge difference in how we watch TV, too and the pleasure we get from it. Sports are amazing, movies terrific & video games are just awesome (one of the main reasons we got a new one). Allin all, one of our best purchases of 2009.

Wow.

I remember when people who sold drugs were selling truly illicit substances, stuff that could really mess you up, you know? Maybe it's just that we live in Utah, or maybe it's a reflection on the times we live in where everything that feels illegal is more likely to sell, but whatever it is, it's strange. Someone actually offered to sell one of my friends some caffeine tablets. On the street, like a shady dealer, making no bones about what it was. Isn't that crazy?

I mean, I'm used to websites offering everything from Viagra to phentermine no prescription required, but they aren't selling caffeine like it was a big deal. I can go to any convenience store & buy a box of Vivarin for Pete's sake, and it'd probably cost less than this "dealer" was asking. It's gotta be Utah, were else would anyone try to sell caffeine that way, honestly?

What a Relief

After we moved - well really much of January too - I had a terrible time getting my eating back on track. I felt like I had no self-control and would just randomly eat because I passed by something that looked good. I was buying chips and treat that aren't good for me & indulging pretty often. I never stopped tracking my points or anything, and I was trying to get myself back under control the entire time, it just wasn't happening. I know most of it was just a reaction to the stress of moving & filing bankruptcy and all of that, and the rest was just me rebelling after nearly a year of eating right & working out almost every day.

Back when I was still on the hunt for quick weight loss, and wanted a miracle I'd have already given up. There would have been no going back after all of that. I'd be packing the pounds back on right now & struggling to fit into the clothes I own now. I'm so thankful that I didn't let it derail all of my effort towards good health & fitness & that I'm back in charge now. I ate the way I'm supposed to all last week, we went to the gym & worked out at home, too & I managed to lose everything that I gained in my month of misadventure and all seems good now. What a ride that was, though.

Not While I'm Eating!

Although it may work for weight loss, I don't enjoy reading about, thinking about or seeing disgusting things while I'm eating. The kids used to try to gross me out by using bathroom humor at dinnertime, but I was pretty much immune back then & still had a thick skin from high school & the people I ate lunch with. These days, now that I have no little kids & my friends aren't competing to see who can be the sickest while we eat, I'd rather not read a colonix review during lunch. In itself, it probably isn't gross, but it would make me think of things I'd rather not right then, you know?

I have a pretty strong stomach, and I don't let much bother me, just not while I'm eating. I never really noticed changing that much as the years have passed, but I know I have, this is evidence of that & I know there are other things as well. I'm not shy like I used to be, or afraid of confrontation, and I know there are things I'm not even thinking about because they're just so much a part of who I am now.

How have you changed?

Excited for Spring

I know it won't happen around here until the end of May, but I'm so ready for consistent warm weather. I just want to be out, walking on the trail every day again, working in my yard & getting it ready for flowers & my garden. I want to cook out again & enjoy not having to hole up in the house all the time. I bought a cute lantern for our backyard & a sunshine garden stake today, they're both so cute! I plan to go & buy a couple more of the lanterns next week when they go on sale even further (our local craft store is going out of business). I want our outdoor dining area to be a great place to hang out with friends & family & plan to spend some money to make sure it is.

I think the most cluttered area of the house right now is our little office space, mostly because we have desks, a table, china hutch & a storage unit in there. Thankfully it isn't full of modern office furniture, because that would look so out of place in this house. This place is a cottage, and the interior reflects that, so we're trying to match that look with out own furnishings & decor. I do plan to paint some very modern pieces for the living room, though & that will punch the color up a lot, so I'm thinking a modern cottage look.

Anyway, we have a lot going on. We had a faire meeting today & are gradually getting our entertainers together & vendors are sending their applications back to us with their space fees, so, it's all looking good & getting closer all the time.

Getting Thinner?

I'm not talking about my body, which, of course, I hope is getting thinner, but wondering if my hair is. My mother has a lot of problems with thinning hair & feels like she has a very noticeable bald spot (I have never noticed it). I know that I have managed to inherit (is that the right word?) pretty much all of my mom's weaknesses, like bad teeth, the fat gene, bad shoulders and so on, so I'm starting to wonder if thinning hair will be an issue for me as I age. My hair is very fine & thin to begin with, it wouldn't take much to make me appear as if I were balding. That's not a thought I particularly relish, let me tell you.

I have heard of taking vitamins for hair loss, but do they work for thinning, as well? Do any of the advertised products for thinning hair actually do anything for it or would I be wasting my money? I seriously don't want to be one of those people that obsesses over this, but I don't want to be bald, either, you know? I'd wear a wig if I had to, but only if it was nice & didn't look fake, I just hope it never comes to that!

Not so Tired

Another thing we've all noticed since moving is that we all seem to sleep much better here. I'm not sure if it's because it's quieter, or we feel safer or what. We've been in the house for over 2 weeks & I haven't had one night that I couldn't get to sleep or get back to sleep, which is very rare for me. Troy hasn't had any trouble, either & Rhi goes to bed earlier & sleeps more deeply.

In the other house, if I woke up in the night for any reason at all, the chances of me getting back to sleep were very slim. Most nights, I was up from 4am until 6 or 7, trying to fall back to sleep. I'd finally get there & have to sleep later, just to make up for the loss in the night. I had tried every natural sleeping aid out there & few that weren't so natural. Some worked for a little while, some not at all, but nothing did for very long. I know I'm under less money stress right now & that may be helping, because I'm not lying there trying to figure out how we'll survive if we get garnished again, too. All in all, I think this was one of the best things we've done for ourselves in a long time.

Excited!

I'm really looking forward to going to St. George with Dawn in the next fews or so. She wants to get some new clothes & shoes & doesn't really know where to go down there, so I get to show her where I shop when I have extra money. I don't have anything to spend, which is okay, because I'd just buy things I don't need right now, like a new BCBG Max Azria bag or something. I sometimes justify that by talking about what a great deal I got, which is terrific when we have money.

I like going & looking, too & have a great time getting Dawn to step out of the t-shirt & jeans rut that she sometimes puts herself in. I love seeing her in new, stylish clothing, because she looks great & obviously feels fantastic in it. I'm not really sure when we'll be going, because that'll depend on when she gets her check & all, but it'll be soon, I'm sure.

Our state refund was deposited today, and the federal one will be in tomorrow, which means we can pay off our bankruptcy & have a little left over for us, too. I'm more pleased that we can pay our lawyers than anything, honestly, at least that will be out of the way & we'll be on our way to a new start financially. It'll be nice to be able to have a little breathing room again.

Heading Down the Road

It's time for Erin to head out again, it's been nice having him around for the past two months, but we're ready to have our home back & not have someone camping out on the couch. My mom & dad brought over the vanity & night table that match my bed today, since I have space in the bedroom now & they don't. I was thrilled to have them, finally! I also got my grandma's sewing table & a cute curio shelf (I just need to find a place to put it now), but the leg on that needs to be fixed a bit.

Let's see, what else is going on? Rhi is still trying to find work, without much success. She has, however, been feeling great these days. I think getting out of the other house & into this one helped her a lot, plus she's been taking some vitamins for acne and a B complex, too, and I'm sure that's not hurting.

The bankruptcy moves onward, we're just waiting for our tax returns to be deposited, so that we can pay the lawyer and waiting for it to get filed. I'm giving up my car, which, surprisingly, I'm very okay with. I'm ready to not be broke all the time now & want to be able to afford to actually replace things around here & would much rather do that than have a car, honestly.

Anyway, I need to get back to working on my bedroom, there are a lot of things lying on my bed right now.

Loving It!

