Thursday, April 30, 2009


Erin got a bit of a scare the other day in the mail. He got a notice of arraignment in the mail that was post-dated on April 27. The notice stated that his court date was April 24, which meant he didn't show up. So, we were all pretty sure there was another bench warrant out on him & so he called today to find out what he could do. Apparently, whoever made out the papers, but that days date on it & not the actual date of his arraignment, which is May 19. So, that was a relief.

Rhi & I got into another argument last night, over something really stupid. She got a joke on her phone about President Obama, that I had gotten earlier in the day & wasn't amused by. She started to tell it, I told her I'd goten it too & didn't think it was funny. She screamed at me that it wasn't racist & that it was funny, I tried to explain that it didn't matter, it was anti-Obama, I was tired of those kind of jokes & it was my opinion that it wasn't funny. She screamed a little more & left. She did text me later & we worked it out, but it was certainly out of the blue & pointless.

I'm sick again. My back & head ache without ceasing. My eyes are gunked up. I'm trying to decide whetherI want to go out for the first of our Beltane celebrations tonight, or not. I probably will, but will want to come home as soon as possible an then I'll probably fall into bed. Blech.

Booking Through Thursday

Play Along!

Which is worse?

Finding a book you love and then hating everything else you try by that author, or

Reading a completely disappointing book by an author that you love?

For me, I think it's reading a disappointing book by a favorite author, because then I start to worry that they've lost their touch & that everything they write from now on will be crap, then I'll have to find another author that I like as much.. it just goes onn & on.

I have stopped reading a few, at least for awhile after having read two in a row that were disappointing. I usually go back to them, but it sometimes takes years & several recommendations before I do.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Scary Times

I guess the big story in the news right now is all about the Swine Flu outbreak, isn't it? I'm concerned about it, but mostly because my immune system has been screwed up since Troy was in the hospital. We're both afraid that if I get it, I won't survive.

I'm thankful that we live in a small town in the middle of nowhere, but we do get a lot of tourists here, so I guess we have just as much of a chance of having an outbreak here as anyone else does. I think I'd be scared to death if I still had kids in school, just knowing what kind of germs & stuff that they bring home is a cause for concern, anyway, let alone in a time like this.

What about you parents who do have young children? If they're in school do you think you're more concerned? Are you even worried about it, at all? Have you taken any precautions? I don't know if there are any that can be taken. I hadn't paid a lot of attention to it all until last night, and then Troy & I expressed the same sentiment, hoping that I don't get it.

I did read today that the US had it's first casualty in Texas & that the WHO has raised the alert to "pandemic level 5" and stated that a global outbreak is emminent. That's pretty scary.

Wednesday Mind Hump

Play along!

Tell a story about your pets.

Well, I've told a lot of stories about the pets through the years, I'll have to think for a few minutes & try to come up with one tthat I haven't told yet.

It's not really a "story," but ever since the weather has warmed up, we've been taking Tiny outside & letting her stay out there for the day. We had tried this in past years, but she was never happy out there for more than an hour or so, so we didn't have high hopes this time around, either. The first day we had her out there, she had a ball, but Troy was so worried about her he brought her in after about 2 hours. She came in, had something to eat & immediately wanted back out, so we took her back out for another 2 hours or so.

The next morning, she was waiting by our bedroom door & when we came out, she raced to the front door, sat down & waited to go out again. She's been that way every day since then, she just can't wait to get out there.

She got a bit upset a couple of days last week, when it was too cold for her to spend the day out there, but she survived. She was out yesterday until about 9pm & never complained once.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Status Quo

Things are about the same as they have been for awhile. No one is in jail, all three kids are still speaking to us and none of them are hurt, sick or dying. Some weeks, that's about the best you can hope for, you know?

