Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Mixed Feelings

An old friend called me today. I hadn't heard from her in 13 years or so, we had a falling out along time ago & we just never made up. I'm having mixed feelings about it, on one hand, I'm glad she's okay & on the other, I'm still perplexed as to why she even called.

It's still the same as it always was, talking over the top of me about her life while barely waiting for me to take a breath while talking about mine before starting again. It always feels as if she isn't really listening so much as she's waiting for silence. At one time, she was my only female friend, in the whole world & I depended on her for a lot of things, which was odd, since I was near her own daughters' ages. When it all fell apart & trust me, it was a long & drawn out process, because it involved one of my best friends (who still is, to this day) and it was very painful, knowing I was cutting her out of my life completely, but for me, it was final & while I have wondered about her life since then, I'm not sure I had a burning need to know.

How do you tell someone that, when they go out of your way to call you, risking your anger? It's like telling an excited & hopeful teenage girl, the night of her prom that she looks beautiful, but still needs to use a blackhead extractor, you know? It's like, "I'll accept your call, but I don't care about your life." which is how I felt, only it would be "I'll call you but..." I don't know, I guess we'll wait & see how it pans out.

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