Friday, July 24, 2009

Things to Think About

I never used to pay much attention to what happens on the Interstates of our country, I used to just drive on them to where ever I was going & not really think about it, much. Ever since Erin started this whole hitch-hiking thing he does, I've paid more attention, mostly because any of those things could have an affect on him & his life. I see huge scorch marks burned into the asphalt & medians, and I worry about my son & him getting caught in a vehicle fire. I see tractor-trailers broken down on the shoulder, waiting to be towed or the driver is trying to fix whatever the problem is so they don't lose time, miles & money.

People drive so carelessly, unmindful of the high speeds that they're traveling & what it would do to them if they hit someone else, they're in too much of a hurry to get down the road & can't be bothered to be careful. It's not unusual to a see a motorhome towing a car & weaving into the other lane, not really aware that they are, because honestly, some of those things are huge & they forget that & that they're towing anything behind them. We saw one towing a small U-Haul-type trailer with a car behind that once. Is that even legal? If it is, it's still crazy, can you imagine the money they spend on gas for one trip?

Anyway, I'm more aware these days, mostly, yes, because I worry about my son, but also, the road is a big part of his life now & I want to know how people live out there.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Business as Usual

Erin is.. somewhere out there, between Flint, MI & Louisville, KY. I'm not sure what he's doing or why he's going to Kentucky, but I miss him & wish he planned to be here for his birthday. I didn't get to be with Garrett for his 21st & it's looking unlikely that I'll spend Erin's with him, either. Oh well, there will be other birthdays & other summers I imagine.

Rhi is still looking for work, still getting high & still doing whatever it is that she does. We're not close, we really never have been & I'm moving towards acceptance. I know she doesn't really need me around, not as much as she needs us to pay her phone bill & give her money occasionally. Trust me, it's VERY occasionally, I usually feel more comfortable with just buying her what she needs & that doesn't happen very often anymore.

I'm feeling listless this summer, nothing is happening. My email is full of ads for things like Clinicallix, and credit cards, none of which I need, so nothing fun in there to read & my snail mail is pretty much the same, full of ads for insurance, grocery store sales & bills. TV has been pretty good, there are new episodes of True Blood, Burn Notice, Royal Pains & In Plain Sight, so at least I can watch that at night.

I look forward to be every night, that's when I can relax & read until I'm ready for sleep. I don't stay up laqte, I have to get up in the mornings & walk every week day, so I try to make sure I get enouh sleep, but this weekend, I'm staying up to read & sleeping in every morning!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Far From Home

Erin had a good time at the Rainbow Gathering, then he took off for Michigan to meet some people, so they could go somewhere else. Virginia I think, but I can't remember what for. I miss him & I worry about him, especially when he tells me he tried to hop a train & almost died, but there isn't really anything I can do except wait for the next phone call telling me where he is & that he's okay. I wish he'd figure out what he wants to do with his life & get started on that, no matter where it is, even if it's driving a tuck for the best moving companies Los Angeles has to offer, as long as he's settled & in one place, I'd be satisfied.

Rhi had a rough week at faire & in life in general. She isn't happy in the relationship she's in & neither is he, honestly, but neither of them will let go & move on. I think each of them is hoping the other will magically change & become the person they thought they were involved with. She was acting out quite a bit, she left the booth & Justin there so she could go & get high & then couldn't understand why I'd be pissed off. She stayed one other night & was a little wild that night, too, so I'm thinking I can't rely on her to stay in my booth & act like the adult she is, so I'll have to stay there myself or find someone else to.

I do wonder at times where I went wrong, but I guess I can't blame myself for all of their choices forever, they are, after all, adults.