Saturday, April 30, 2011

Tired of It All

I'm so tired of struggling with my weight, fighting my food addiction & having to think about it every minute of every day of my life. It feels like a losing battle, and I'm beginning that horrible slide back up in weight & I can't handle that thought. I'm so tired of feeling helpless in the face of food, and knowing that it truly does control my life, I don't control it. I'd run out, cave in & buy some lipozene, but I know, for me, it'd just be more wasted money on something that isn't going to work for me.

I'm looking into support groups & 12-step programs, because at this point, I know I can't do it alone anymore. I'm tired of the fight, tired of hating myself and tired of struggling. It's time.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Crazy Days

Well, I've started speaking to my parents again, granted nothing has been said about the months when I wasn't & I'm sure there never will be. My family are experts at ignoring things, after all. They have a new lap top & internet access again, so we had to go over & help them figure their email out, I'm not sure why it wasn't working before, but Troy got it situated. They introduced us to their new dog, Cricket, we visited with each other for awhile & talked about Medicare part D plans, my brothers, my niece, our kids and their friends & church. It was a pretty good visit. My dad took Rhi fishing last week, and she got to spend time with both of them, too. So, all for the best, at least this way, I have no regrets when their time here is over, you know?

Friday, April 15, 2011

Getting Ready

We've all been busily preparing for our little trip. Dawn & Jason thought they weren't going to get to go on it, due to finances, but we got together & changed the plans a bit & came up with something that wouldn't cost them as much. Troy seems to be balking a bit now, so who knows if we'll actually make it on the trip or end up staying home, at this point, I'm almost not even caring anymore.

I don't know how much rv repair & upkeep Ryan got to do on his RV, so he may end up borrowing his mom's again, which I'm sure she won't mind, but I know he wanted to have his up & running for the trip. We don't seem to talk much these days, I think he's trying to grow a relationship with a girl he's been hanging out with, which is fine, as long as he doesn't forget about all of us again.

Anyway, we're getting ready to go in May, most of us seem to be looking forward to it, so we'll see what happens.

Friday, April 08, 2011

Tough Times

We had a bit of a rough time with Rhi when she got home, I don't know what it was, maybe the fact that she wasn't supposed to be drinking or anything, but she went kind of crazy & started drinking, excessively, every day. I mean, to the point of passing out & getting sick while she was unconscious. Very dangerous. I really don't know what finally got through to her, whether it was us being so upset with her, her nearly losing her best friend or realizing how close she was coming to dying, but she stopped drinking on Wednesday. We had a really long talk with her about the rules of the house and what we aren't going to be dealing with anymore. She agreed to our terms & started AA on Thursday. She's been two days in a row, plans to go every day.

I want to trust her. I want to believe this is the end, but I do understand the addiction cycle & I know she's in for a long road. I do have faith that she can overcome this & will if she believes in herself enough. Keep her in your thoughts, she can use all of the positive energy the Universe can muster at this point, and so can we.

Friday, April 01, 2011


I've been so lazy lately, I don't know what's up with that. I need to put my laundry away, because I really need to put the dirty stuff in the hamper (where my clean clothes are currently), so I can actually wash some pants for the weekend. Instead, I'm just piddling around, not really doing much of anything. I did manage to put the clean dishes away today & put the dirty ones in the dishwasher, and even made the bed, but honestly, it's like I've spent three days reading about all of the carpet cleaners raleigh nc has to offer, you know? Time passes, but I can't really say what I've done with it. It's not like there was all that much that I actually needed to be doing, but it still makes me feel guilty to know I haven't done that much this week, other than a few crafts & such.