Rhi's insurance coverage ends soon, so we're concerned about how she'll pay for her medication after that. It's not like she can just stop taking it, she's on Prozac & Depakote for her bi-polar disorder, she needs it, it helps to keep her alive, quite frankly. She's trying like crazy to get a job these days, she knows she has to start paying for it herself & soon, she knows that most of our extra money has been going towards Troy's hospital bill & that we can't just stop paying it. So, I'm worried about her & hoping she'll find something soon. If I could afford to pay for them I would without hesitation, they aren't optional, so you know it's just not in our budget.

Erin is still staying away, but I'm pretty sure that it's mostly because the weather has been much nicer & his friends are wanting to get out & do more things now & he's always up for doing just about anything that isn't staying at home. I think it's great, he's less likely to ddo stupid stuff when he isn't bored.

Garrett's paternal grandmother died on Sunday night & he's having a rough time. He has so many conflicting feelings about her. They were very close when he was little & drifted apart in her later years, when she started being hateful & cruel to everyone around her. He feels sad, guilty & relieved all at the same time. I went through very similar feelings when my own grandmother died last summer, so I can relate to what he's going through & hope he'll come to me if he even just needs to talk.

Ten on Tuesday

10 on Tuesday

10 Words People Would Use to Describe You

1. Funny
2. Caring
3. Generous
4. Modest
5. Loving
6. Laid-back
7. Motherly
8. Intuitive
9. Shy
10. Creative

Monday, April 27, 2009

Back in the Day

Back before I became a mom, or even got pregnant with Garrett, I had decided that I didn't really want any kids. I was young & selfish & was pretty sure I wouldn't be a very good mom & felt like I wouldn't want to give up that much of my freedom for that many years. In my mind, the question was settled, and then I married a man that really wanted a kid. He just wanted one, no more than that. I thought about it for awhile & decided I could handle one kid, that it wouldn't change my life that much & so I agreed.

It didn't take me a terribly long time to get pregnant, but by the time I was four months along, I was pretty sick. My blood pressure shot up, the headaches started & I felt miserable almost all the time. I ended up in the hospital for 2 or 3 weeks before was delivered via emergency c-section. As soon as he was born I knew that I'd give up any amount of my freedom for as long as he wanted me to.

My life changed forever that day, no matter what I thought from that day forward, I knew I wanted to be a mom & that "just one" was never going to be enough for me. I still think it's funny that the stupid kid who never wanted ANY kids left that marriage because ONE wasn't enough. I have never regretted that decision. My kids have brought so much fullness to my life, things that I'd have never had if I hadn't agreed to "just one," let alone all three of them.

Just Another...

Manic Monday!

What's the best summer job you ever had? I was a docent at the Pueblo Childrens' Museum & loved it. It was a hands-on experience for kids called "PAWS" (Pueblo Art Works), so I got to spend my days playing with kids & showing them how to use the exhibits.

Tell me about the worst date you ever went on. I think I was 16 or so & a guy I'd had a crush on at church for years asked me to the movies. I knew he had a girlfriend, so I assumed he had broken up with her & went with him. The movie was horrible, he took me out "parking" after & when I refused to give him sex, he left me there. I saw him the next night with his girlfriend & yelled, "Thanks for last night ______, it was wonderful!" just to get him in trouble & never spoke to him agan after that.

Do you think the age for a driver's license should be raised (currently 16 here in the U.S.)? No, I think it's fine. I do appreciate a lot of the restrictions that have been placed on new drivers in many states, though & think it helps lower the accident rate.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Living on the Cheap

When my children were young, we never seemed to have enough money to take care of everything that need to done. They always had enough food to eat, clothes on their backs (suitable for whatever the weather was), toys to play with & gifts on birthdays & holidays. Sometimes I wonder how we ever managed & if we could go back to living that simply. I doubt we could, but I'd love to try to live at least a little more simply in these days of "economic downturn."

One of the things that I did when mine were little (before they cared what was in style) was to shop all of the end-of-season clearance sales. I would buy things in a size or so larger than they were wearing then & put it away for the next year. That's how I always made sure they had coats & snow boots, and they were always nice ones, too. As they got older, I continued to shop clearance sales, but I put a lot of my purchases back for the holidays & made sure to shop online clearance sales, too. Yes, sometimes they complained that they only time I ever bought them anything was when it was on sale, but they didn't do without anything, either.