We finally managed to start moving in on the 1st, but we were only able to move boxes to the workshop. I guess the water valve in the bathroom broke right as they were finishing that up, and then our bathroom ceiling started leaking, so all of that had to be fixed before we could occupy the house, so we didn't get all of our furniture in until the 2nd. We've been here ever since & love the house just as much as we did when we were waiting to move in. Tiny is completely housetrained now, she hasn't had one accident in the house since we moved in and is much calmer in the yard. She rarely barks now & then, only if she's tangled up or someone is here.

Kaji had a horrible time with the move. He didn't have any idea what was going on & his under the counters in the old house & we had a hard time getting him out. When we finally did, he had peed all over himself & was shaking & very upset. We got him moved over here & he hid for a couple of days under my bed before he'd venture out to eat & explore. He's fine now & seems to love living here, but we really were worried about him for awhile there.

We all seem happier & calmer here, it's like the other house we sucking the life out of us gradually. that may very well have been the case, what with the black mold in the walls and such, right? Troy & I have both stopped having sleeping problems & wouldn't know what to do with sleep pills if we had them, at this point. The house is always clean, Rhi & I get up every morning & take care of our daily chores, because none of us ever want this house to be anything but clean & nice. All in all, it was definitely a move for the best!

Bored

I hate all of this waiting around to move. With Troy & Rhi's help, we got everything packed up really fast & have pretty much been sitting around in a house full of boxes since Tuesday. There isn't much to do, but sit here & think about cleaning. I guess I could just get up and start on that, honestly, but I'm too cold. I swear my house is frigid right & I'm wondering if my furnace has gone out or something.

I think what I'm going to do is fix myself some lunch and another cup of coffee, check the furnace & maybe watch TV for a little while. Then I'll start working on the kitchen, or at least on the parts I can clean right now. The table still needs to be taken apart & the tablecloth needs to be washed, along with the kitchen towels, so I can do that, too.

At least I'm not so bored that I'm looking up online term life insurance quotes yet, although, I have been there in the past. That's when I know it's time to leave the house & do something, before I go crazy. Right now, I'm just moderately bored & freezing, I can handle that.

Argh!

I've had just about all the stress I can honestly handle in the past 6 months, I swear. It started with Rhi getting scammed, which cost us over $2000, which was immediately followed by me getting garnished for something else (it was "only" $380, but it was everything we had in our bank account). Since then, there has been one financial crisis after another and now we find out, through an ad we got in our mail yesterday from a lawyer wanting to represent us, that Troy's being sued. How much more can we honestly handle?

We're in the process of filing for a Chapter 13, but in the meantime, we're sitting ducks. As soon as we're able to file our petition, they all have to leave us alone, so the waiting on that is making us both a little crazy, plus we can never seem to get our lawyer to call us back & we really need answers right now. We can't go through another garnishment, we'll end up homeless for sure. I just want to get this over with, so I don't have to be afraid that every time I go to get in my car it won't start & I'll be wishing I had mechanical breakdown insurance, because we have no money for repairs & no credit, either. I'm tired of being stressed & worried & freaked out over money all the time!

I Think I Hate Winter

Why is it that more people get sick in the winter than any other time? Is it just because people are inside more, or what? Because, quite frankly? I'm sick of it already. After we all got whatever that bug was a couple of weeks ago, I still have never felt my best & now I have something else. The last thing we need right now is to get sick, you know? We're trying to get the house packed up so we can move on the first & it's really hard when all you want to do is sleep & whine about not feeling well.

Then there's the every day stuff that still has to be done, like faire meetings, work (at least for me - Troy's on vacation), helping family out (my mom wanted me to read a few strivectin sd reviews & tell her what I thought), birthday parties and the normal day-to-day of running household. I'm exhausted, sick and excited all at once. I wonder how fast I'll crash & burn this time?

Well, I need to go switch my laundry & start another load, and the kitchen isn't going to pack itself, I imagine, so I'd better get started on that, too.

Yes.

We are moving. The place we want will let us keep Tiny & Kaji, so we put the application in. We hope to hear back from them tomorrow, and are really hoping they'll let us have it. We do have a lead on a couple more places that will probably let us have the pets, so if the other one falls through, we'll go look at those. I'm not looking forward to the work of moving, but I am looking forward to getting out of here.

They had a cleaning crew at the (hopefully) new house this weekend, and they removed all of the detritus of the former renters. They left things like furniture, bath gel, fda approved diet pills, food and tools. I hope they leave the couch & loveseat that were there, because they were nicer than ours are. I'm hoping the cleaning crew means the house is ours, since they were told they had to be finished by Monday & the property managers know we're kind of in a time crunch. Well, we're keeping our fingers crossed. I'm not going to say a lot about the place until we know it's ours, then I'll take pictures and everything. I don't want to get too excited about it, in case we can't move in.

Maybe Moving

We may be moving. Soon. Like in a couple of weeks, hopefully. We went & looked at a cute little house yesterday and we'll be calling & trying to learn more about it today. We have to find out if they'll let us have Tiny & Kaji before we can even think about doing anything else, because if not, we aren't interested. Even if we don't get this place, I'll be keeping my eyes open for another one, we can't stay here much longer.

I haven't felt truly safe here for a couple of years & it drives me crazy that neither of the kids can hold onto a house key to save their lives, so I have to leave the front door unlocked until they get home at night, which leaves my sleeping self vulnerable. I don't sleep well when Troy isn't home because of that. I just want to live in a real house, with a yard that's bigger than a postage stamp. And where I don't have to listen to everyone in the neighborhood rev their engines, and argue and talk. It's like having people in the house, nonstop. They stand in front of my house to talk & I can hear every word, so I know they can hear us, too. I juts want security & privacy. I'm so ready for a change, even though I dread the thought of moving.

Snowy Day

It was cloudy & cold all day yesterday, later on it started to rain & the snow & we woke up with a light dusting on the ground today. It's been snowing & raining off & on ever since. I don't mind, it is winter, after all & this is what happens in the winter. I'm not a fan of the snow & cold, but it's a fact of life where I live, so I just look forward to the rest of the year. I tend to do a lot more relaxing & staying at home during the cold months, they seem to make me sleepy & want to feel cozy & comfortable. There isn't much I'd rather do in the winter besides curling up with a cup of something warm to drink and a good book or a good show on TV.

Today, I think I'm going to research some recipes for low-fat comfort food for the next two weeks, since I've really been enjoying making new things lately. I need to get my menu & grocery list planned before we go grocery shopping tomorrow, and I also need to get my fridge cleaned out. I'm thankful that I won't have to buy very much produce or bread, thanks to the coop we belong to & it's fantastic foods. As you all probably know, I'm not a great believer in quick weight loss products, but I am into quality, unprocessed foods, so that helps us out a huge amount.

When Erin drags his ass off of the couch today, I'm going to have him clean up his stuff & get it squared away, I can't stand the look of my living room these days, because someone is living in it & it's obvious. So ready to have an empty nest, lemme tell ya!

Gloomy

Sunday we did go over to Dawn's. Jason was gone, but Troy, Dawn, Justin & I had a blast. We had dinner (Morningstar Farms Riblet sandwiches & salad) and then went down & played Medieval Games on their Wii for hours! It was so fun & we all laughed so hard, Troy & I didn't get home until almost 2am. Dawn is convinced that she needs to buy the game now, too, and I agree, it was certainly worth the money we spent on it.

Erin got sick on Sunday, but he wasn't home at the time, so it's definitely out of the house finally. Rhi is still throwing up pretty much everyday, so we don't know what's up with her, whether she's pregnant or just sick with something else or what.

