New Year, New Hope?

I'm really hoping that 2010 will bring a stronger, more secure economy. Rhi really needs a job so she can start to get back on her feet again. I'm just about ready for it to just be Troy & I at the house again, and in order for that to happen she has to get a job, keep it long enough to feel stable & start saving up to move out. I don't really see that happening any time soon, but it's a good goal to reach for as a family, I think. It's not like she's on an admin job search, she'd be happy with a dishwashing job or at a fast food place, honestly. She isn't picky, she just wants work & even though I'm not sure she's trying as hard as she could be, she has been trying. It's very frustrating, but we do understand.

So, here's hoping that by next Christmas we'll be alone in our house again & just be able to enjoy their visits. I know that probably sounds fairly selfish, but I really enjoyed the few months that we had & I'm really missing it. After all, I've spent 23 years living for my kids, I'm ready to be done & start living for me, you know?

Excited!

Lately, I've been on a quest to try to find a good moisturizer (that I'm not allergic to), a night cream and the best eye cream. That hasn't been s easy as it might sound, although I'm closing in on some that I really like. I've been using a botanical moisturizer for a couple of weeks & I have had a reaction to it yet, so I'll be getting the rest of the collection next, so I'm hoping this is the one.

Something is happening right now that's making all of that seem silly & unimportant, though. Erin is back on this side of the country & should be heading towards Las Vegas right now! I'm so excited to see him, it may have only been 5 months or so, but that's the longest any of us have gone without seeing him. Every time I hear a car outside, I catch myself looking out, hoping it's him. One of these times, it will be. Now I jut need to figure out somewhere for his dog to stay while he's home. I can't wait though. That's all I really wanted for Christmas, was for him to be here & it looks like he will, after all!

Getting Cold!

It's just been frigid here for the past few days, you can definitely tell that it's December & nearly winter. Usually it gets too warm in our bedroom at night and that's even after we turn the furnace down to 60 degrees, last night it was pretty much perfect in there. I knew i must have been extremely cold, because I never woke up roasting. I don't know what he temperature was, just that I was comfortable, so either it was cold or I was exhausted. Maybe a little of both.

I've been thinking about getting a ceiling fan for our bedroom, since we use a fan in there all year long anyway, that way I could switch the direction when it was cold and draw the warm air down. I don't know, though, the ceiling may be too low. Our light fixture is right over the bed, so that probably wouldn't even matter anyway, right?

We're supposed to get a bunch of snow today & tonight, but nothing has really fallen as of right now. We seem to miss a lot of the stuff that gets forecast for our area, we call it the Cedar Vortex!

Cleaning & Fixing

I've spent the past couple of days washing windows & curtains and then hanging Christmas lights in all of the windows at the front of the house. Our new little tree is up on the table with it's Befana topper and the wreath is on the door. I just need to give the house a good cleaning to really feel like it's ready for the season ahead.

I've decided that I want to make the craft room more storage friendly and plan to put up some shelf mounts in there & just buy wood to fit the size I need and line the east wall in shelves, that way I can keep fabric up there and my other supplies & not have to worry about it. I need to borrow my dad's stud finder and see where to put the mounts first, I don't want my shelves falling off the wall in the middle of the night or anything.

I've been using that room a lot lately, since I've been sewing again. I will be using it even more as soon as I find the fabric I have in mind for my booth's walls & start to make those and the topper for it. I need to get caught up on our storage bill before I lose my booth first, though. I have no idea how I got so far behind on it, but I did & am playing catch up right now. I wish I knew why it seems like I'm always behind on one bill or three this time of year.

Busy Day!

I truly do love the holidays, I actually have a pretty great family, for the most part & love to spend time with them, so that's never a hassle. We've all learned over the years that the holidays aren't the time to bring up our various issues with each other, although we had to learn the hard way. I do get tired when there's so much to do before, though. I feel like I've been running all day. I got up at 6:30 with Troy, was at the gym by 7:30, back here before 9 and I spent a little time playing on Facebook and eating before I grabbed a shower, did dishes and started making pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce and pumpkin mousse.

I'm just thankful that this year, we won't be participating in Black Friday & trying to get a great deal on mp3 players, Michael Kors gloves or small appliances, because I'm already tired and just want to relax. Our niece, Jaycie, spent the night last night & will be with us again tonight, then she'll ride with Rhi & I to my folks' house for the holiday. It's just easier for her most of the time to stay away from home when her parents are both home. She doesn't have to deal with the drinking and the craziness this way and we like spending time with her anyway.

Anyway, while it will be an odd holiday for me (Troy works & Erin won't be here), I'm looking forward to spending time with my family & hope all of you have a great day, too!

Why is It?

Why does everything seem to go wrong when you're the busiest & the store is the most crowded? The stores here have been jam-packed for almost a week now, and I can't seem to focus any time I'm actually inside a store, so I guess it's a good thing I'm a chronic list-maker, except when we run in for something we suddenly realized we needed & I forget about it halfway through the store & end up with a cart full of things we didn't need, but decided we couldn't live without. It's always those times when the lines are the longest and the checker is the slowest. It always seems like we're in line for 30 minutes and then right before our turn the receipt printer jams, the checker freaks and tries to fix it herself and can't and then we're all waiting for it to be unjammed or we get switched to another line & start the waiting again.