Unconcious Mutterings

Play along!

  1. Soul :: Food

  2. Fold ::Clothes

  3. Breakup :: Song

  4. Will :: Won't

  5. Fond :: Memories

  6. Powers :: Super

  7. Ho-hum :: Droll

  8. Hustle :: Bustle

  9. Avenue :: Street

  10. Tower :: Fallen

Saturday, April 25, 2009

The Week at a Glance

I think I saw Rhi more this week than I saw Erin, which is weird, since he lives here & she doesn't.

I think Erin is getting ready to take off for the summer & is distancing himself again, to make it easier to leave. I get that, he gets himself nested here & it makes it hard for him to go, but he has himself convinced he can't be happy unless he's doing something fun all of his waking hours, yet he has no hobbies. I miss him, but he really isn't around that much anyway, he's always asleep or out with his friends.

Rhi seems to bounce between thinking she's very sick with something, depression over not finding a job & normal, everyday happiness. She's been having more good days than bad, which is really a nice change.

I guess that's about it, it wasn't an incredibly exciting parenting week around here, which isn't always a bad thing!

Saturday 9: A Little Less Conversation

Join in the fun!

1. If you could have just one more conversation with a person from your past, who would it be? Either my Grandpa Harden, since he died when I was 5 & I barely got a chance to know him or my Grandma Harden, because I want to know what changed her from the happy & in love young woman I saw in her pictures to the hard-hearted person I knew all my life.

2. Do your friends tend to be male or female? Well, I have both. I tend to have more male friends, but my best friend (other than Troy) is female.

3. What is in your car’s trunk? Right now? Camp chairs, a car vacuum, a first aid kit, junk, a canopy, more junk. It needs to be cleaned out. Badly.

4. What was the last CD that you purchased? Gin Blossoms: Major Lodge Victory, over 2 years ago.

5. What is your favorite movie and why? I have far too many favorites to name just one.

6. If you could wake up with a new talent tomorrow, what would it be? I wish I could wake up with a talent for organization, because my life & business woyld run a lot more smoothly.

7. What is your favorite day of the week and why? Whatever day is Troy's first day off. This week it'll be Sunday.

8. What are you wearing when you feel you’re at your best? It's not so much what I'm wearing as how I feel about myself that day.

9. When was the last time cried? I can't remember, so it's been awhile.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Friday 5 for April 24: Annoyance

Play along at Friday5!

1. What’s the most annoying sound in the world? Wow. Anything repetitive, honestly. If it's in music, I can handle it, but if someone is just doing it to make noise, it grates on my nerves.
2. Which of other people’s mannerisms do you find very annoying? When they know everything there is to know about everything under the sun. Honestly, it's okay to admit that you don't know it all. I also hate saccharine sweetness, if you don't like me, don't talk to me.
3. What do you do that really annoys others? I interrupt, sometimes I'm way too blunt & sometimes I tease too much.
4. In what way has your own behavior recently caused you annoyance? It annoys me when I start convincing myself that my friends don't like me because I haven't heard from them for a couple of days or so.
5. Who’s the most annoying person you know? Currently? A couple in our group of friends that bit off more than they can chew & are trying to get everyone elses sympathy individually.

The Furkids are Like Toddlers

Wow. I don't think I've yelled, disciplined & been quite as frustrated as I have been today since the human offspring were toddlers. Part of the problem is the kittens are almost grown & neither of them are fixed. You can yell at me if you like, but Buster, the male, isn't my cat, he belongs to Erin. Booger, I rescued from Rhi's house when she was manic & losing it last year, before meds. I never really intended to keep her, but no one else wanted her, Troy ended up in the hospital, bills started coming due & we have no extra money to do much of anything these days.