Erin is still here, but plans to hit the road again as soon as he can get a ride out of Utah & to Nevada, where he stands a better chance of getting a ride to where ever he's headed next. He said he may go back to California, since he has a friend that lives there, so, we'll see. He doesn't seem all that keen on leaving right now, at any rate.

I haven't found an anti-wrinkle cream I'm satisfied with, yet, but I've been using a serum that seems to be working out okay for me. I'm not allergic to it, at any rate. I'll use it until it's gone & then I'll decide if I want to keep buying it.

Lazy

We never did do anything yesterday, we pretty much lazed around the house until 8:30 or 9, at which point, I brought out the Wii Fit Plus, got it set up & we used that for awhile, then we bowled a game on Wii Sports & went to bed. It was a pretty long & busy day for both of us, after all & we were really tired. I did make a nice Bosc pear tart, just kind of spontaneously, which turned out quite nicely & we had a bit of company, so we weren't total hermits or anything.

This afternoon we'll go over to Dawn & Jason's & hang out, maybe play Wii or something else, but we will spend time, be sociable and have fun, we do love & miss our friends, after all. I want to spend a little time planning my birthday party with Dawn, too, since I'm really looking forward to it & just want everyone to have a great time together. I think I'll make my Thai Chicken Wings, since I've been promising them to Ryan forever and have finally found my recipe again. I just wish that everyone that I want to be there could, but I now they won't be, it's on a Saturday night & they aren't going to give up Tuatha or anything for a birthday party, after all.

At least when you're Pagan you never get First communion invitations and then have to try to figure what to wear & what to give as a gift, you know? I did end up going to church on Christmas Eve with my parents, because it was important to my mom. It was a nice evening & it made mom happy, so it was worth it.

Ahhhhhh Saturday...

I love the weekends that Troy has Saturday off, it feels like he has an almost normal schedule then. For those who are new here, he works a rotating schedule, switching between days & nights. One week he works 12 hour shifts from Wednesday-Saturday & the next it'll be Wednesday-Friday. Some weeks he works extra days, sometimes he doesn't, but it rarely feels "normal," at least as far as having Saturday & Sunday as his weekend. Having a full weekend when the rest of our friends do is always a bonus.

I'm not sure we'll even do anything with our friends tonight, it depends on how energetic we're feeling. We've both been pretty tired after being sick earlier in the week & I haven't been sleeping all that great. I think we probably will, considering that Ryan just came by & we're having a pretty great time visiting with him & Troy seems to be more energetic now that he's had a nap.

I want to go to Walmart & look at blouses, since I really don't have anything nice to wear when I need to. I'm not after anything that looks like a tuxedo shirt or anything, just something kind of dressy & nicer than a t-shirt. I'm not a fussy type person, I just want to look right in whatever situation I'm in.

It Didn't Get Better

After I posted last, things didn't really get a lot better. The next day, Troy was able to get out of the house, so we got our car payments made & grabbed some containers we needed at the store. We ran into Jason there, with his friend Nate. They were getting a new Linksys router, because his old one was dying. I was pretty optimistic, at the time, that we were done with "the sick" at our house, at least while we were talking to Jason.

We came home, sat around awhile & I eventually cooked dinner. I made English muffin pizza & we watched TV until bed time. By the time we went to bed I knew I was sick, so I did the best I could to get prepared for a long & miserable night. I was right & woke up at around 1am. I actually passed out a few times, falling and ending up on the bathroom floor. I didn't get hurt too badly, although I have a skinned & bruised knee, at least this time I didn't land on my face or hit my head on the toilet, which was Troy's fear.

By about 7am, I was exhausted and thankfully, done throwing up. I slept most of the day & was in bed last night by 9pm. I did manage to eat a little bit, I had some Cream of Wheat, some crackers & a banana throughout the day & tried some coffee this morning, but it isn't sitting well, so I don't think I'll finish it, even though it really tastes good. It's very possible that part of my problem is hunger, so I think I'll fix some toast or something & see if that helps.

It looks like we're in for a snow storm today, hopefully it won't be as bad as the one they got in Colorado last night!

A Question

Have you ever had one of those days when you feel so bad you start questioning everything? Troy woke up at around 4am today, throwing up, which went on for awhile, so I didn't get much sleep after that, either. I was finally snuggled in & sleeping pretty well at around 9:30, and we had a 4.1 earthquake that woke us both up, thinking something had blown up or that our main water line had broken or something. We heard a big bang & everything in the house shook for a few seconds, then it was over.

Troy went out to check on things, didn't find anything wrong & so when he came back I said, "Probably an earthquake." and we tried to get some more sleep. Dawn started texting me shortly after that to see if we felt it too & to tell me what they had found out about it, so by that time, I just decided to get up.

Now, I'm so tired & have a cold on top of that, so I'm feeling a little bit like death warmed over & wondering if I ought to start getting term life insurance quotes or something. What a day! I swear, when it rains, it pours around here.

New Year, New Hope?

I'm really hoping that 2010 will bring a stronger, more secure economy. Rhi really needs a job so she can start to get back on her feet again. I'm just about ready for it to just be Troy & I at the house again, and in order for that to happen she has to get a job, keep it long enough to feel stable & start saving up to move out. I don't really see that happening any time soon, but it's a good goal to reach for as a family, I think. It's not like she's on an admin job search, she'd be happy with a dishwashing job or at a fast food place, honestly. She isn't picky, she just wants work & even though I'm not sure she's trying as hard as she could be, she has been trying. It's very frustrating, but we do understand.

So, here's hoping that by next Christmas we'll be alone in our house again & just be able to enjoy their visits. I know that probably sounds fairly selfish, but I really enjoyed the few months that we had & I'm really missing it. After all, I've spent 23 years living for my kids, I'm ready to be done & start living for me, you know?

Excited!

Lately, I've been on a quest to try to find a good moisturizer (that I'm not allergic to), a night cream and the best eye cream. That hasn't been s easy as it might sound, although I'm closing in on some that I really like. I've been using a botanical moisturizer for a couple of weeks & I have had a reaction to it yet, so I'll be getting the rest of the collection next, so I'm hoping this is the one.

Something is happening right now that's making all of that seem silly & unimportant, though. Erin is back on this side of the country & should be heading towards Las Vegas right now! I'm so excited to see him, it may have only been 5 months or so, but that's the longest any of us have gone without seeing him. Every time I hear a car outside, I catch myself looking out, hoping it's him. One of these times, it will be. Now I jut need to figure out somewhere for his dog to stay while he's home. I can't wait though. That's all I really wanted for Christmas, was for him to be here & it looks like he will, after all!

Getting Cold!

It's just been frigid here for the past few days, you can definitely tell that it's December & nearly winter. Usually it gets too warm in our bedroom at night and that's even after we turn the furnace down to 60 degrees, last night it was pretty much perfect in there. I knew i must have been extremely cold, because I never woke up roasting. I don't know what he temperature was, just that I was comfortable, so either it was cold or I was exhausted. Maybe a little of both.

I've been thinking about getting a ceiling fan for our bedroom, since we use a fan in there all year long anyway, that way I could switch the direction when it was cold and draw the warm air down. I don't know, though, the ceiling may be too low. Our light fixture is right over the bed, so that probably wouldn't even matter anyway, right?

We're supposed to get a bunch of snow today & tonight, but nothing has really fallen as of right now. We seem to miss a lot of the stuff that gets forecast for our area, we call it the Cedar Vortex!

Cleaning & Fixing

I've spent the past couple of days washing windows & curtains and then hanging Christmas lights in all of the windows at the front of the house. Our new little tree is up on the table with it's Befana topper and the wreath is on the door. I just need to give the house a good cleaning to really feel like it's ready for the season ahead.

