Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Just Thinking

As a direct result of the earlier phone call, I can't stop thinking about old friends & wondering what they're up to. The friend talked about earlier, was someone I originally met on IRC and then a few months later, in real life. I actually met her in person the same day I met Dave, and this was close to 14 years ago.

We had some friends that lived here move away to Nebraska back in 1998 or 1999, we've only really seen them a couple of times since then. There are times when I really miss them a lot, we were pretty close to them for a few years. He was one of the few men I knew back then that was so insecure about going bald that he wore a hat all the time & was secretly using one of those hair loss treatment products. I often wonder if he ever came to terms with it, or if he eventually got plugs or something.

Another friend left long before that, in 1996, when his marriage ended. We ended our friendship on bad terms & haven't heard from him since then. He & I were very close, and there are days still, when I miss him to the core. I will always wonder where he went & what he did with his life.

There are many that I'm thankful are finally no longer in my life & while I wish them the best of luck, I hope they never come back here. They are the type of people who leave a wreckage of chaos & pain in their wake & if you get out only slightly wounded, you're lucky. I feel so sorry for their children, because they are always in the path of the storm.

Mixed Feelings

An old friend called me today. I hadn't heard from her in 13 years or so, we had a falling out along time ago & we just never made up. I'm having mixed feelings about it, on one hand, I'm glad she's okay & on the other, I'm still perplexed as to why she even called.

It's still the same as it always was, talking over the top of me about her life while barely waiting for me to take a breath while talking about mine before starting again. It always feels as if she isn't really listening so much as she's waiting for silence. At one time, she was my only female friend, in the whole world & I depended on her for a lot of things, which was odd, since I was near her own daughters' ages. When it all fell apart & trust me, it was a long & drawn out process, because it involved one of my best friends (who still is, to this day) and it was very painful, knowing I was cutting her out of my life completely, but for me, it was final & while I have wondered about her life since then, I'm not sure I had a burning need to know.

How do you tell someone that, when they go out of your way to call you, risking your anger? It's like telling an excited & hopeful teenage girl, the night of her prom that she looks beautiful, but still needs to use a blackhead extractor, you know? It's like, "I'll accept your call, but I don't care about your life." which is how I felt, only it would be "I'll call you but..." I don't know, I guess we'll wait & see how it pans out.

Just Another Day in Paradise

I haven't heard from Erin in awhile, so I have to comfort myself with the idea that he's probably okay, very likely just drinking too much again. That's not unusual for him when he's on the road, it's hard for him to say no when everyone else is and he gets bored, so he drinks. Really, it's odd, because he leaves here because he's bored in the first place, but whatever.

Rhi has had her heart broken & mangled again. I feel so much pain for her right now, but she kind of pushes us away & will until she figures out what she really wants to do about the situation. Right now, she's still kind of seeing him & I think they're trying to talk it out, all I know is he brings her home at night.

Garrett is doing well. He auditioned for "The Biggest Loser" around two weeks ago, had a callback for an on-camera interview and they all seemed to like him very much & said they had never met anyone like him before. To me, that's a good sign & they said that if they had chosen him, they'd let him know by April 15, so we're all just waiting & hoping for the best. This would be such a great opportunity for him to get his life together & his health back. I'm so hopeful that he'll get this.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Great Friends & Good Times

We went out to Charley & Vicki's house last night after we ate dinner. We had been invited for dinner, but I forgot. That's okay, we had some cobbler with them & it was fantastic. We played a bit of Rock Band, which always makes us all laugh. We visited & basically just enjoyed spending time together.

Our friend Sarah is in town for awhile, working at the groom shop for Vicki's mom, and since she & her husband, Mark, live in Idaho now, we rarely get to do anything like that with her. Ryan & his girlfriend just broke up, so it had been awhile since we got to spend a lot of time with him, too, although lately we've seen him a lot more. So, even though Troy had worked a 12 hour day and had to get up & go again today, it was well worth it to spend time with all of our terrific friends.