I hate crowds and chaos, it's probably a good thing that I don't live in a bigger city anymore, I would never be able to go out and go shopping. I do a fair share of it online, but I'm never really sure anymore what size clothes I wear or how something will look on me, so I can't buy those online. I have foot issues and have to try shoes on before I buy them, because I can bounce between 3 different sizes, just depending on how the shoe is made, so another thing I have to buy in person. I can handle all of that, just as long as I can do it when there are no big gift-giving holidays on the horizon. We really need to finish our shopping in the next couple of weeks, just so we don't have to deal with it, ither than to get groceries until the holidays are over.

Reading Excitement!

I was thrilled to read a post over at Christine's blog the other day. She posted that both Barnes & Noble and Amazon had released free downloads of their eReader software for download. I have been wanting a Kindle or a Nook for a few months, after first being very hesitant to even try one, because I'm pretty sure that I'll miss the smell and feel of the paper. I decided I wanted one so that I can just take it with me when I go places that I'm afraid I might get bored at. It seems like it would just be sturdier for carrying around in my purse than an actual book, you know?

Anyway, Troy & I are getting netbooks for Christmas, and we're both voracious readers, so this will be perfect for us. We buy so many books as it is, that it won't be that big of a deal to also buy some eBooks, you know? I have no intention of giving up my good, old-fashioned books, I'd miss lying down with one before bed and all of that, but for going other places, a book or two on the netbook would be ideal and there are also tons of free ones out there, too, so I'll probably get a chance to read a bunch of things I wouldn't have considered otherwise.

I think I'm just about finished with my shopping for the family, I know we'll get my brother & his wife & my mom and dad as our draws, that's the only way it really works out, otherwise, some of us end up giving gifts to the people we live with & buy for anyway. I know which perfume my sister-in-law likes, and which cologne dad likes, so I added them to my next Avon order, I'm getting a bunch of stuff for my niece, too. I'm trying to find the perfect gift for my mom and brother, but they won't be that hard to shop for, they're both pretty easy-going when it comes to that. I can always get my brother something with a Rockies or a Broncos logo and he'll be happy, of course I could (and likely will) do the same for dad.

We haven't been able to find what we're getting for the grand-daughter anywhere here locally, so we may have to order it from Crayola, but I'm going to check here again and then in St. George first, just to make sure, and yeah, I still haven't bought Erin's, but we'll probably go look today & see what the price range is & maybe grab it now.

Relieved

Erin called me a couple of nights ago and he's in Pueblo, with his big brother, or at least close enough that they can hang out together for awhile. It's nice knowing where he is for a change. I just keep hoping he doesn't run into his donor, that's something I'd like to have him avoid, at least until he's a bit more stable. The clinic he went to in Texas also called and all of his tests came back normal, so none of us have to worry about his health, either. He said he plans to be back here in December, for about 2 weeks, so he'll probably be here for Christmas & a bit after & then head out to parts unknown again. Sometimes it feels like he's in punta cana or something, because it's all the same when you have no idea where your kids are, you know?

I guess we'd better get his Christmas gift purchased and wrapped, since he's verified again that he is coming home. I got Rhi's the other day & just have to get it wrapped (it's a lot bigger than I thought, so that'll be fun.. not) and tagged.

I've ordered a few things for stocking stuffers and such from Avon, too, and keep adding to that as I go along. It should be a pretty fun holiday, at any rate, in spite of Troy's work schedule and my hostility regarding that, I just wish that for once, Dawn and her family could enjoy it.

Excited

I'm starting to get excited for Christmas already. I didn't think I would, because Troy is working that day, but I am. I'm getting a Zune from Troy and I'm really stoked about it. I really wanted to get one for the days when I'm walking by myself, it helps keep my mind off of the pain & repetition, and makes it go a lot faster.

The rest of the family all have MP3 players, so I have been a little jealous of that. I had one for awhile, but my car killed it. I've really missed having one since then. The package I'm getting has the car kit with it, so it'll transmit through the radio & I won't have to worry about the electrical system in my car ruining it.

So, yeah, I know, I'm excited for the holidays for a solely material reason, but at least I'm excited and not dreading them anymore, right?

Worries

I'm concerned about so many things right now. The economy doesn't seem to be turning around any time soon, and the company my husband works for has already started laying people off. I'm hoping that they're finished, but you never know. It's a constant worry, even if it's under the surface most of the time.

Erin is having medical issues and is a long, long way from home. I don't know that he's okay, or that he will be, I do know that he's drinking too much and has had DTs when he hasn't had anything to drink for awhile. That is never something a mother wants to know about her child, especially when there isn't anything in the world you can do about it.

My brother's drinking has also gotten worse. He has started showing up late for work because he's been oversleeping. His wife never gets out of bed anymore until late afternoon, she doesn't bathe, she looks horrible. I hate that my niece has to live in that environment, and I worry about her. My brother will lose his job if he keeps it up. They have already cut everyone back to four days a week, and if it'll save them money they'll fire him for being late. He's a welder who fabricates stainless steel drums, and I just can't see that there will be so much demand for him that he'll get any slack with that behavior.

