Friday, January 04, 2013

The Bad with the Good

I found out yesterday that our daughter is marrying this man she's living with, within the next couple of weeks.  Her reasoning? Her probation officer told her she couldn't live there - that the home doesn't meet their requirements for one reason or another (I could name a few - weapons, alcohol & do on). So, I guess if they're married he can't say anything, at least in her mind. I'm thinking they'll still have to get rid of the weapons & alcohol. I know she believes that she's in love with him. She always does, no matter who she's involved with. She claims that she's wanted to be with him for 3 years - funny, she was with one guy she claimed to love then & stepping out with another one that she claimed was her soul-mate & the only man she'd ever love back then. So.. while I'm sure he's buying into it, I lived with her then, I know who she was all about 3 years ago. We aren't going (I wasn't invited, nor was her brother), she did ask my husband if he'd  do the ceremony and he didn't tell her he wouldn't. I kind of threw a fit & forbade it, being that it not only puts him in a bad position, but it indicates a tacit approval of the way she's living, so he will be telling her he won't perform it. I know it seems like a shitty thing for me to do, but he didn't want to do it in the first place. He never feels great about marrying couples he feels like are getting married for the wrong reasons, and then to have all of this trauma & drama connected to her, he doesn't need the guilt.

The good? Today is our son's 1 year clean & sober date. A year ago, in the early hours of the morning, I picked him up from the bus stop, in the next city south of us. We spent that 45 minute drive home doing a lot of talking. He did a lot of confessing & there were a lot of tears. We dropped my daughter off at her home & we spent a few hours talking, crying and trying to make sense of the craziness he had lived over the years. We both slept awhile, then started the day with some more of the same. There were months where all it seemed we did was talk & cry, but those times grew less & less and the happy times started to fill their place. There were days of triumph & days of sadness for him, but in the end he is a much stronger, happier - content man & we are very proud of him.

Our daughter tells us AA doesn't work. Our son (and my husband) show us every day that it does, as long as you work the program.