I haven't had any work all week, so I can't even say that I'll start saving up my own money to pay for it, it just isn't going to happen until we can breathe a little easier. I won't toss her outside & I can't afford to take her to the shelter (they charge $60) so, I guess we'll just deal with it & hope for the best.

So, I'm dealing with her walking around yowling, him following her & trying to mount her & Kaji staring at them like they're crazy.

Then we have Tiny. Tiny has been spending the warm days out in the yard. I take her some water & her food, hook her up to her lead (she'll get under the trailer, otherwise, & escape). She's been doing really well out there, unless loud noises happen, then she needs to come in. I took Rhi home a couple of hours ago & Tiny was fine out there, happy & not barking or anything. When I got back, she was nowhere to be found, but her lead was stretched across the yard & seemed to be going under the trailer. I called for her & she stuck her nose out. It was clear that she couldn't get out on her own, but she sure kept trying. She managed to get under there by squeezing under Erin's bike & was trying to get out over the lawnmower.

I ended up having to pull the skirting off, pull ger out, unhook the lead & then get it unstuck before we were done. So, now she can't go back out until that's fixed & Troy will have to take care of it when he gets home.

So, it's been a day.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Fun Times

I do have to admit, that no matter how frustrating it is to watch your adult children make mistakes with their lives & no matter how helpless that may make us feel, parenting has been an unforgettable journey.

We have had some hilarious times together throughout the years, especially when one of us misunderstands what someone says, like, "He was a Plano Dentist" and then one of the kids will say, "What's the difference between a plain, old dentist & the one we go to? Are they the same?" Then if they didn't say it clearly enough we misunderstand & explain that a Plano dentist practices in Plano & theirs practices here & they stare at us, dumbfounded. It can get pretty funny sometimes.

Yeah, there are times of worry & stress & sometimes I still lie awake at night & freak out about things that are happening in their lives. Rhi won't have health insurance after next month & I worry how she'll get her medication & what will happen to her if she can't get it. I worry about Erin & what will happen to him & how he'll change if he has to to to jail. I know worrying won't change anything & that I can't fix this, but I'm their mom & no matter how old they get, I'll keep trying to keep them safe.

Friday, April 17, 2009


Wow. Total cereal is really bland. I added some cut up strawberries & Truvia sweetener to it, too & I honestly think a travel health insurance brochure would be tastier. I thought the days of healthy food not tasting good were over, but apparently they haven't, at least for the good folks who make this cereal. I eat a lot of healthy cereals, honestly, I don't really eat any other kind & this is the only one that I've found that not only had no flavor, but was so bland it seemed to suck the flavor out of the strawberries & sweetener, too.

Granted, it's really hard to find a good tasting cereal that doesn't have high-fructose corn syrup in it (and I refuse to eat or drink anything with that crap in it), but they're out there, just like other foods that don't have it. I've noticed lately that several companies are starting to advertise that they no longer use it as a sweetener, which makes me really happy. I buy a lot of organic products because they don't contain it & the ingredients list is nice & short. I love when I can not only pronounce everything on there, but know what each ingredient is & that they aren't a chemical or something else with no nutritional value.

Anyway, Kashi makes some great, healthy cereal. Wild Harvest (available at Albertson's) also makes delcious cereal. The price is pretty much comparable, considering that we'll actually eat the whole box of either brand, but I'm not sure this Total is ever going to get eaten. Blech.

A Little Better

Rhi seemed to be in better spirits last night, she was still angry about the way she had been treated, but she wasn't ready to just give up anymore. She has talked about moving away & finding something else & I guess she could go & sell cheap auto insurance in Texas, but honestly, she needs money to move anywhere & you since she isn't working, that isn't even an option for her right now.