They're awesome, because, while we may talk about some weird stuff sometimes, we all talk about things that matter to us, and not stuff like politics, religion or testosterone boosters that work, you know? We discuss faire, and what we want to do this summer (lots of camping!) and plans for the weekend. We tease each other good-heartedly & generally just have a great time together. They are the thing I am most thankful for since moving to Utah. It took us an incredibly long time to find friends like these & they were worth the wait, for sure.


I got quite a lot done on the yard yesterday. I got 3 of the rose bushes pruned, although one of them isn't great, since it's so old & overgrown I'll need loppers for it. Half of the front lawn has been raked out fairly well, although I still need a better rake to finish it & I got about half of the flower bed around the evergreen bush in front of the house. Rhi went out later & gathered up all of the debris & threw it away for me.

I'm glad I got that much done, especially since it snowed again last night, although not a huge amount & it ought to melt off again today, since it's supposed to be in the 50s. i just want it to be gone by tomorrow, since we have a lot planned for the yard then & have to have time to get the back yard cleaned up so the kids can play back there.

The sky is clear & blue today & the sun is finally coming over the mountains & shining brightly, so I have hope for it, anyway. I really need to get off of this computer & get my housework finished, so i have the rest of my day free for other things, though.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

So Tired

I think I need a nap. I got up at 6:30 when Troy was done showering and getting ready for work, which I do every morning when he's on day shift. I find that I have a hard time sleeping past 6:30 or 7 these days, unless I'm up really late the night before. I'm so busy during the day, cleaning, cooking & putting things away (not to mention the days when I'm out with my mom or Dawn) that I've finally given up my search for the best over the counter sleep aid, after many years. I don't need help anymore.

I think I've had a total of 2 restless nights since we moved in here, and those were probably caused by one of the pets, honestly. I just love this house so much & I really enjoy taking care of it & making it look nice every day. Even cooking here is a joy, and I'm so thrilled to have that back. I had really missed having a home that I actually cared about, and it's been a really long time.

I'm so ready to get out there & start raking up my flower beds & garden to get it ready for the growing season, I really just can't wait.


Dawn & I went & wandered around the yard yesterday, looking at all of the new growth & trying to decide what I ought to do with my yard. We know we want a fire pit out there & have plenty of bricks to line it with, I'm just not sure exactly where we're going to build that. There a sandbox in the yard, too, that looks like it had a nice cover for the top at one time. It's missing a pole for that, but we think we may have found it under a pile of snow.

I want to build a brick floor in the gazebo and take the cover off of that & fix it if we can, or make a new one, if fixing it isn't possible. Then there's the dog run, which Dawn & I figured out a much easier plan to do with that than Troy & I originally did & I ran that by him last night when he got home. That'll take us a lot less money & maybe a day to get finished & ready for Tiny.

We have a lot of cleaning, raking & prepping to do out there before the rowing season starts, but I think we're really looking forward to it, too. Today, if it doesn't rain, I'm going out to prune the rose bushes, since they're horribly overgrown at this point & somewhat dangerous.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Spring is on the Way

Tomorrow is the first heralding of Spring, at least in my eyes, at any rate. St. Patrick's Day has always served to remind me that Spring is right around the corner. Today & yesterday have just been gorgeous out, as a matter of fact, it's actually too hot to sit here at the table right now.

We found out the other day that Dawn's oldest is pregnant again, so of course we've started looking at baby clothes again. We're both hoping for a little grandson this time around. They have so many cute things out right now, in wonderful colors, too. You can tell it's almost spring by looking at them, too. Little suits & kids ties, all ready to dress them up for the Easter Bunny (or church, if that's your thing). The cute, pastel & frilly dresses are to die for, too.

We're doing Ostara at my house on Saturday & at Morgan's Friday night, which is just fine, two observances are better than none, right? There are people trying to get us to go back to the tribe & participate with them, but, I don't see that happening really. We're happy with what we're doing & happy with our little circle.

Anyway, time to stir the beer..