Rhi is still trying to get a job, she has applications in all over the place, but isn't having any luck so far.

Dawn is stressed & emotional right now. Jason isn't working, she's paying everything on her own & they just aren't making it anymore. She has to have surgery on her wrists, but she needs a second job, too, so she's stuck trying to decide what to do. They're overdrawn at the bank (thanks to Jason. Again.) and have no way to repay it. her medicaid & food stamp case is closed right now, because they changed the rules and she had to come up with proof that the kids were actually who she said they were. She did that & yet, she's still waiting. They have no food in the house, I have no way to get her any because we have nothing extra right now, either.

What a bunch of messes. :(

A Change in Mindset

I was thinking about all of the changes in packaging that have happened in my lifetime, from fast food coming in Styrofoam boxes and every container being way bigger than the product inside to the current paper wrapping for fast food and streamlined boxes and containers. I noticed the other day at the grocery store that even Crystal Lite has changed their packages for the half gallon drink mixes, they did away with the plastic tub and moved to the same packaging as the single serve mixes and even made the main container smaller.

I know we're much more likely to buy products in the smaller boxes and even more likely if they also use post-consumer recycled materials in it. In cleaning supplies, we'll buy the natural products before the chemical laden products, because we have pets and feel better about using them than the alternative. I buy a lot of organics these days, too and have seen more & more of them popping up at the grocery store these days, which makes me very happy.

How about you? Have you increased your "Green shopping" or has nothing changed for you? I think manufacturers have made it a lot easier to shop responsibly by changing packaging & the materials used to make their products, that way most of us don't really have to think about it much. I'd probably have to go out of my way to find the old-style packaging, you know?

Halloween Goodies!

I've been following the 31 Days of Halloween giveaway over on Mrs. B's blog this month, and I've entered for a few things, because honestly, she has some awesome stuff to give away this month. Today, there was an offer that I just can't refuse! Octoberfarm is giving away a great goodie bag full of things from Salem, MA!! There is a little handmade spellbook, a tiny handmade broom, candy, syrup, baked goods, keychains, magnets, pictures, a tiny tote bag and a bunch more, really. I really, really want to win this, I have always wanted to go to Salem, and this would be about the next best thing for me!

If that sort of thing interests you, you really should go check out the giveaway & enter yourself - then send the goodies to me if you win!! LOL!!

Odd

I've noticed something the past few days, that just strikes me as odd. I used to be an everyday, several pots a day, coffee drinker. When my kids were babies & toddlers, it was the only way I could make it through the day. We had coffee brewing all day & into the night, and I went through one of the big coffee cans every month, if not more. As I got older (and so did the kids) I lessened what I drank, only brewing a pot in the morning and eventually only drinking a cup or two of that. The past couple of years, since the kids are grown up & I don't have to get up any earlier than I want to (and believe me, it's still pretty early) I haven't even bothered, except on very rare occasions.

So why have I been looking at coffee makers and wondering if I have room for one in my kitchen? I got rid of mine a years ago & replaced it with a French press, which I still rarely use & haven't really figured out how strong I like to make it in that. I really have no extra space in there for any other appliance in there, and I wouldn't use it often enough to even justify the cost, but yet, here I am, looking at them anyway. Must be my gadget addiction or something.

Oh! Oh!

Needless to say, I'm not going to start that housecleaning thing tonight. I'm just going to relax and enjoy my evening, I think. I hope to find something scary to watch on TV, maybe there something seasonal showing tonight. We went to see "Zombieland" on Sunday and we all loved it! I can't wait for it to come out on DVD so I can watch it again, any time I want to. We laughed so much during the movie, but oddly, we've done a lot of thinking about what we'd do if anything like that ever happened. There are so many crazy viruses out there these days that the possibility is very real, you know?

I forget got to mention that this morning, on our daily walk, we jogged! I never thought we'd be doing this, but we have been do inspired by "The Biggest Loser" lately that we both feel like we can do much more than we have been, and that we can overcome any temptation we encounter. Dawn & I are both former smokers & believe that since we quit smoking, we can do just about anything, really. Anyway, we've been walking on the indoor track at SUU, and today, we ran on one of the curves every lap around. We plan to do that for a week & then next Friday, we'll run on both curves. We'll probably do that for a couple of weeks to build up our stamina & then add a straightaway, until we're running a lap at a time. We'll probably run one and walk one for awhile, but we're making a lot of progress & we're both very proud of ourselves. Troy was with us, too, and he did some sprinting, but he's in a lot of pain tonight, so I think he probably overdid it.

Anyway, wish me luck as I surf channels tonight & weed out the weight loss supplement commercials and sitcoms from what I might really want to watch, I really hope to find something good or watch a DVD or two.

Getting Ready

It's time for me to get motivated to clean up this living room again. I was doing do well on the whole house before Rhi moved back in. I'm not sure why I lose my motivation when there are more than Troy & I living here, but I certainly seem to. Whatever the cause I need to break through it & stop, because we're all so much happier when it's nice and clean in here. I still haven't gotten my craft room situated & I'm pretty sure it's back in the same condition it was in when we started trying to get it put back together. It's very frustrating, let me tell you.