I've decided that I want to make the craft room more storage friendly and plan to put up some shelf mounts in there & just buy wood to fit the size I need and line the east wall in shelves, that way I can keep fabric up there and my other supplies & not have to worry about it. I need to borrow my dad's stud finder and see where to put the mounts first, I don't want my shelves falling off the wall in the middle of the night or anything.

I've been using that room a lot lately, since I've been sewing again. I will be using it even more as soon as I find the fabric I have in mind for my booth's walls & start to make those and the topper for it. I need to get caught up on our storage bill before I lose my booth first, though. I have no idea how I got so far behind on it, but I did & am playing catch up right now. I wish I knew why it seems like I'm always behind on one bill or three this time of year.

Busy Day!

I truly do love the holidays, I actually have a pretty great family, for the most part & love to spend time with them, so that's never a hassle. We've all learned over the years that the holidays aren't the time to bring up our various issues with each other, although we had to learn the hard way. I do get tired when there's so much to do before, though. I feel like I've been running all day. I got up at 6:30 with Troy, was at the gym by 7:30, back here before 9 and I spent a little time playing on Facebook and eating before I grabbed a shower, did dishes and started making pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce and pumpkin mousse.

I'm just thankful that this year, we won't be participating in Black Friday & trying to get a great deal on mp3 players, Michael Kors gloves or small appliances, because I'm already tired and just want to relax. Our niece, Jaycie, spent the night last night & will be with us again tonight, then she'll ride with Rhi & I to my folks' house for the holiday. It's just easier for her most of the time to stay away from home when her parents are both home. She doesn't have to deal with the drinking and the craziness this way and we like spending time with her anyway.

Anyway, while it will be an odd holiday for me (Troy works & Erin won't be here), I'm looking forward to spending time with my family & hope all of you have a great day, too!

Why is It?

Why does everything seem to go wrong when you're the busiest & the store is the most crowded? The stores here have been jam-packed for almost a week now, and I can't seem to focus any time I'm actually inside a store, so I guess it's a good thing I'm a chronic list-maker, except when we run in for something we suddenly realized we needed & I forget about it halfway through the store & end up with a cart full of things we didn't need, but decided we couldn't live without. It's always those times when the lines are the longest and the checker is the slowest. It always seems like we're in line for 30 minutes and then right before our turn the receipt printer jams, the checker freaks and tries to fix it herself and can't and then we're all waiting for it to be unjammed or we get switched to another line & start the waiting again.

I hate crowds and chaos, it's probably a good thing that I don't live in a bigger city anymore, I would never be able to go out and go shopping. I do a fair share of it online, but I'm never really sure anymore what size clothes I wear or how something will look on me, so I can't buy those online. I have foot issues and have to try shoes on before I buy them, because I can bounce between 3 different sizes, just depending on how the shoe is made, so another thing I have to buy in person. I can handle all of that, just as long as I can do it when there are no big gift-giving holidays on the horizon. We really need to finish our shopping in the next couple of weeks, just so we don't have to deal with it, ither than to get groceries until the holidays are over.

Reading Excitement!

I was thrilled to read a post over at Christine's blog the other day. She posted that both Barnes & Noble and Amazon had released free downloads of their eReader software for download. I have been wanting a Kindle or a Nook for a few months, after first being very hesitant to even try one, because I'm pretty sure that I'll miss the smell and feel of the paper. I decided I wanted one so that I can just take it with me when I go places that I'm afraid I might get bored at. It seems like it would just be sturdier for carrying around in my purse than an actual book, you know?

Anyway, Troy & I are getting netbooks for Christmas, and we're both voracious readers, so this will be perfect for us. We buy so many books as it is, that it won't be that big of a deal to also buy some eBooks, you know? I have no intention of giving up my good, old-fashioned books, I'd miss lying down with one before bed and all of that, but for going other places, a book or two on the netbook would be ideal and there are also tons of free ones out there, too, so I'll probably get a chance to read a bunch of things I wouldn't have considered otherwise.

I think I'm just about finished with my shopping for the family, I know we'll get my brother & his wife & my mom and dad as our draws, that's the only way it really works out, otherwise, some of us end up giving gifts to the people we live with & buy for anyway. I know which perfume my sister-in-law likes, and which cologne dad likes, so I added them to my next Avon order, I'm getting a bunch of stuff for my niece, too. I'm trying to find the perfect gift for my mom and brother, but they won't be that hard to shop for, they're both pretty easy-going when it comes to that. I can always get my brother something with a Rockies or a Broncos logo and he'll be happy, of course I could (and likely will) do the same for dad.

We haven't been able to find what we're getting for the grand-daughter anywhere here locally, so we may have to order it from Crayola, but I'm going to check here again and then in St. George first, just to make sure, and yeah, I still haven't bought Erin's, but we'll probably go look today & see what the price range is & maybe grab it now.

Relieved

Erin called me a couple of nights ago and he's in Pueblo, with his big brother, or at least close enough that they can hang out together for awhile. It's nice knowing where he is for a change. I just keep hoping he doesn't run into his donor, that's something I'd like to have him avoid, at least until he's a bit more stable. The clinic he went to in Texas also called and all of his tests came back normal, so none of us have to worry about his health, either. He said he plans to be back here in December, for about 2 weeks, so he'll probably be here for Christmas & a bit after & then head out to parts unknown again. Sometimes it feels like he's in punta cana or something, because it's all the same when you have no idea where your kids are, you know?

I guess we'd better get his Christmas gift purchased and wrapped, since he's verified again that he is coming home. I got Rhi's the other day & just have to get it wrapped (it's a lot bigger than I thought, so that'll be fun.. not) and tagged.

I've ordered a few things for stocking stuffers and such from Avon, too, and keep adding to that as I go along. It should be a pretty fun holiday, at any rate, in spite of Troy's work schedule and my hostility regarding that, I just wish that for once, Dawn and her family could enjoy it.

Excited

I'm starting to get excited for Christmas already. I didn't think I would, because Troy is working that day, but I am. I'm getting a Zune from Troy and I'm really stoked about it. I really wanted to get one for the days when I'm walking by myself, it helps keep my mind off of the pain & repetition, and makes it go a lot faster.

The rest of the family all have MP3 players, so I have been a little jealous of that. I had one for awhile, but my car killed it. I've really missed having one since then. The package I'm getting has the car kit with it, so it'll transmit through the radio & I won't have to worry about the electrical system in my car ruining it.

So, yeah, I know, I'm excited for the holidays for a solely material reason, but at least I'm excited and not dreading them anymore, right?

Worries

I'm concerned about so many things right now. The economy doesn't seem to be turning around any time soon, and the company my husband works for has already started laying people off. I'm hoping that they're finished, but you never know. It's a constant worry, even if it's under the surface most of the time.

Erin is having medical issues and is a long, long way from home. I don't know that he's okay, or that he will be, I do know that he's drinking too much and has had DTs when he hasn't had anything to drink for awhile. That is never something a mother wants to know about her child, especially when there isn't anything in the world you can do about it.

My brother's drinking has also gotten worse. He has started showing up late for work because he's been oversleeping. His wife never gets out of bed anymore until late afternoon, she doesn't bathe, she looks horrible. I hate that my niece has to live in that environment, and I worry about her. My brother will lose his job if he keeps it up. They have already cut everyone back to four days a week, and if it'll save them money they'll fire him for being late. He's a welder who fabricates stainless steel drums, and I just can't see that there will be so much demand for him that he'll get any slack with that behavior.

Rhi is still trying to get a job, she has applications in all over the place, but isn't having any luck so far.

