Thursday, September 16, 2010

Exciting News

Erin called Troy a couple of times after he talked to me, just to make sure his dad was okay & all. He mentioned that while he's working on the oil spill he wants to save enough money to pay his fines & if he can't do that, he's wanting to come home & just turn himself in, so he can do his time & get it over with. He wants to go to college to try to be a vet tech, or just find a job or something & try to start figuring his life out. He told Troy, "I'm 22 now, I need to do something with my life." I'm so excited that he may be coming home for good, I've missed him so much, I know we all have.

I'll lose the best fat burners I've ever experienced, which has been the stress & worry about him, but trust me, I'll find something else. It'll be so worth it! I know Rhi will be ecstatic to find this out, she has missed having her big brother around to talk to. I think it'll be good for her to have someone like him to talk to.

Well, time to get the car loaded for our trip tomorrow.

I Love Momopathy

Erin called me this morning, he said he'd been feeling like he needed to for a couple of days. I love when I'm able to broadcast the "call home" signal to him & he picks it up, no matter where he is. He sounds great, he was sober & sounded like he was happy & well. Apparently, Bella messed her tail up when she was hit by that car last month, so she had to have a minor amputation & go on antibiotics, but he says she's doing great now.

He's in Florida right now & headed for New Orleans to see if he can get on with the oil spill clean up & earn enough money to come home & pay his fines. He's been talking about just coming home & doing his time so that he doesn't feel like a fugitive every time he is here. He'd like to be able to come whenever he likes & have a home base, but still have the freedom to be out & about with his friends, without the fear of being picked up & put in jail.

I, never in a million years, would have imagined my life like this. I thought I'd be giving my daughter or daughter-in-law advice on how to increase breast milk production and my sons advice on how to be good dads & fathers at this point in my life. Instead, I give a son & daughter advice on jail & facing up to their actions & try to advise the other one about arguing in public & dragging the whole world into it. What a life, huh?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


I'm missing Erin today. I haven't heard from him since I sent him the money to get Bella out of the pound. I hope he's okay & that all is well. I dreamed of him the other day, dreamed that he texted me (which has never happened) and said "Hey mom, it's Erin. I'm on my way home." In a way it was comforting, but also kind of scary. I don't know why the dream bothered me, but it surely did.

I think of him often. I wonder if he has a new girlfriend, how Bella is, if he's eating enough & drinking too much. I wonder if his nodular acne ever cleared up, if he still has dreads, if he'll be warm enough this fall & mostly where he is & if he's safe. Thankfully, most of you have no idea what it's like to never know where one of your kids is & if they're alive. I wish I didn't know what it's like, it's the most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life. I try to convince myself, daily, that he is okay & that he'll continue to be okay, but I have days, like today, when I miss him & it's very, very hard. Hopefully, he'll call me soon.

Good Morning, World!

I slept pretty good last night, and probably would have even managed to sleep in if Rhi hadn't texted at 7:30 to make sure the front door was unlocked. I tried to go back to sleep after that, but it just wasn't going to happen, especially since I woke Tiny up & she wanted out, then back in, then out again. Crazy dog. I feel like I probably got enough sleep, but I got spoiled by being able to sleep as late as I like on most days.

I'm working on making t-shirts for me & my friends, and hope to get at least two done today, so that I only have two more to finish tomorrow. I have one ready to go, as far as the stencil being cut out & ready to iron on & it won't take me more than an hour to cut out another. I may just work on getting the other stencils done today, so I can do the shirts one after another. I like the painting part, I'm just not crazy about the stencil cutting, it's tiring & can be very frustrating.

I was thinking about my skin last night, as I was lying in bed, trying to get to sleep & I wonder if the anti aging product I've been using to wash my face is playing a role in the acne, since it's the only thing I've really changed about that routine. I make sure I wash my face twice a day, once in the shower & then before bed, so I'm not leaving make up on overnight or anything. Maybe I'll try switching back to my old stuff & see if that helps at all.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Dry Skin

I've noticed that my skin has really been dry over the past few months, which is really unusual for me, especially in the summer. I've been making sure I use lotion after I get out of the shower & my face moisturizers twice a day (daytime & night time), but so far, all that's happening is me needing to use more lotion & getting acne. I can't seem to win.

My hair is all dried out from over-bleaching it, too, so I look like a hot mess these days, I'm sure. Oh well, can't be a beauty queen all the time, right? Not that I ever am, but you get what I'm trying to say. I take care of myself, I wear makeup, I shower, I dress nicely, so I'm doing what I can to look my best, I can't do anything else.

I'm pretty, freaking tired of this cold I have, though. I'd love to just feel normal again & not either be congested or running like a faucet. I'd love it if my head & throat weren't killing me & I could stop running a low-grade fever. It doesn't look good for me for the winter, if I'm already getting sick.