I can see that one of the kittens stole one of the outdoor pillows I have in here for the chairs, because it's on the living room floor & was probably being used as a bed this afternoon. They grab the ties on the corners & pull them down. You'd think they had been bought for them, honestly. I think I bought this particular one because our old couch was broken on one side & I put that under the cushion to prop it up enough to kind of sit on it comfortably. It worked for awhile. I won't miss breaking the furniture because 'm too heavy & all I do all day is sit, that's for sure & that so isn't my life anymore.

Whew!

I did finally get my laptop upgraded the other day, but I installed Windows 7 to the wrong drive because I misunderstood the little prompt in the installation, so Troy & I had to sit around half the day yesterday and try to figure out where I went wrong & how to fix it, which we did. So, everything is running and I really love this new version. I have to say that I think this is the best one I've used in recent years.

So, we're all updated and "modern" with my laptop, we're both getting gadgets for Christmas, we got a nice, big flat screen TV last winter & use the newest gaming technology we can afford, all we need now is to get rid of this 70s & 90s furniture and get some nice modern furniture, although I'm pretty sure the fur-kids would have anything nice we bought looking bad in short order.

We're having phone issues with Rhi again, so Troy has taken her down to get his old one activated for her. Hopefully, this will last longer than the one she just had. I can't take the stress after she loses one.

Frustrating

Apparently, I need to have Troy sit down with me & walk me through formatting my laptop & upgrading my OS, because I got started and couldn't even get anything done. I don't know how to boot from disc or change my partition sizes, and I can't upgrade to Windows 7 until I can do that. It's very frustrating and now I can't do anything until tonight, because Troy is at work today.

I'm thankful he's at work, trust me. Yesterday was a trying and somewhat scary day, since we found out that his employer had started lay-offs. He's safe for the time being, but if they decide to cut the security force in half, he'll be out of luck & our only real hope will be if they pay out his vacation & sick leave. I know if they offer to buy out his retirement, he'll take that offer & we'll be able to pay off our debt and live on his unemployment until we can both find something.

If need be, I guess we'll relocate. We'll have to go where ever the work is, even if that means we'll have to look into long distance movers, since we don't have a truck of our own to move very far. I don't want to leave my home again, but I know it's a very real possibility and have accepted it & many other things that we'll have to do or sacrifice to survive. The important things is that we will survive & we'll be okay. We've known this would very likely happen and have a plan if he is laid off. We're both at peace with either eventuality.

Now, if I could just get my laptop upgraded!

The Bell Rings Blue

I'm sitting here listening to streaming audio of a high school football game. The game is being played in Pueblo, Colorado, at Dutch Clark Stadium. It's the oldest high school rivalry west of the Mississippi, and this is the 109th game. It's called the Bell Game & is played between Pueblo Central (Go Big Blue!!!) and Pueblo Centennial. Obviously, I went to Central and still love my high school and all of that. My team made the first touchdown with the kickoff & I swear, if this game is that exciting all night, I'll need a portable AED machine, just to make it through the game.

I think the most fun is that I'm sharing the game with many of my old classmates on Facebook. Some of us are still in Pueblo, many of us are scattered around the country, but even so, those of us who aren't at the game are either listening to the streaming audio, the radio or checking the score where ever we can. I'm as excited as I ever was in high school over this game & that's a fantastic feeling!

I'm not looking forward to having to drive Rhi to her friend's birthday party in a little while, trust me. I was thinking about taking my laptop with me, but then I realized that I'd lose my connection. I'll just go as quickly as I can & get back. It's agony not being there!

On the Rollercoaster Again?

I'm pretty sure that Rhi has either lost her job & isn't telling me, or is slacking off of her job & is lying to me about it. She hasn't worked in over a week & was supposedly going in tonight, but she just came home & said that she was getting started on loading the dishwasher & there was a big boom & smoke started pouring out from behind the dishwasher & she got sent home because of the danger or something. I know knowing about this sort of thing, but it did sound believable. She had new work shirts that she picked up the other day, with the new restaurant name on them and I desperately want to believe in her & think she's telling me the truth. I don't want to think she's messing around with her job again. They're just too hard to come by right now, especially in a small town, and she knows that, it took her almost a year to get this one, after all. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't want to be on the rollercoaster off emotions again, when I find out I've been lied to, I just want what she's telling me to be the truth.

Well, onto less worrisome things, I guess. This morning, I did something I never have before. I made freezer jam with strawberries, peaches & mangoes. I know, it's not rocket science or medical equipment repair, but it was something I was hesitant to try doing, because I'm so unsure of myself when it comes to anything to do with canning or preserving. I'm excited to try making some more, because even though this is really good, I know I didn't get the pieces small enough, because I had to chop them up. I didn't own a potato masher to use on it, so I went & bought one this afternoon & think I'll make some mixed berry next (if I can find some more freezer jam pectin). Maybe one day I'll feel like trying to make the cooked version!