Dawn is stressed & emotional right now. Jason isn't working, she's paying everything on her own & they just aren't making it anymore. She has to have surgery on her wrists, but she needs a second job, too, so she's stuck trying to decide what to do. They're overdrawn at the bank (thanks to Jason. Again.) and have no way to repay it. her medicaid & food stamp case is closed right now, because they changed the rules and she had to come up with proof that the kids were actually who she said they were. She did that & yet, she's still waiting. They have no food in the house, I have no way to get her any because we have nothing extra right now, either.

What a bunch of messes. :(

A Change in Mindset

I was thinking about all of the changes in packaging that have happened in my lifetime, from fast food coming in Styrofoam boxes and every container being way bigger than the product inside to the current paper wrapping for fast food and streamlined boxes and containers. I noticed the other day at the grocery store that even Crystal Lite has changed their packages for the half gallon drink mixes, they did away with the plastic tub and moved to the same packaging as the single serve mixes and even made the main container smaller.

I know we're much more likely to buy products in the smaller boxes and even more likely if they also use post-consumer recycled materials in it. In cleaning supplies, we'll buy the natural products before the chemical laden products, because we have pets and feel better about using them than the alternative. I buy a lot of organics these days, too and have seen more & more of them popping up at the grocery store these days, which makes me very happy.

How about you? Have you increased your "Green shopping" or has nothing changed for you? I think manufacturers have made it a lot easier to shop responsibly by changing packaging & the materials used to make their products, that way most of us don't really have to think about it much. I'd probably have to go out of my way to find the old-style packaging, you know?

Halloween Goodies!

I've been following the 31 Days of Halloween giveaway over on Mrs. B's blog this month, and I've entered for a few things, because honestly, she has some awesome stuff to give away this month. Today, there was an offer that I just can't refuse! Octoberfarm is giving away a great goodie bag full of things from Salem, MA!! There is a little handmade spellbook, a tiny handmade broom, candy, syrup, baked goods, keychains, magnets, pictures, a tiny tote bag and a bunch more, really. I really, really want to win this, I have always wanted to go to Salem, and this would be about the next best thing for me!

If that sort of thing interests you, you really should go check out the giveaway & enter yourself - then send the goodies to me if you win!! LOL!!

Odd

I've noticed something the past few days, that just strikes me as odd. I used to be an everyday, several pots a day, coffee drinker. When my kids were babies & toddlers, it was the only way I could make it through the day. We had coffee brewing all day & into the night, and I went through one of the big coffee cans every month, if not more. As I got older (and so did the kids) I lessened what I drank, only brewing a pot in the morning and eventually only drinking a cup or two of that. The past couple of years, since the kids are grown up & I don't have to get up any earlier than I want to (and believe me, it's still pretty early) I haven't even bothered, except on very rare occasions.

So why have I been looking at coffee makers and wondering if I have room for one in my kitchen? I got rid of mine a years ago & replaced it with a French press, which I still rarely use & haven't really figured out how strong I like to make it in that. I really have no extra space in there for any other appliance in there, and I wouldn't use it often enough to even justify the cost, but yet, here I am, looking at them anyway. Must be my gadget addiction or something.

Oh! Oh!

Needless to say, I'm not going to start that housecleaning thing tonight. I'm just going to relax and enjoy my evening, I think. I hope to find something scary to watch on TV, maybe there something seasonal showing tonight. We went to see "Zombieland" on Sunday and we all loved it! I can't wait for it to come out on DVD so I can watch it again, any time I want to. We laughed so much during the movie, but oddly, we've done a lot of thinking about what we'd do if anything like that ever happened. There are so many crazy viruses out there these days that the possibility is very real, you know?

I forget got to mention that this morning, on our daily walk, we jogged! I never thought we'd be doing this, but we have been do inspired by "The Biggest Loser" lately that we both feel like we can do much more than we have been, and that we can overcome any temptation we encounter. Dawn & I are both former smokers & believe that since we quit smoking, we can do just about anything, really. Anyway, we've been walking on the indoor track at SUU, and today, we ran on one of the curves every lap around. We plan to do that for a week & then next Friday, we'll run on both curves. We'll probably do that for a couple of weeks to build up our stamina & then add a straightaway, until we're running a lap at a time. We'll probably run one and walk one for awhile, but we're making a lot of progress & we're both very proud of ourselves. Troy was with us, too, and he did some sprinting, but he's in a lot of pain tonight, so I think he probably overdid it.

Anyway, wish me luck as I surf channels tonight & weed out the weight loss supplement commercials and sitcoms from what I might really want to watch, I really hope to find something good or watch a DVD or two.

Getting Ready

It's time for me to get motivated to clean up this living room again. I was doing do well on the whole house before Rhi moved back in. I'm not sure why I lose my motivation when there are more than Troy & I living here, but I certainly seem to. Whatever the cause I need to break through it & stop, because we're all so much happier when it's nice and clean in here. I still haven't gotten my craft room situated & I'm pretty sure it's back in the same condition it was in when we started trying to get it put back together. It's very frustrating, let me tell you.

I can see that one of the kittens stole one of the outdoor pillows I have in here for the chairs, because it's on the living room floor & was probably being used as a bed this afternoon. They grab the ties on the corners & pull them down. You'd think they had been bought for them, honestly. I think I bought this particular one because our old couch was broken on one side & I put that under the cushion to prop it up enough to kind of sit on it comfortably. It worked for awhile. I won't miss breaking the furniture because 'm too heavy & all I do all day is sit, that's for sure & that so isn't my life anymore.

Whew!

I did finally get my laptop upgraded the other day, but I installed Windows 7 to the wrong drive because I misunderstood the little prompt in the installation, so Troy & I had to sit around half the day yesterday and try to figure out where I went wrong & how to fix it, which we did. So, everything is running and I really love this new version. I have to say that I think this is the best one I've used in recent years.

So, we're all updated and "modern" with my laptop, we're both getting gadgets for Christmas, we got a nice, big flat screen TV last winter & use the newest gaming technology we can afford, all we need now is to get rid of this 70s & 90s furniture and get some nice modern furniture, although I'm pretty sure the fur-kids would have anything nice we bought looking bad in short order.

We're having phone issues with Rhi again, so Troy has taken her down to get his old one activated for her. Hopefully, this will last longer than the one she just had. I can't take the stress after she loses one.

Frustrating

Apparently, I need to have Troy sit down with me & walk me through formatting my laptop & upgrading my OS, because I got started and couldn't even get anything done. I don't know how to boot from disc or change my partition sizes, and I can't upgrade to Windows 7 until I can do that. It's very frustrating and now I can't do anything until tonight, because Troy is at work today.

I'm thankful he's at work, trust me. Yesterday was a trying and somewhat scary day, since we found out that his employer had started lay-offs. He's safe for the time being, but if they decide to cut the security force in half, he'll be out of luck & our only real hope will be if they pay out his vacation & sick leave. I know if they offer to buy out his retirement, he'll take that offer & we'll be able to pay off our debt and live on his unemployment until we can both find something.

If need be, I guess we'll relocate. We'll have to go where ever the work is, even if that means we'll have to look into long distance movers, since we don't have a truck of our own to move very far. I don't want to leave my home again, but I know it's a very real possibility and have accepted it & many other things that we'll have to do or sacrifice to survive. The important things is that we will survive & we'll be okay. We've known this would very likely happen and have a plan if he is laid off. We're both at peace with either eventuality.

Now, if I could just get my laptop upgraded!