I just wish someone would give her a chance, she can be a great employee when she's motivated to do so. Not having a steady job for months has been a pretty good motivation for her, I think. A lotof the reason she wasn't a great employee last year was that she was unmedicated & had little to no impulse control, so when her "friends" woudhld decide to show up at 9pm, knowing she had to be to work at 11, she'd just blow work off because she didn't want to miss out on anything. It really made me angry when her friends started doing that, knowing she'd stay home. She had rent & utilities to pay, groceries to buy and all of that, but they didn't care. After all, they weren't losing anything if she couldn't pay the rent. It's pretty much all gone downhill for her since then.

She doesn't hang around with those people anymore & seems to have learned her lesson about them, but that doesn't give her a chance to get a new job & another chance. I don't know how she's going about filling out her applications or anything, but it just doesn't seem to be working, whatever she's doing.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Poor Kid

So, apparently a local telemarketing company called Rhi a couple of days ago & told her they wanted to interview her. She set up an appointment for this morning at 8. I picked her up & came home, letting her take the car so I didn't have to sit out in the cold & wait for her. She texted me awhile later & was very upset & angry, but was going to check on a couple of other applications she had turned in at other places before coming back.

When she did get here, she told me she went in there & the guy she was supposed to talk to was very rude to her & acted like he had no idea why she was there. Then he informed her that they weren't going to interview her at all & had no idea why she thought they were. She left & sat in the car awhile crying. I am so angry that they keep treating her like this. She was done with that company after the last time she went in & interviewed, but they called her this time, so was pretty excited & hopeful about it. This guy has such a fat head that I think he needs to find the
best diet pills that are made & try to cure it before someone sues him & that company. He had no excuse to treat her that way, they may not be pleased with her performance when she worked there at 16 (when she was an undiagnosed bipolar), but she's still a human being & deserves a little respect because of that, if for no other reason.

I get so upset for her. She's trying so hard to find a job & stand on her own feet & no one will give her a chance. There are so many people that she knows that have screwed up worse than she ever did that keep getting hired, but not her. She can't catch a break with a net anymore. I'm really hoping things will turn around for her, soon.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Change of Plans

Apparently, Erin isn't going to Denver now. The friends he was going with have all decided that it's too risky & changed their minds, which leaves him with room mates that he doesn't know if he does end up going. I can't say that I blame him, but it does leave us wondering how he plans to pay his fines & so on. So, we may or may not have our home to ourselves over the summer, it all depends on what else he decides to do. I know he's planning on at least one or to Rainbow Gatherings, but other than that, who knows?

I'm trying to plan Rhi's birthday party, which she wants to have at a campground south of here called Red Cliffs. I'm trying to decide whether we ought to camp or just come home when we're done. The problem is, it can get really hot down there & I don't want to roast, but I'm not sure there's really any reliable way of telling before we actually go down there. I'm still trying to decide what to get her for a gift. She wants a new graphics tablet, but if I can't afford one, I need to have a backup plan. She loves heart pendant jewelry, but it seems like she ends up breaking every piece of jewelry I buy her. She'd probably like artsy stuff, too, but who knows what. I think I'm just not going to stress out about it & take it as it comes. Troy is taking vacation that week, so it should be a pretty great time all around.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Still Kicking

I still have no idea what the white powdery stuff in my coffee grinder is or was & I haven't used it since I found it in there that second time (mostly because it kind of scares me, honestly). I don't even know if it's still in the house, because I haven't looked for it. I do know that Erin will be leaving town around May 1, to go to Denver. He'll be getting some sales training & then going to work selling satellite systems over the summer. That way he can pay off his fines & then figure out what he wants to do next. So, one more month of the strangeness & we'll be free, at least for the summer, if not longer.

Rhi is still trying to find a job & having no luck. She's just about ready to apply for disability & hope for the best, quite frankly. She will be starting school soon, hopefully & I'm pretty sure that out insurance will keep covering her as long as she's in school. I worry about her not being able to get her prescriptions, and she really has to have them. So, here's hoping that the insurance doesn't let us down.

At least we haven't had a lot of drama lately, which is always a good sign. Maybe with the weather getting slowly warmer neither of them will be bored & looking to make their own excitement, you know?