Insurance

Troy has been with the same company for 14 years now. For all of those years, our insurance didn't cost us anything, the company provided it for all of us. I realize how fortunate that made us, but we did start taking it for granted, which we never should have done. We found out a few weeks ago, that starting January 1, we will have to start paying for me to be insured. I was ready to just go without & start looking for some cheap health insurance on my own, but Troy talked me out of it. I haven't been to see a medical doctor for years, but you know, as soon as I gave my insurance up, I'd need to be hospitalized or something & we'd end up going bankrupt again.

I'm not happy with it, but I'm thankful that they still pay for Troy's and that we aren't insuring children anymore, you know? I doubt we'd be able to afford that, although we'd do it, we would have to start deciding what to give up, and honestly, almost everything we have right now is there for a reason, other than entertainment or something like that. We're just lucky that Troy still has his job & we aren't in stress mode right now, so I'll take that & not gripe about the rest.

Out & On the Road

Erin called me yesterday morning, after he got out of jail. Apparently he & his girlfriend, Dani, had just sat down by the side of the road & put up their sign, asking for money for food when the police rolled up & arrested them. He told me that Dani's cell mate passed out and hit her head, but when she asked for a guard to come & check on the girl, it took 20 minutes before he came back and then he looked at Dani & told her it was none of her concern and none of his & walked away without even checking on her. That doesn't leave you with a lot of faith in the justice system, does it?

Anyway, he's okay and they were planning to move on either last night or this morning, so I can go back to only worrying periodically.

Are any of you watching "The Biggest Loser" this season? I haven't watched it in a couple of years, but since I'm on the weight loss wagon currently, I find it to be very inspiring, so I've been tuning in since the first episode. If you are watching and have been Tivoing it or something, there may be some spoilers in here, so just hit the back button, okay?

I really liked Tracy that first week, I felt bad for her when she ended up in the hospital and was so happy when they said she was going to be allowed to continue, because she obviously needed to be there. I was happy for her when she made it back last week & happy they both lost so much weight. I'm rethinking those feelings now. What she did this week has no place in this show, in my opinion. Yes, it's technically a game & the winner is rewarded, but it just isn't played that way. It upsets me so much when anyone treats the show like it's more about the game than changing lives and risks the other members like that. I will hate seeing Mo go, but it's time for Tracy to leave.

It Makes a Mother Proud

I got a strange phone call earlier, it was one of Erin's friends, he said he had the wrong number & then he texted me a few minutes later, asking if I'd heard from Erin lately. I texted back & told him he should have asked when he called & told him I'd heard from him a few mornings ago, that he was in Savannah, Georgia & was hoping to leave that night for Florida. I figured he was just missing him & wanting to know that he was okay, until the friend called me again. Apparently, he'd gotten a call that he couldn't really understand, other than something saying it was an inmate call. He looked up the area code & was from Savannah, so he thought he'd better call me.

I looked it up on the 'net & found out he was arrested this afternoon, for jaywalking & begging. His picture was, well.. let's just say I wouldn't know him if I ran into him on the street. At least he wasn't picking up for boosting Ferrari parts or armed robbery or anything. I imagine they'll cut him loose in the morning. It wasn't a great gift for Troy on his birthday today, but at least for once, we know exactly where he is for a little while.

Ch-Ch-Changes

We've lived in this same trailer park for 6 years now. It's the longest we've ever spent in one house in our whole marriage. When we moved here, it was after finding out the kids wanted to return to public school. We had just bought the XTerra, so we had a car payment, school fees & rent that was a little higher than we were comfortable with with the added expenses of public school. We moved here because they would let us have our dog (it was Bear at the time) and the cats. It was a pretty nice trailer park back then & the former owner kept everything well-maintained & insisted that tenants keep their yards nice & clean, too. He paid our water bill & the sprinklers were set to turn on at specific times & days, the grass was always green & nice, but some people were mad that they weren't allowed to have a hose and all of that. It never really bothered us, I would have rather had green grass.

A couple of years ago, he sold it to someone else. For awhile, the sprinklers still worked, but people started hooking up hoses and breaking water lines and filling up huge swimming pools and all of that & they stopped setting them to come on automatically. People's yards look horrible, filled with broken furniture, trash and things like that. Yes, before the sale, there were always swing sets, trampolines and things like that, but people cared back then & they don't really seem to anymore.

It makes me sad & makes me want to move. I know we will as soon as we can afford to & find a place where we can have our pets, but I really wish we didn't have to.

Entertainment

Dawn & Jason came by a new, big screen TV this week. They're both really happy about it, they'd been making due with their older one for awhile. I'm not sure if it's a flat screen, although I think it must be. They completely rearranged their living room the other day & moved the entertainment center and all of that. I was happy that they had a newer one, with a large opening, or they'd have had to get a new stand with plasma mounts on it, kind of like what we had to get when we upgraded our TV in January.

We bought our entertainment center in 1994, I think, and while it was perfect for us back then, it really wasn't going to work for a bigger TV. The opening in that wasn't going to hold what we currently have, no matter how creative we tried to be. It was looking old & tired anyway, and definitely needed to be replaced, I love the stand we bought, it fits who we are much better now.

I'm really happy & excited for Dawn & Jason, I know that it'll make watching TV a bigger pleasure for them now, and since Dawn wasn't even watching it anymore, that's saying quite a lot.