The Bell Rings Blue

I'm sitting here listening to streaming audio of a high school football game. The game is being played in Pueblo, Colorado, at Dutch Clark Stadium. It's the oldest high school rivalry west of the Mississippi, and this is the 109th game. It's called the Bell Game & is played between Pueblo Central (Go Big Blue!!!) and Pueblo Centennial. Obviously, I went to Central and still love my high school and all of that. My team made the first touchdown with the kickoff & I swear, if this game is that exciting all night, I'll need a portable AED machine, just to make it through the game.

I think the most fun is that I'm sharing the game with many of my old classmates on Facebook. Some of us are still in Pueblo, many of us are scattered around the country, but even so, those of us who aren't at the game are either listening to the streaming audio, the radio or checking the score where ever we can. I'm as excited as I ever was in high school over this game & that's a fantastic feeling!

I'm not looking forward to having to drive Rhi to her friend's birthday party in a little while, trust me. I was thinking about taking my laptop with me, but then I realized that I'd lose my connection. I'll just go as quickly as I can & get back. It's agony not being there!

On the Rollercoaster Again?

I'm pretty sure that Rhi has either lost her job & isn't telling me, or is slacking off of her job & is lying to me about it. She hasn't worked in over a week & was supposedly going in tonight, but she just came home & said that she was getting started on loading the dishwasher & there was a big boom & smoke started pouring out from behind the dishwasher & she got sent home because of the danger or something. I know knowing about this sort of thing, but it did sound believable. She had new work shirts that she picked up the other day, with the new restaurant name on them and I desperately want to believe in her & think she's telling me the truth. I don't want to think she's messing around with her job again. They're just too hard to come by right now, especially in a small town, and she knows that, it took her almost a year to get this one, after all. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't want to be on the rollercoaster off emotions again, when I find out I've been lied to, I just want what she's telling me to be the truth.

Well, onto less worrisome things, I guess. This morning, I did something I never have before. I made freezer jam with strawberries, peaches & mangoes. I know, it's not rocket science or medical equipment repair, but it was something I was hesitant to try doing, because I'm so unsure of myself when it comes to anything to do with canning or preserving. I'm excited to try making some more, because even though this is really good, I know I didn't get the pieces small enough, because I had to chop them up. I didn't own a potato masher to use on it, so I went & bought one this afternoon & think I'll make some mixed berry next (if I can find some more freezer jam pectin). Maybe one day I'll feel like trying to make the cooked version!

Insurance

Troy has been with the same company for 14 years now. For all of those years, our insurance didn't cost us anything, the company provided it for all of us. I realize how fortunate that made us, but we did start taking it for granted, which we never should have done. We found out a few weeks ago, that starting January 1, we will have to start paying for me to be insured. I was ready to just go without & start looking for some cheap health insurance on my own, but Troy talked me out of it. I haven't been to see a medical doctor for years, but you know, as soon as I gave my insurance up, I'd need to be hospitalized or something & we'd end up going bankrupt again.

I'm not happy with it, but I'm thankful that they still pay for Troy's and that we aren't insuring children anymore, you know? I doubt we'd be able to afford that, although we'd do it, we would have to start deciding what to give up, and honestly, almost everything we have right now is there for a reason, other than entertainment or something like that. We're just lucky that Troy still has his job & we aren't in stress mode right now, so I'll take that & not gripe about the rest.

Out & On the Road

Erin called me yesterday morning, after he got out of jail. Apparently he & his girlfriend, Dani, had just sat down by the side of the road & put up their sign, asking for money for food when the police rolled up & arrested them. He told me that Dani's cell mate passed out and hit her head, but when she asked for a guard to come & check on the girl, it took 20 minutes before he came back and then he looked at Dani & told her it was none of her concern and none of his & walked away without even checking on her. That doesn't leave you with a lot of faith in the justice system, does it?

Anyway, he's okay and they were planning to move on either last night or this morning, so I can go back to only worrying periodically.

Are any of you watching "The Biggest Loser" this season? I haven't watched it in a couple of years, but since I'm on the weight loss wagon currently, I find it to be very inspiring, so I've been tuning in since the first episode. If you are watching and have been Tivoing it or something, there may be some spoilers in here, so just hit the back button, okay?

I really liked Tracy that first week, I felt bad for her when she ended up in the hospital and was so happy when they said she was going to be allowed to continue, because she obviously needed to be there. I was happy for her when she made it back last week & happy they both lost so much weight. I'm rethinking those feelings now. What she did this week has no place in this show, in my opinion. Yes, it's technically a game & the winner is rewarded, but it just isn't played that way. It upsets me so much when anyone treats the show like it's more about the game than changing lives and risks the other members like that. I will hate seeing Mo go, but it's time for Tracy to leave.

It Makes a Mother Proud

I got a strange phone call earlier, it was one of Erin's friends, he said he had the wrong number & then he texted me a few minutes later, asking if I'd heard from Erin lately. I texted back & told him he should have asked when he called & told him I'd heard from him a few mornings ago, that he was in Savannah, Georgia & was hoping to leave that night for Florida. I figured he was just missing him & wanting to know that he was okay, until the friend called me again. Apparently, he'd gotten a call that he couldn't really understand, other than something saying it was an inmate call. He looked up the area code & was from Savannah, so he thought he'd better call me.

I looked it up on the 'net & found out he was arrested this afternoon, for jaywalking & begging. His picture was, well.. let's just say I wouldn't know him if I ran into him on the street. At least he wasn't picking up for boosting Ferrari parts or armed robbery or anything. I imagine they'll cut him loose in the morning. It wasn't a great gift for Troy on his birthday today, but at least for once, we know exactly where he is for a little while.

Ch-Ch-Changes

We've lived in this same trailer park for 6 years now. It's the longest we've ever spent in one house in our whole marriage. When we moved here, it was after finding out the kids wanted to return to public school. We had just bought the XTerra, so we had a car payment, school fees & rent that was a little higher than we were comfortable with with the added expenses of public school. We moved here because they would let us have our dog (it was Bear at the time) and the cats. It was a pretty nice trailer park back then & the former owner kept everything well-maintained & insisted that tenants keep their yards nice & clean, too. He paid our water bill & the sprinklers were set to turn on at specific times & days, the grass was always green & nice, but some people were mad that they weren't allowed to have a hose and all of that. It never really bothered us, I would have rather had green grass.

A couple of years ago, he sold it to someone else. For awhile, the sprinklers still worked, but people started hooking up hoses and breaking water lines and filling up huge swimming pools and all of that & they stopped setting them to come on automatically. People's yards look horrible, filled with broken furniture, trash and things like that. Yes, before the sale, there were always swing sets, trampolines and things like that, but people cared back then & they don't really seem to anymore.

It makes me sad & makes me want to move. I know we will as soon as we can afford to & find a place where we can have our pets, but I really wish we didn't have to.

Entertainment

Dawn & Jason came by a new, big screen TV this week. They're both really happy about it, they'd been making due with their older one for awhile. I'm not sure if it's a flat screen, although I think it must be. They completely rearranged their living room the other day & moved the entertainment center and all of that. I was happy that they had a newer one, with a large opening, or they'd have had to get a new stand with plasma mounts on it, kind of like what we had to get when we upgraded our TV in January.

We bought our entertainment center in 1994, I think, and while it was perfect for us back then, it really wasn't going to work for a bigger TV. The opening in that wasn't going to hold what we currently have, no matter how creative we tried to be. It was looking old & tired anyway, and definitely needed to be replaced, I love the stand we bought, it fits who we are much better now.

I'm really happy & excited for Dawn & Jason, I know that it'll make watching TV a bigger pleasure for them now, and since Dawn wasn't even watching it anymore, that's saying quite a lot.