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Another Sunday, Another Week

The past one was kind of strange, I think. Erin called me over a week ago, from Portland, Oregon. He was drunk & playing music on the street. He told me he was with a new girl & was having a good time. He called me again Friday to say he was at some other place in Oregon, with some people who had some sort of a truck. The new girl had stayed behind in Portland to help her best friend kick heroin & they were heading to Georgia in April to work at some renaissance faire. He apologized for having been drunk the time before, but I was just thankful he remembered he called that time.

Rhi spent the first part of the week in Las Vegas with her friends & hasn't really been around much for the past few days. She hasn't seemed herself & keeps talking about wanting to live in Vegas, although not to us. So, she either already has plans to move & is afraid to tell us or something else is up & she doesn't want us to know. I thought they'd be a little less nerve-wracking as adults. I was wrong.

Garrett has been in New Mexico this weekend, trying out for a TV reality show. He made it through the initial audition & is in the middle of his on camera interview, right now, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for him. I'm not going to say which show it is, but trust me when I say that it'll change his life if he gets on it. Hopefully we'll know before too long.

That was our week.

Saturday, March 06, 2010


I feel like complete & total garbage today. My head is pounding, my throat itches, I'm completely stuffed up & I just want to go back to bed. I'm not big into taking extra supplements, but if I thought something like glucomannan would help today, I'd take it. God knows that nothing I've taken so far is helping at all. You know you're in bad shape when severe cold medicine isn't even touching your symptoms.

I don't feel like doing anything today & that really makes me sad, because it's a gorgeous day, it's Saturday & Troy is actually at home. I had high hops today, too. I wanted to start getting that workshop area straightened & see if we could find our DVDs & books, so they could get put away. I'd also love to find my little container of nails, so I can hang pictures up in the living room, instead of waiting 6 years, like I did in the other house.

I think instead, I'm going to get my housework done & grab my book & just try to rest, relax & recuperate.

Great Coop Day!

We got to our coop on time this morning, but the truck still hadn't arrived, so we were told there would be a wait. Our pickup time of 10am got moved back to 11, which was fine with me, we weren't going anywhere else anyway. Troy decided to volunteer, even though he worked last night & was pretty tired, just so that things would go that much faster when the truck did get there.

I enjoyed my time in line, visiting with people & listening to what was on everyone else's minds, like what produce we'd get this time, how we were all trying to improve our health by eating better food, what weight loss pills so & so was on, who belonged with who & how the program works. We always have new people who are a little intimidated & confused by the process, and it helps to talk them through it & help them understand exactly how it'll work once we get going.

We got a lot of lettuce today & some nice spinach, asparagus, zucchini, cucumbers & cabbage, along with great fruit. We even got two packages of organic blueberries, which we were thrilled with! We got a bunch of bananas, so I'll definitely be dehydrating some more of those, they make good snacks for faire & are about the only way Troy will eat bananas. I also plan to dehydrate some more zucchini, I like to season them first & they make a great, crispy snack after they're dry.

I did have to go sit down before we got our basket, the sun was making me dizzy & nauseated, so I thought it best to go sit in the car for awhile. There was no problem with that because our stuff had already been set aside, since Troy was volunteering & when you do that, they give you extras. By the time he was getting our stuff together I was back out there, helping to finish it all up. All in all, a great morning at the coop!


We really enjoyed watching the Olympics this time around. I know a lot of it was our HDTV. It has a larger screen, no glare & beautiful, clear picture and makes watching whatever we choose a joy. I got so used to our old TV & not really seeing what we were watching, that over a year after buying the new one, I'm still enthralled with it. We did a lot of comparison shopping when we bought ours, we wanted to make sure we got the best one we could afford & that we didn't didn't get screwed over because we didn't understand the terminology. I don't think we've ever researched a product as much as we did our TV, we looked at all of the brands, including the Samsung HDTV, all of the sizes & resolutions. We researched which size would be best for the space we were in (and it still works for this house, too). We checked out the different resolutions & how each would work for everything we use a TV for. It was fun & we left the experience knowing we got exactly what we wanted.