Crazy Days

I feel like a hamster that's been running in it's little ball for days, now. I went shopping Wednesday or Thursday evening & bought myself a bunch of cute tops & some pajamas and then Friday was payday for us & for Rhi, so I started out taking her to get her check & then to the store to do a little shopping of her own, then that afternoon was grocery shopping for us. That night, I headed back to the store to finish up what we didn't get earlier & to try to find a blouse to wear the next day.

Saturday was our 18th anniversary, but before any celebrating of any type could happen, I had to go to a funeral for a friend's stillborn baby, which of course is never just the funeral. You have that, then the meal & if you're close to the family, you go back to the house and visit and what not. I hung out there until around 2:30 & then came home. Troy & I went out to dinner & then he went to work. We relaxed on Sunday, because both of us were so tired & needed a recharge. Yesterday, we didn't do a lot, but we did go to a movie in the later afternoon (Inglorious Basterds) and then we came home & I cooked dinner. I swear, I need to find a way to get rid of blackheads, what with no time to take care of myself this week & the stress on top of that!

Troy's work week starts in the morning, hopefully things will mellow out a little bit after that.

Arg!

It's Talk Like a Pirate Day today, did you know that? I didn't realize it, but I did know it was coming up this month. I found out this morning from my Facebook, because I fanned Captain Morgan Spiced Rum awhile back & they seem to post an update about it every 10 minutes or so. It was cute, the first time when they told everyone to change their language option to English (Pirate), but honestly, I get it already. It's Talk Like a Pirate Day. Okay. The next update will be almost as welcome as a colon cleanse, that's how tired I am of it. I'd unfan them, but I like the recipes and such that they normally have, even though this is the first they've posted anything of in a long time and let me tell you, they're making up for lost time.

I'm so unmotivated today. I have dishes that need finishing & the weekly snack cake to make, and I just haven't even got the ambition to do either one.

Free Groceries?

In this time of economic hardship, who out there would turn down free groceries? A pasta company is giving away a grand prize of free groceries for a year or several other prizes of $200 mini grocery sprees. Run, don't walk & sign up to win, I did!

Travel Dragon Spell

Travel Dragon Spell

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Rid a Home of Negative Energy

Rid a Home of Negative Energy

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Do You Feel It?

Is Autumn rearing it's lovely head where you live yet? Are the days growing slightly cooler? I know we're starting to feel it, it was so nice this morning when Dawn & I took our daily walk, the air was just slightly crisp and some of the leaves up the canyon are just barely starting to change. We need to start taking our cameras with us again, to capture the ever-changing beauty we see down there every day.

Rhi is doing well, she's still working, still loving her job. She's starting to plan for the future & decide what she wants to do each week. She said this morning that she was pretty happy living here now, which is a big improvement. I'm so glad she feels welcome here & is content now. She has had any repeats of taking those weight loss pills on an empty stomach and getting sick, so hopefully, she's done with that.

I haven't heard from Erin since August 29, so I'm starting to get a little worried about him. I know he'll call me if he's able, I just hope he's still able. I wouldn't be worried, but we received a couple of strange phone calls from some older man in Georgia a few days after we last heard from him that set me on guard & made me start worrying about him. I hope he calls soon.

Laziness

I'm having a nice, somewhat lazy day. I had planned to get a bunch of housework done today, but you know what? I'm tired & ready to just relax & rest, it's a holiday, I deserve to enjoy myself and not be stressing myself out over the house for a change. Rhi doesn't have to be to work until 4, Troy is off & playing Farmtown, I'm sitting here bouncing around on Facebook, trying to catch up from the weekend & seriously considering fixing my lunch & then having a nap.

I asked a question on another blog about suggestions for skin care. Apparently I still haven't narrowed down the best acne treatment for my skin type & age. I was wondering what all of you use, if you're still affected by acne at any rate. I currently use an apricot scrub in the mornings & wash my face with a cosmetic wipe thingy and night. Both work okay, but I still have periodic break outs, so do you have any ideas for me? I'm not interested in the super expensive stuff or anything I can't easily buy in a small town or on the net at a reasonable price.

Anyway, I think that lunch is sounding yummy right now & so is that nap.

Sometimes

You know, I find so many of my things out of place in the bathroom these days & food that ends up being gone long before I think it ought to that some days I feel like I need to install video surveillance equipment all over the house, just so I'm not being lied to anymore. I do care about other people using my hair products and makeup, the food really doesn't matter that much, other than stuff that I have set aside to use for meals, but I'd still rather have the truth when I ask about it.

Every day I think I remove one more thing from the bathroom & put it away in my bedroom so that it won't get used by anyone but myself. That sounds pathetic, I know, but I stopped buying the cheap stuff after the kids all moved out & I don't feel like I should have to share it now. I don't get into her things & use her makeup & such, she has no hair products except hairspray & I have my own. I would never wear her clothes, even if I could fit into them, so she isn't losing anything to me & all of my stuff gradually gets used up without me.

It doesn't seem to matter how many times I confront her about things, the next day it's something else that she's using. Last week it was my deep conditioner & the stuff I use everyday to help keep my hair color from fading, then it was my foundation & eye shadow, now it's the texturizer I use in my hair occasionally. Who knows what it'll be next?

