Thursday, January 29, 2009

Frustration & Pain

I really thought that once my kids grew up & moved out, they'd stop lying to me, that once they started to mature & realize that they couldn't really "get in trouble" with us anymore, that there wouldn't be any point in lying. It worked with Erin, at least after we kicked him out & he stayed away for awhile. Sometimes he tells me things I don't really want to hear, but he's pretty much always honest with us. Once they graduate and turn 18, I have always felt that what they do outside of my home really isn't my business unless they want to make it mine, but if it happens here, it is & if I ask, I'd better be getting the truth.

Back in late November or early December, not long after Troy got out of the hospital, we had gone somewhere & when we got home, we found Troy's prescription of Lortab lying on the floor. The bottle looked like someone had attempted to make it look like the dog got a hold of it & got it open. The bottle was empty, although we ended up finding less than half of the pills that were originally in it. Troy & I both knew that a person was responsible, because in all of her 5 years, Tiny had never done anything like that & we'd never put pill containers out of her reach. We couldn't get anyone to claim responsibility fot it & so we let it go.

The next day or so we came home & the entire bottle was gone. We asked Erin about it (although, honestly, we knew he hadn't taken it, for a variety of reasons that I'll tak about later), and he automatically starting helping Troy try to find it. That didn't happen, so Troy woke Rhi up, who immediately started screaming at him, denying any knowledge & crying. Then she said that Erin did it both times, that he made the bottle look like Tiny had gotten it & then took the 28 pills in it & sold them, and, not only had he done this terribe thing, but he told her about it. I made her come out here & accuse him of this to his face, which she did, with a rather desperate "help me" look on her face. He pretty much looked at her like she was insane & just sadly shook his head.

I have always felt that it was her, but that she did it for one of her friends or for her boyfriend, so that the pills could be sold & there would be money. She was jumping all over her ex-room mate's reputation yesterday & said that he had been in the habit of selling prescription drugs to people & that got me to thinking. I texted her yesterday after she got moved into a new place (she's now sponging off her friend's family) & asked her if that person had stolen the Lortab & sold it. She went off on me again, again accusing Erin of it & not only that, now suddenly he's stealing it from my dad, too. I gave up at that point & just told her to have a nice evening.

Yes, Erin is a pot smoker & a drinker, but that doesn't make him a thief & a liar. First off, he would never steal from his dad or myself. Never. He wouldn't steal from his sister or any of our friends either, but he sure makes a convenient scapegoat for her when something comes up missing. He also knew how much pain Troy was in after his surgery & wouldn't have been able to handle being the one responsible for Troy not being able to find any relief from the pain. He has taken Lortab in the past, twice. The first time he didn't get much out of it & the second time, he got sick, just like I do, when I take it. He didn't have a sudden influx of money when the pills disappeared, he didn't have any money, as a matter of fact.

As far as my dad & his Lortab goes, Rhi got that idea at Christmas, when my mom couldn't find the bott because she forgot where she put it. She did find it, Rhi just wasn't aware of it, so she figured she could use that to make her story more believable. They aren't missing any pills & Erin has been out there exactly twice in the past few months (Thanksgiving & Christmas) and would be even less likely to steal from them.

Rhi, on the other hand, has been stealing things from us for years & denying it. Her first reaction to any question is to lie. You may get the truth eventually, but only after she has decided that she isn't in danger of "getting in trouble" or "getting a lecture." She knows that we won't just let this go & that if we can prove it was her she'll be in a lot of trouble. What she doesn't know is that I'm through playing around & plan to change the locks this weekend & secure all of the windows so she can't break in. I don't trust her, her friends or her boyfriend in my home when I'm not here or awake anymore. I'm done being lied to & being disrespected. It hurts my heart to feel like I have no other choice but to do this, but I do feel that way.

Sometimes, even now, being a parent realy sucks.

Friday, January 23, 2009


I don't care who you voted for or why you voted for them. For the most part, I don't really care how you feel about our new President, either. I'm not being rude, honestly, it's just that most people feel one of two ways about it - they love him or they hate him. Those who love him are ecstatic about the possibility of a change coming to the USA & those who hate him are angry & afraid of what that change will entail.

I get being angry, I spent the past 8 years angry & afraid if what was happening to the country that I love. I didn't turn into a 12 year old & start spreading lies about former President Bush, however. I didn't proclaim to everybody within earshot that I hate Republicans" or anything else. I don't, just for the record, there are people that I love who are Republican & people who are Democrats that I can't stand. I judge people by who they are, not who they vote for. The point I'm trying to make is that, until I had to start choosing between paying bills & buying groceries, I shut my mouth & kept my anger & fears to myself, or only mentioned it to Troy or my close friends.

I have heard so many outrageous lies & allegations about President Obama since he announced his candidacy that it truly makes me ashamed to not only live in this state, but part of the time, this country as well. I'm so tired of the double standard that says that anyone who doesn't walk the GOP line should just shut up & deal with it, because we're too stupid to choose a good President, while they are allowed & encouraged to say whatever the hell they please, no matter how ridiculous & untrue it may be.

I should have known it was going to be a bad night on Pogo last night when I read some woman's profile & it was ragging on President Obama misspeaking at a campaign rally in Oregon, saying he had now been to "57 states & had a couple more to go" & her comment about it was "What? The 57 states of Islam?" First, it doesn't matter. He can be whatever religion he wants to be, our country was founded on that principal, you have the same freedom to believe whatever you want, too. He even has the freedom to be Athiest, if that's what he wants to be & it has no bearing on his Presidency. Second, he has attended the same church for 20 years, he is a member of Chicago's Trinity United Church. Yes, his father & stepfather were Muslim & he lived for part of his childhood in a mostly Muslim country, but he attended secular & parochial schools while he was there. If you're going to hate, at least get your facts straight & learn to think for yourself instead of letting reactionary idiots like Limbaugh & Hannity think for you.