Crazy Days

I feel like a hamster that's been running in it's little ball for days, now. I went shopping Wednesday or Thursday evening & bought myself a bunch of cute tops & some pajamas and then Friday was payday for us & for Rhi, so I started out taking her to get her check & then to the store to do a little shopping of her own, then that afternoon was grocery shopping for us. That night, I headed back to the store to finish up what we didn't get earlier & to try to find a blouse to wear the next day.

Saturday was our 18th anniversary, but before any celebrating of any type could happen, I had to go to a funeral for a friend's stillborn baby, which of course is never just the funeral. You have that, then the meal & if you're close to the family, you go back to the house and visit and what not. I hung out there until around 2:30 & then came home. Troy & I went out to dinner & then he went to work. We relaxed on Sunday, because both of us were so tired & needed a recharge. Yesterday, we didn't do a lot, but we did go to a movie in the later afternoon (Inglorious Basterds) and then we came home & I cooked dinner. I swear, I need to find a way to get rid of blackheads, what with no time to take care of myself this week & the stress on top of that!

Troy's work week starts in the morning, hopefully things will mellow out a little bit after that.

Arg!

It's Talk Like a Pirate Day today, did you know that? I didn't realize it, but I did know it was coming up this month. I found out this morning from my Facebook, because I fanned Captain Morgan Spiced Rum awhile back & they seem to post an update about it every 10 minutes or so. It was cute, the first time when they told everyone to change their language option to English (Pirate), but honestly, I get it already. It's Talk Like a Pirate Day. Okay. The next update will be almost as welcome as a colon cleanse, that's how tired I am of it. I'd unfan them, but I like the recipes and such that they normally have, even though this is the first they've posted anything of in a long time and let me tell you, they're making up for lost time.

I'm so unmotivated today. I have dishes that need finishing & the weekly snack cake to make, and I just haven't even got the ambition to do either one.

Free Groceries?

In this time of economic hardship, who out there would turn down free groceries? A pasta company is giving away a grand prize of free groceries for a year or several other prizes of $200 mini grocery sprees. Run, don't walk & sign up to win, I did!

Travel Dragon Spell

Travel Dragon Spell

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Rid a Home of Negative Energy

Rid a Home of Negative Energy

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Do You Feel It?

Is Autumn rearing it's lovely head where you live yet? Are the days growing slightly cooler? I know we're starting to feel it, it was so nice this morning when Dawn & I took our daily walk, the air was just slightly crisp and some of the leaves up the canyon are just barely starting to change. We need to start taking our cameras with us again, to capture the ever-changing beauty we see down there every day.

Rhi is doing well, she's still working, still loving her job. She's starting to plan for the future & decide what she wants to do each week. She said this morning that she was pretty happy living here now, which is a big improvement. I'm so glad she feels welcome here & is content now. She has had any repeats of taking those weight loss pills on an empty stomach and getting sick, so hopefully, she's done with that.

I haven't heard from Erin since August 29, so I'm starting to get a little worried about him. I know he'll call me if he's able, I just hope he's still able. I wouldn't be worried, but we received a couple of strange phone calls from some older man in Georgia a few days after we last heard from him that set me on guard & made me start worrying about him. I hope he calls soon.

Laziness

I'm having a nice, somewhat lazy day. I had planned to get a bunch of housework done today, but you know what? I'm tired & ready to just relax & rest, it's a holiday, I deserve to enjoy myself and not be stressing myself out over the house for a change. Rhi doesn't have to be to work until 4, Troy is off & playing Farmtown, I'm sitting here bouncing around on Facebook, trying to catch up from the weekend & seriously considering fixing my lunch & then having a nap.

I asked a question on another blog about suggestions for skin care. Apparently I still haven't narrowed down the best acne treatment for my skin type & age. I was wondering what all of you use, if you're still affected by acne at any rate. I currently use an apricot scrub in the mornings & wash my face with a cosmetic wipe thingy and night. Both work okay, but I still have periodic break outs, so do you have any ideas for me? I'm not interested in the super expensive stuff or anything I can't easily buy in a small town or on the net at a reasonable price.

Anyway, I think that lunch is sounding yummy right now & so is that nap.

Sometimes

You know, I find so many of my things out of place in the bathroom these days & food that ends up being gone long before I think it ought to that some days I feel like I need to install video surveillance equipment all over the house, just so I'm not being lied to anymore. I do care about other people using my hair products and makeup, the food really doesn't matter that much, other than stuff that I have set aside to use for meals, but I'd still rather have the truth when I ask about it.

Every day I think I remove one more thing from the bathroom & put it away in my bedroom so that it won't get used by anyone but myself. That sounds pathetic, I know, but I stopped buying the cheap stuff after the kids all moved out & I don't feel like I should have to share it now. I don't get into her things & use her makeup & such, she has no hair products except hairspray & I have my own. I would never wear her clothes, even if I could fit into them, so she isn't losing anything to me & all of my stuff gradually gets used up without me.

It doesn't seem to matter how many times I confront her about things, the next day it's something else that she's using. Last week it was my deep conditioner & the stuff I use everyday to help keep my hair color from fading, then it was my foundation & eye shadow, now it's the texturizer I use in my hair occasionally. Who knows what it'll be next?

The Weight Loss Thing

I'm not sure if I've posted about my weight loss on this blog, or not. I may have been keeping it solely to the other one these days, I can't remember. Anyway, in November when Troy nearly died from gangrene in his gall bladder (and the gases being pumped into all of his other organs) we had a long talk about our health, eating & future. We decided that neither of us was prepared to lose the other to an illness that we had any power to control by changing our lifestyle right there & then. I never wanted to put Troy through the fear I was living with then & didn't want me to go through it again (and trust me, it isn't the first time I've been sitting there wondering if he would be coming home), so we hanged pretty much everything we were doing with our lives.

We both got more active, even though for me that was a months-long process to even be able to start, since I contracted mono while I was spending all of my waking moments at the hospital with him & was horribly sick all winter & into the spring. He started working out, I started walking every day. At first, we walked 7 days a week, and after we were well into it, we started taking the weekends off (by we I mean Dawn & I). We were all eating better & being super careful about what the food we were eating had in it & cut a lot of stuff out, like high fructose corn syrup and the like. I lost about 10 pounds through that process & Troy was losing like crazy. I was getting frustrated & down on myself, feeling like I was never going to lose enough weight to make a difference without surgery or using a diet pill like Avesil or something, but I joined a program to help me learn to eat better & live better & I'm doing great. Counting that first ten pounds, I've lost 47 so far & have gone down almost 4 sizes in pants & probably 2 in shirts.

I haven't talked about it a lot on my blogs, I've just been living it, it's not that I'm ashamed or anything, i just never felt like any of the readers I have really wanted to hear about what I ate today or how frustrated I was at losing nothing a certain week, or even gaining some, so I've kept it mostly it of here. I do occasionally post about my total loss & the story behind it all for those of you who don't know, but there it is, as of this week, I've lost 47 pounds. That was really the point of the whole post, to say that & since I wasn't sure if I'd ever mentioned it on here, felt I needed to. So, yay for losing!

Oh Well

I went out looking for a lower rate on our car insurance & got a bunch of insurance quotes, but I guess we already have the lowest rate for our vehicles already. I'm not complaining about what we pay, we got a great rate & it's way lower than we were paying before we switched a couple of years ago, but I was hoping to go even lower.

I imagine that I'll find other places that I can cut back on, like grocery shopping. I buy a lot of name brand products because I'm picky & spent many years only being able to afford store brands. I decided that once we didn't have to buy them, I wasn't going to anymore. I can do it again, it won't make that much difference in the taste of things and will probably save us quite a bit. I have already cut way back on gas for my car I really only fill up once a month. I won't give up Weight Watchers or buying clothes as I need them, I can't go naked, after all, but I will keep it at a reasonable range, especially since I won't be wearing anything for very long until I reach my goal.