It rally has made a huge difference in how we watch TV, too and the pleasure we get from it. Sports are amazing, movies terrific & video games are just awesome (one of the main reasons we got a new one). Allin all, one of our best purchases of 2009.


I remember when people who sold drugs were selling truly illicit substances, stuff that could really mess you up, you know? Maybe it's just that we live in Utah, or maybe it's a reflection on the times we live in where everything that feels illegal is more likely to sell, but whatever it is, it's strange. Someone actually offered to sell one of my friends some caffeine tablets. On the street, like a shady dealer, making no bones about what it was. Isn't that crazy?

I mean, I'm used to websites offering everything from Viagra to phentermine no prescription required, but they aren't selling caffeine like it was a big deal. I can go to any convenience store & buy a box of Vivarin for Pete's sake, and it'd probably cost less than this "dealer" was asking. It's gotta be Utah, were else would anyone try to sell caffeine that way, honestly?

What a Relief

After we moved - well really much of January too - I had a terrible time getting my eating back on track. I felt like I had no self-control and would just randomly eat because I passed by something that looked good. I was buying chips and treat that aren't good for me & indulging pretty often. I never stopped tracking my points or anything, and I was trying to get myself back under control the entire time, it just wasn't happening. I know most of it was just a reaction to the stress of moving & filing bankruptcy and all of that, and the rest was just me rebelling after nearly a year of eating right & working out almost every day.

Back when I was still on the hunt for quick weight loss, and wanted a miracle I'd have already given up. There would have been no going back after all of that. I'd be packing the pounds back on right now & struggling to fit into the clothes I own now. I'm so thankful that I didn't let it derail all of my effort towards good health & fitness & that I'm back in charge now. I ate the way I'm supposed to all last week, we went to the gym & worked out at home, too & I managed to lose everything that I gained in my month of misadventure and all seems good now. What a ride that was, though.

Friday, March 05, 2010

Not While I'm Eating!

Although it may work for weight loss, I don't enjoy reading about, thinking about or seeing disgusting things while I'm eating. The kids used to try to gross me out by using bathroom humor at dinnertime, but I was pretty much immune back then & still had a thick skin from high school & the people I ate lunch with. These days, now that I have no little kids & my friends aren't competing to see who can be the sickest while we eat, I'd rather not read a colonix review during lunch. In itself, it probably isn't gross, but it would make me think of things I'd rather not right then, you know?

I have a pretty strong stomach, and I don't let much bother me, just not while I'm eating. I never really noticed changing that much as the years have passed, but I know I have, this is evidence of that & I know there are other things as well. I'm not shy like I used to be, or afraid of confrontation, and I know there are things I'm not even thinking about because they're just so much a part of who I am now.

How have you changed?

Excited for Spring

I know it won't happen around here until the end of May, but I'm so ready for consistent warm weather. I just want to be out, walking on the trail every day again, working in my yard & getting it ready for flowers & my garden. I want to cook out again & enjoy not having to hole up in the house all the time. I bought a cute lantern for our backyard & a sunshine garden stake today, they're both so cute! I plan to go & buy a couple more of the lanterns next week when they go on sale even further (our local craft store is going out of business). I want our outdoor dining area to be a great place to hang out with friends & family & plan to spend some money to make sure it is.

I think the most cluttered area of the house right now is our little office space, mostly because we have desks, a table, china hutch & a storage unit in there. Thankfully it isn't full of modern office furniture, because that would look so out of place in this house. This place is a cottage, and the interior reflects that, so we're trying to match that look with out own furnishings & decor. I do plan to paint some very modern pieces for the living room, though & that will punch the color up a lot, so I'm thinking a modern cottage look.

Anyway, we have a lot going on. We had a faire meeting today & are gradually getting our entertainers together & vendors are sending their applications back to us with their space fees, so, it's all looking good & getting closer all the time.