Shortly after I read the profile she & some guy started Democrat bashing & talking about how stupid they are & how immature because some people hissed & booed Mr. Bush (for the record, I'm not a Republican or a Democrat) & they were going to boo & his the President every chance they got. Okay, but they were going to do that anyway. I muted both of them & made the statement that they had expected everyone who opposed Mr. Bush to shut up for 8 years & now they expect us to shut up while they bitch about President Obama for at least the next 4 years. I didn't say anything else, I sat there & played my game until another person came in making racks on how the President was "still on food stamps" & changed his named to"o-bum-a." I assumed she meant the fact that his picture will be on food stamps (making him literally on them) until she changed his name. I have a lot of friends on food stamps. I was on food stamps for a long time. None of us are bums. Falling on hard times doesn't make a person less than someone else & in my opinion, that type of behavior shouldn't be tolerated. So, I didn't. I spoke my mind & I left.

It really did bother me. I'm not a rude person & I don't act like a middle school girl. Namecalling never solves anything & it certainly won't give them the president they wanted. Yes, this country also guarantees us the freedom of speech, but that doesn't give a person the right to be rude or irresponsible with their words. Try treating people how you want them to treat you, you know? They all go on & on about what great Christians they are, but they sure don't act like I always imagined Jesus would act.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

A Time for Change

I don't talk about politics a lot, it tends to aggravate me & around here, if you aren't Republican & people find out, they generally gang up on you & berate you until you give in & agree with them. Mostly, I refuse to engage in those discussions at all, even with most of my friends.

Let's just say that the last 8 years have been tough all over, especially the past 4, with the rising cost of gas & everything else, businesses failing & closing down, people having to choose between paying on credit cards or buying groceries. Over the past few months I've watched people lose jobs they've had for years, either because there wasn't enough work to keep them on or because it was cheaper to pay someone who had been there less time or the company closed. It really puts a new perspective on everyday life, suddenly, finding the best possible diet pill isn't quite as important anymore. Really, all that matters when this starts happening all around you is hanging on & doing the best you can.

Troy's job is safe, for now. We're faced with the possibility of his plant closing down all the time, so we're used to the fear, we've said the same thing from the day he started there, "We'll ride this train until it stops, then we'll go from there." We managed to get the kids raised, we have most of the toys we want, so if the worst happens & his plant closes, we'll be okay. We'll adjust & he'll find something else, even if we have to move.

I am excited about the new administration, I voted for President Obama, after all, I feel that there is change in the air, a chance for new beginnings & fresh dreams. Yesterday was the first time that I actually enjoyed listening to an inauguration speech, and the first time in a very long time that I'm really looking forward to what the next four years has to bring to this country.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Dilemmas in Parenting

Today is my 43rd birthday (go me, I survived another year!) I went to my birthday party last night, we had a lot of fun. We ate good food, had a couple of drinks, in my case a bottle of Sam Adam's Black Lager & a Pama & Sierra Mist & played with henna for hours. I left at around 1am, because I was tired & didn't want to fall asleep behind the wheel. I came in, grabbed some ice, pored my Diet Dr. Pepper in it & took it to bed with me.

I finished it while I was reading & was running a fever so I had the chills & tried to get to sleep. I finally managed it only to be woken up to Erin throwing up in the bathroom. The toilet is against the same wall as our bed, so in the middle of the night, it's a pretty rude awakening. While I was lying there waiting for it to end & then trying to get back to sleep, I decided that I was going to tell him that he had to find another place to sleep on the nights he drinks too much, because I have such a hard time trying to get back to sleep if I get woken up.

Today, after I managed to get some more sleep & am not angry or tired anymore I'm not really sure what I should say or do. He isn't legal to drink until August, but he is an adult, so I don't feel like I have a leg to stand on by telling him not to drink, so instead, he's told that he can't do anything illegal in our home & try our best to deal with the aftermath of what he does outside our home.

He has cut back a lot & it doesn't happen that often, it's possible I was over-reacting last night. I'll see if I get just as angry the next time it happens, if I do, then it'll be time to do something about it.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

New Look

Alrighty, I got a new layout & I plan to change this more often than I have been lately. I even hope to start posting more in here. I know I've been slacking off, mostly it's because I didn't really know what direction I wanted this blog to take, but I think I've decided that it's mostly going to be about parenting grown children & my blended-religion marriage.

I have other blogs that talk about other aspects of my life, but nothing that really deals with the family life & marriage & all of that, so that's what we're going to do.

Sunday, January 11, 2009


I still can't believe that it's already 2009. This year is the 25th year since high school, that's just amazing to me, especially since, at times, it feels like it was only a couple of years ago. I know that I have kids that are in their 20s, so I haven't lost my mind, it's just that I don't feel old enough, most of the time, to have finished high school 25 years ago. There are days when looking in the mirror is a scary surprise, too, because sometimes I wonder who this old woman is that's looking out of my eyes, but that's probably a different story for a different day.

The weight loss has been going well, the doctor put Troy on a 1200 calorie, low-fat diet when he got out of the hospital & since it's just easier if we all eat the same way, I started it too. I've lost around 20 pounds or so since then.It's pretty much like when I was taking Alli last year, but I don't have to remember to take any pills. Troy is looking absolutely skinny & is off all of his diabetes medications, at least for now, so it's all good in that area, at any rate.