Other than that, I make sure lights are turned off when we aren't in a room & I turn off the swamp cooler when we leave the house or evening comes, I also haven't been watching as much TV these days, either. Any other ideas? I'm not great with this kind of thing.

Cutting Costs

I've been trying to rework our budget lately just so we can have the bare minimum going out in case Troy loses his job or anything. I just don't want to sit around & worry that we won't be able to make it on his unemployment in the event that we have to, you know? I try to keep our food costs down, but there are weeks when we run out of everything & that almost doubles our grocery bill. Now that we have Rhi living with us again, groceries will go up some, too. I think I'll try to find cheaper car insurance, if that's even possible & cut the costs of our utilities as much as possible & gas for my car & just see what we can do on our savings plan.

I'm not terribly worried about his job, but you never know what the future holds, especially in the field he's in, so it's best to try to be as prepared as possible & not be caught unawares, you know? I don't like surprises, especially bad ones & would rather be ready for anything, if at all possible. I hate the state this country is in, I wish & hope that things will start to look up for all of us, soon.

Fun!

Dawn & I went grocery shopping today (I go with her every month to get hers, just to keep her company mostly) and after we went to a couple of grocery stores, we ran into a discount store to look for a tabletop fountain for her altar & of course we looked around at other things while we were there. We couldn't find them where they had been all summer, mostly because they were a seasonal item & they were already adding all of the nifty Halloween decorations. We stopped to look through that stuff, of course & found some really cute things that both of us would love to have & some gorgeous garlands of autumn leaves & vines in several different colors that I want for the booth. I think the only thing we didn't see were Halloween party invitations, which was okay, because I usually make my own. (when we have a party, at any rate)

We did eventually find the fountains & she got a really cute one for $2.50 because they were all on clearance. I bought myself one the other day on our shopping trip for about $4, so I was thrilled that she managed to get an awesome deal on something she really wanted, too. We're goiong to her house tonight to finally taste the beer & hard cider we made last month & for a nice barbecue with some other friends. It should be a nice evening & I'm really looking forward to it.

Shades of Autumn

It feels different outside these days. Yes, we still have hot, muggy days, but the nights are cooling down & the mornings have been outright cold. Dawn & I have both switched from wearing out tank tops while walking to wearing t-shirts & soon I'm sure we'll start taking our jackets with us. I'm just happy that I bought a bunch of pairs of track pants & yoga pants so my legs won't be cold.

Dawn & I went shopping together today, I really didn't buy anything other than some shampoo & conditioner and a set of sheets that match our comforter that were on clearance, but Dawn needed new walking shoes & dog supplies, so I went along with her. I found a super cute sweater that I want for the fall & a pair of shoes, too.. they even have a nice high heel, which will be the first pair of those I've wanted in many years. I'll pick both of them up when I get paid & then I'm saving the rest of my future checks for something else. I'm not sure what really, but I'd love to do something special with Troy this winter, maybe get away for a couple of days or so, who knows?

We're in the middle of a thunder storm, it's barely raining still, but the skies are definitely rumbling, and I have Tiny lying up here on the couch next to me. She doesn't seem to mind the thunder when she's outside, but it does scare her when she's in the house. I've been trying to downplay it & not give her extra attention lately, I hope it'll work.

Water Scrying

Water Scrying

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A Long Day

I feel like I've had a headache right at the edge of my senses all day. I've taken ibuprofen, allergy meds earlier & just now some cold meds, so hopefully something will do something, I can't take it much longer. Rhi came home from work this afternoon & went back to bed. I always know she really isn't feeling well when she actually comes home after work, because she usually hangs out with her friends until about 8 or 9 (or later). She also retreats to the shower or tub a lot when she isn't well, and when she took her 4rd one of the day, she accidently knock the handheld shower out of it's holder & it feel apart. She had a major meltdown, which I pretty much ignored, because I figured something wasn't working right for her in her room & wanted to give her some space. Troy & I went to buy ice & I got her a Diet Pepsi while we were out, and when I took it to her, she was a mess in her room, very upset over having broken it, thinking we were going to want her to move out. Troy wasn't able to fix it, so we went & got a new one, it's not like it was expensive to begin with & we'd had it a few years in hard water, it was to be expected eventually.

She's enjoying her job a lot, which is refreshing, but she does keep looking for something to supplement it with, since she doesn't get a lot of hours. I wish she'd take that CNA course, or maybe some medical coding training courses, so she could have an actual career to fall back on. Maybe one of these days she really will go back to school, I just know that I never did & am afraid she won't, either.

Kids

I'm not sure if I mentioned in my previous post that Rhi moved back in with us this past Friday, but she did. I gave her a whole long list of things we expect from her if she's going to live here & she agreed to them. She even paid her phone bill & rent right away, which made things a lot easier for us. I'm really hoping she'll stick to the rules, because I want this to be a positive situation for all of us, with no fighting & tears, this time around.

Anyway, she was scheduled to work the day shift today, which means she has to be there at 10am, so as I was getting ready to leave for my walk this morning, I stopped by her room & made sure she was awake & then came in here & sat down for a few minutes. She staggered in & got a glass of water, came & sat down on the loveseat & started to take a couple of pills. I asked her what she was taking (we have a strict zero tolerance policy in our home regarding illegal substances), she said it was diet pills, (not prescription, more like ultra 90 and the like), mostly for the caffeine, so she could wake up. I just kind of shook my head & headed out for my walk.

Halfway through it, she texted me & told me she had thrown up very badly & was going to go to work late, so she could see if a little sleep would help, I told her it was probably the pills & when they were completely out of her system, she'd feel better. She felt good enough to go to work by about 11:30 or so, and seems to be doing well now. I did make sure to talk to her & let her know that she didn't need pills & that we do have coffee & tea all the time, so hopefully we'll have no repeats in the days ahead.

Almost Autumn

We noticed this morning that the leaves are starting to turn on the trees on our walk. I'm excited, because as much as I love summer, I'm ready for the cooler, calmer days of autumn. I was able to get some really nice clothes the other day to wear for fall & winter & I'm excited to get to wear them, already. I had to, most of the rest of my clothes are way too big for me now. I spent a couple of hours today culling out the stuff that was too big & digging through my dresser & pulling out old favorites that I hadn't had the heart to get rid of when I gained all of this weight. I was thrilled to find that many of them already fit me again, and the rest will before very much longer.

I got new jeans, a nice pair of black slacks, some very nice tops & a cute Ed Hardy t-shirt. I didn't get anything printed with a tuxedo on it, or any shoes that were too young for me, I tried very hard to make choi that would be good for my body type & my age. I took a lot of advice from Troy when choosing & listened to my own inner voice, too. Troy was concerned because I didn't get a bunch of super warm things, but I really don't wear that type of thing, I usually just layer things, so I can stay warm or cool down if needed.

Anyway, Davy stayed several days in the hospital & ended up having to have surgery on his feet to remove the infection. I guess he didn't have a heart attack, after all, so that was good news. We were worried for awhile that his right foot would have to be amputated, along with his toes on the left foot, but they seem to have gotten it all taken care of. His mom had surgery to remove uterine cancer a couple of weeks ago & still isn't able to leave the hospital, so we're all still very worried about her & then on top of all of this, the town they live in, New Harmony, had to be evacuated the other day because a wild fire was threatening it. The smoke here was so bad that it was hard to breathe & it smelled so bad that all we really wanted was to wake up & smell fresh, clean air again (which we were able to today, finally). So, a lot has been going on, hopefully the bad times are behind us now.