The Weight Loss Thing

I'm not sure if I've posted about my weight loss on this blog, or not. I may have been keeping it solely to the other one these days, I can't remember. Anyway, in November when Troy nearly died from gangrene in his gall bladder (and the gases being pumped into all of his other organs) we had a long talk about our health, eating & future. We decided that neither of us was prepared to lose the other to an illness that we had any power to control by changing our lifestyle right there & then. I never wanted to put Troy through the fear I was living with then & didn't want me to go through it again (and trust me, it isn't the first time I've been sitting there wondering if he would be coming home), so we hanged pretty much everything we were doing with our lives.

We both got more active, even though for me that was a months-long process to even be able to start, since I contracted mono while I was spending all of my waking moments at the hospital with him & was horribly sick all winter & into the spring. He started working out, I started walking every day. At first, we walked 7 days a week, and after we were well into it, we started taking the weekends off (by we I mean Dawn & I). We were all eating better & being super careful about what the food we were eating had in it & cut a lot of stuff out, like high fructose corn syrup and the like. I lost about 10 pounds through that process & Troy was losing like crazy. I was getting frustrated & down on myself, feeling like I was never going to lose enough weight to make a difference without surgery or using a diet pill like Avesil or something, but I joined a program to help me learn to eat better & live better & I'm doing great. Counting that first ten pounds, I've lost 47 so far & have gone down almost 4 sizes in pants & probably 2 in shirts.

I haven't talked about it a lot on my blogs, I've just been living it, it's not that I'm ashamed or anything, i just never felt like any of the readers I have really wanted to hear about what I ate today or how frustrated I was at losing nothing a certain week, or even gaining some, so I've kept it mostly it of here. I do occasionally post about my total loss & the story behind it all for those of you who don't know, but there it is, as of this week, I've lost 47 pounds. That was really the point of the whole post, to say that & since I wasn't sure if I'd ever mentioned it on here, felt I needed to. So, yay for losing!

Oh Well

I went out looking for a lower rate on our car insurance & got a bunch of insurance quotes, but I guess we already have the lowest rate for our vehicles already. I'm not complaining about what we pay, we got a great rate & it's way lower than we were paying before we switched a couple of years ago, but I was hoping to go even lower.

I imagine that I'll find other places that I can cut back on, like grocery shopping. I buy a lot of name brand products because I'm picky & spent many years only being able to afford store brands. I decided that once we didn't have to buy them, I wasn't going to anymore. I can do it again, it won't make that much difference in the taste of things and will probably save us quite a bit. I have already cut way back on gas for my car I really only fill up once a month. I won't give up Weight Watchers or buying clothes as I need them, I can't go naked, after all, but I will keep it at a reasonable range, especially since I won't be wearing anything for very long until I reach my goal.

Other than that, I make sure lights are turned off when we aren't in a room & I turn off the swamp cooler when we leave the house or evening comes, I also haven't been watching as much TV these days, either. Any other ideas? I'm not great with this kind of thing.

Cutting Costs

I've been trying to rework our budget lately just so we can have the bare minimum going out in case Troy loses his job or anything. I just don't want to sit around & worry that we won't be able to make it on his unemployment in the event that we have to, you know? I try to keep our food costs down, but there are weeks when we run out of everything & that almost doubles our grocery bill. Now that we have Rhi living with us again, groceries will go up some, too. I think I'll try to find cheaper car insurance, if that's even possible & cut the costs of our utilities as much as possible & gas for my car & just see what we can do on our savings plan.

I'm not terribly worried about his job, but you never know what the future holds, especially in the field he's in, so it's best to try to be as prepared as possible & not be caught unawares, you know? I don't like surprises, especially bad ones & would rather be ready for anything, if at all possible. I hate the state this country is in, I wish & hope that things will start to look up for all of us, soon.

Fun!

Dawn & I went grocery shopping today (I go with her every month to get hers, just to keep her company mostly) and after we went to a couple of grocery stores, we ran into a discount store to look for a tabletop fountain for her altar & of course we looked around at other things while we were there. We couldn't find them where they had been all summer, mostly because they were a seasonal item & they were already adding all of the nifty Halloween decorations. We stopped to look through that stuff, of course & found some really cute things that both of us would love to have & some gorgeous garlands of autumn leaves & vines in several different colors that I want for the booth. I think the only thing we didn't see were Halloween party invitations, which was okay, because I usually make my own. (when we have a party, at any rate)

We did eventually find the fountains & she got a really cute one for $2.50 because they were all on clearance. I bought myself one the other day on our shopping trip for about $4, so I was thrilled that she managed to get an awesome deal on something she really wanted, too. We're goiong to her house tonight to finally taste the beer & hard cider we made last month & for a nice barbecue with some other friends. It should be a nice evening & I'm really looking forward to it.

Shades of Autumn

It feels different outside these days. Yes, we still have hot, muggy days, but the nights are cooling down & the mornings have been outright cold. Dawn & I have both switched from wearing out tank tops while walking to wearing t-shirts & soon I'm sure we'll start taking our jackets with us. I'm just happy that I bought a bunch of pairs of track pants & yoga pants so my legs won't be cold.

