Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Life Comes at You Fast

That commercial isn't kidding. Yesterday, Troy went to his doctor appointment for a two week follow up on a medication he had just started and came home with a prescription for insulin. I really wasn't expecting it & it hit me pretty hard. It feels like everything in our life changed at that moment, you know? Questions were rolling around in my head, with me wondering if he'll be able to get a passport still, and if he can, if he can handle a transatlantic flight and dumb stuff like that. Those were all masking my actual fear that the insulin isn't going to work & he won't make it through this. I started crying by the time we got to the store& we had to sit in the car & talk about everything before could even think about going inside & facing reality. I'm not great with it all, but I know it's the way life is & I'm accepting it.

While we were at the store, Rhi I texted Rhi to tell her what was going on. She was out on a date, but we always kind of keep in touch, no matter what's going on. We chatted back & forth for awhile & then she asked me if she could move back in. Of course I'm not going to tell her she can't, so we no longer have an empty, or even nearly empty nest, since Erin has been staying here since August & Rhi is back, now, too. It's different this time around, we aren't raising them & Rhi is doing a lot of changing, so I'm hoping life will coninue to just be mellow for us.

Sunday, September 21, 2008


So, waited to go to the doctor & the eye doctor this year, to give everyone else a chance to go & get stuff done first. So, of course, they've all met their deductibles & our medical savings account is empty & I never got to go. In January, I'm going to get my annual exams & then I'm going to the eye doctor to get new glasses & replace my contact lenses. Screw it, waiting sure didn't pay off for me this time around, I don't see the point in it now. I'm somewhat frustrated with our health insurance plan right now to begin with, so every little thing they tell us that isn't covered anymore sends me over the edge. That, and they've got some really rude people working for them, it seems like every time Troy has to call, someone treats him badly anymore & that really makes me mad. I wish we'd get something better for once.

Mellow Weekend

Our weekend, so far, has been extremely mellow. Yesterday I got up extremely early for a Saturday & went to help with a fundraiser for the Southwest Wildlife Foundation. It was a lot of fun. There was a walk for dogs & people, with a bunch of interesting information along the way, a dog fashion show & a pet trick contest. We had raffles every half an hour with some really nice little prizes, a rubber ducky race & drawings for grand prizes at the end. Then we helped pack everything back up & each of us got a prize from what was left in the pile. My kitties are loving their new scratching post, because it has a toy on top & the old one doesn't.

I took Dawn & Justin home & then came home myself. I sat here for about 10 minutes & started to fall asleep, so I went & took a nap & while I was waking up, Ryan showed up to get his heat gun. We visited with him for a couple of hours. While we were outside, Rhi came over to visit & use our computer (she may be looking for a car insurance quote for a car she's thinking about getting) & then we decided to head out to our troth for Mabon. We picked up Dawn & headed out. It was a nice, mellow little gathering, we did a lot of talking & deciding about the future of the troth itself. We got home at about midnight & went to bed. I got up today after 11 & Troy just barely did & it's noon. We may be gaming tonight, we'll see.

Thursday, September 18, 2008


I'm dealing with the Rhi situation in the only way I really can, at this point. I'm trying to stay away from her when it feels like she's unstable. That way, she's less likely to attack me. We took her to the doctor today to get everything started to see if she's bipolar or not. She's on medication to see how she does on it & we're working on getting her in to see a psychiatrist for the actual evaluation. At least she's willing to go through all of this & wanting to make a change in her life. She says she doesn't like the way things are right now, so that's a step in the right direction. We finally feel like we have a starting point with her anyway and it's been a long time coming.

Have you ever seen a sign or something & thought it said something entirely different than it has? I've been thinking for a long time that a sign around here on a truck has said "Blackhead Removal" and it never once struck me as unusual, or had me wondering why in the world you'd need a truck for that, but I saw the truck again a little while ago & it actually said "Blackburn Removal," I guess it's a construction site cleaning service or something. I can't believe I have been misreading that all this time.

The rain is pouring down right now, it's raining so hard I can barely hear over it. Autumn is definitely on it's way in!

Monday, September 15, 2008

So Tired...

... of it all. I can't seem to win with Rhi anymore. I talk to her & she accuses me of prying. I start only speaking when spoken to & I get accused of not loving her. I'm so tired of having to defend my right to love all three of my kids for who they are & not just her. It's like she expects me to sit around & constantly sing praises about her, to prove that I do love her. It's just grow tiresome, in all actuality.

She honestly thinks that Erin & I sit around & discuss his drug use & that I'm advocating it and telling him how proud I am of him every waking moment. Now, it's moved on to my friends' kids & I'm telling all of them that I'm proud of them, too & not telling her. It's true. I'm not telling her. She isn't exactly doing anything to be proud of right now, to tell the truth. She's not working. She's not trying to find a job, she's not acting like the adult she wants to be treated as, she's not communicating with people with respect, so what's there to be proud of? We get into an argument & she immediately starts attacking me & accusing me of being a terrible, unfair mother & then she says the standard, "I wish no one had found me that night." meaning, she wishes she was dead.

If stress was a fat burner, I'd be skinny by now, I swear. I'm so tired of feeling like crap & being hurt by her. I'm tired of crying.

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Getting Old?

I realized the other day, as I was switching between my computer & the TV that I really need to get my prescription updated on my eyeglasses, because the TV is starting to get awfully blurry when I do that. I really ought to make an appointment pretty soon & go do that, but honestly, I'm not happy with my eye doctor & am trying to find another one, or maybe I'll go back to my old one.

Anyway, I'm having a pretty good day sitting around, visiting with Erin, but doing that isn't really getting my house any cleaner & I kind of promised myself that I'd get at least one of these tables finished today. I'm having issues dealing with one of my kids right now & that seems to take up a lot of my thinking time, maybe if I start cleaning, I won't be wasting time thinking and being sad.