Lazy & Sick

I've been slacking ever since I caught this cold, which wouldn't be so bad if I didn't automatically turn to comfort food the minute I start feeling poorly. So, I'm sick, feeling like crap & eating crap, which makes me feel worse & probably slows down my recovery time, too. Way to go, Dyane. I'll have to start my running where I left off last week instead of moving forward, since it's been a week or so since I even bothered with it. I hate when I do that to myself, so maybe I'll make it to the gym tomorrow.

I need to go to St. George & look at getting some shoes to run in. I've thought about some Nike Shox, because I know that brand fits me & is comfortable, which is hard to find when you have orthopedic issues like I do. I think I'll probably try on several styles and brands before I make a final decision, since shoes aren't cheap & I want a pair that feels great & will work for what I need it to.

Anyway, I need to take the trash out (after I bring the can in from the street), take some cold medicine & probably do some other stuff, too. I can't sit around on my computer much these days, I get too bored.

Sunday, September 05, 2010

Summer is Winding Down

It's almost Mabon, which means that summer will be gone, autumn begun & we can start looking for snow. Yay. Not. I have to honestly say that I'm not a fan of the winter months, especially since we seem to have an extremely long season here. Oh well, I'll spend my time thinking about spring & summer & planning out camping trips & that'll hopefully keep me from losing my mind.

I worry about Erin out there when it gets cold, like I did last year. His poor dog doesn't care for the cold, at all, and she doesn't have much choice in the matter. He's never been crazy about it, either, which is one thing that kind of surprises me about his lifestyle. He was the one who never wanted to be outside, because the weather was always either too hot or too cold, now he's rarely inside, unless they get lucky & score a companion that can swing a fort lauderdale car rental for awhile or has a house they can stay in. You'd be surprised at the places he stays & the number of people he knows that either have cars or can rent them. He actually starts getting too antsy when he's staying in a house for too long these days, though.

Anyway, I have a lot to do still today before our friends get here & it's not getting done while I update my blogs, so I'd better go.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Tired, but Busy

I'm really pretty much emotionally wrung out this week. Things have been somewhat chaotic around here & while it's better than it was, I'm still recovering from it all, so I feel exhausted all the time. I have managed to keep busy through it all, by getting some sewing done, setting my altar up & making sure the house is clean & dinners are cooked. I made it to the gym today with Dawn & ran 1 3/4 miles & walk 3/4. Tomorrow, I'll do it again & work on some weight training, too. This evening, we plan to take a walk & take advantage of the still-warm weather while we can. That should put me in pretty good shape for my weigh-in tomorrow morning, I'm really hoping to break this plateau & be out of the 220s for the first time, since I've been stuck here since January & I'm really frustrated over it.

We never did get started on any of our planned rv repairs yet, but hopefully we can at least sit down & figure out what needs to be done & get a list made. I know that a lot of people in my life probably think I have no interest in getting it done now, but I really do & would love to have it & be able to use it.

I'm frustrated with a lot of things at the moment, the biggest being my parents. We have things going on that they ought to be talking to me about, but they act as if everything that comes out of my mouth is a lie, so they will only talk to Troy. I get that they don't agree with a decision he & I made recently, I'm sure they don't even understand that we made it together, they think it was all me & I'm a terrible person who is hurting Troy & being selfish & mean. Whatever, that's fine.. but I'm their daughter, I need them, I need to know they still love me, but right now, I really don't. That hurts me a lot. I guess I need to at least talk to my mom about it & I will, but I'm not strong enough to right now.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Wow. Really?

It's already September? How did that happen? Where did the long, carefree days of summer drift off to? I know we had a pretty terrific time, we went camping a lot, hung out with friends and a lot of things in our lives changed. Some were pretty drastic, some had been a long time in coming & one took us by complete surprise. Things are going to be strange in our home for awhile, but we'll adjust & adapt, we're very good at that.

I'm dreading winter & the cold. My bedroom is pretty much frigid in the winter, and I'm never warm. I realize a lot of that is the weight I've lost & I'm okay with that, but I work in my room & have arthritis in my hands, so it's very painful to type. I may have to move my laptop out to the living room when I'm doing anything, just for the winter.

Here in the high desert, the weather has already started to cool down, the grass is trying to go dormant & the leaves will change soon. People are putting their above ground pools away & winterizing their in-ground pools, packing up patio furniture & getting their yards ready for the cold months. We have a very short summer here & fall & spring vary so much between warm & cold that they mostly feel like winter, too. I love living here, it's a beautiful, spiritual place, but I could use a longer summer.

We have one, final camping trip scheduled, but not on the mountain. We'll go to a different lake, where it stays warm longer & celebrate Troy & Morgan's birthdays & have a fun weekend together, saying goodbye to summer.