Dawn & I went shopping together today, I really didn't buy anything other than some shampoo & conditioner and a set of sheets that match our comforter that were on clearance, but Dawn needed new walking shoes & dog supplies, so I went along with her. I found a super cute sweater that I want for the fall & a pair of shoes, too.. they even have a nice high heel, which will be the first pair of those I've wanted in many years. I'll pick both of them up when I get paid & then I'm saving the rest of my future checks for something else. I'm not sure what really, but I'd love to do something special with Troy this winter, maybe get away for a couple of days or so, who knows?

We're in the middle of a thunder storm, it's barely raining still, but the skies are definitely rumbling, and I have Tiny lying up here on the couch next to me. She doesn't seem to mind the thunder when she's outside, but it does scare her when she's in the house. I've been trying to downplay it & not give her extra attention lately, I hope it'll work.

Water Scrying

Water Scrying

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A Long Day

I feel like I've had a headache right at the edge of my senses all day. I've taken ibuprofen, allergy meds earlier & just now some cold meds, so hopefully something will do something, I can't take it much longer. Rhi came home from work this afternoon & went back to bed. I always know she really isn't feeling well when she actually comes home after work, because she usually hangs out with her friends until about 8 or 9 (or later). She also retreats to the shower or tub a lot when she isn't well, and when she took her 4rd one of the day, she accidently knock the handheld shower out of it's holder & it feel apart. She had a major meltdown, which I pretty much ignored, because I figured something wasn't working right for her in her room & wanted to give her some space. Troy & I went to buy ice & I got her a Diet Pepsi while we were out, and when I took it to her, she was a mess in her room, very upset over having broken it, thinking we were going to want her to move out. Troy wasn't able to fix it, so we went & got a new one, it's not like it was expensive to begin with & we'd had it a few years in hard water, it was to be expected eventually.

She's enjoying her job a lot, which is refreshing, but she does keep looking for something to supplement it with, since she doesn't get a lot of hours. I wish she'd take that CNA course, or maybe some medical coding training courses, so she could have an actual career to fall back on. Maybe one of these days she really will go back to school, I just know that I never did & am afraid she won't, either.

Kids

I'm not sure if I mentioned in my previous post that Rhi moved back in with us this past Friday, but she did. I gave her a whole long list of things we expect from her if she's going to live here & she agreed to them. She even paid her phone bill & rent right away, which made things a lot easier for us. I'm really hoping she'll stick to the rules, because I want this to be a positive situation for all of us, with no fighting & tears, this time around.

Anyway, she was scheduled to work the day shift today, which means she has to be there at 10am, so as I was getting ready to leave for my walk this morning, I stopped by her room & made sure she was awake & then came in here & sat down for a few minutes. She staggered in & got a glass of water, came & sat down on the loveseat & started to take a couple of pills. I asked her what she was taking (we have a strict zero tolerance policy in our home regarding illegal substances), she said it was diet pills, (not prescription, more like ultra 90 and the like), mostly for the caffeine, so she could wake up. I just kind of shook my head & headed out for my walk.

Halfway through it, she texted me & told me she had thrown up very badly & was going to go to work late, so she could see if a little sleep would help, I told her it was probably the pills & when they were completely out of her system, she'd feel better. She felt good enough to go to work by about 11:30 or so, and seems to be doing well now. I did make sure to talk to her & let her know that she didn't need pills & that we do have coffee & tea all the time, so hopefully we'll have no repeats in the days ahead.

Almost Autumn

We noticed this morning that the leaves are starting to turn on the trees on our walk. I'm excited, because as much as I love summer, I'm ready for the cooler, calmer days of autumn. I was able to get some really nice clothes the other day to wear for fall & winter & I'm excited to get to wear them, already. I had to, most of the rest of my clothes are way too big for me now. I spent a couple of hours today culling out the stuff that was too big & digging through my dresser & pulling out old favorites that I hadn't had the heart to get rid of when I gained all of this weight. I was thrilled to find that many of them already fit me again, and the rest will before very much longer.

I got new jeans, a nice pair of black slacks, some very nice tops & a cute Ed Hardy t-shirt. I didn't get anything printed with a tuxedo on it, or any shoes that were too young for me, I tried very hard to make choi that would be good for my body type & my age. I took a lot of advice from Troy when choosing & listened to my own inner voice, too. Troy was concerned because I didn't get a bunch of super warm things, but I really don't wear that type of thing, I usually just layer things, so I can stay warm or cool down if needed.

Anyway, Davy stayed several days in the hospital & ended up having to have surgery on his feet to remove the infection. I guess he didn't have a heart attack, after all, so that was good news. We were worried for awhile that his right foot would have to be amputated, along with his toes on the left foot, but they seem to have gotten it all taken care of. His mom had surgery to remove uterine cancer a couple of weeks ago & still isn't able to leave the hospital, so we're all still very worried about her & then on top of all of this, the town they live in, New Harmony, had to be evacuated the other day because a wild fire was threatening it. The smoke here was so bad that it was hard to breathe & it smelled so bad that all we really wanted was to wake up & smell fresh, clean air again (which we were able to today, finally). So, a lot has been going on, hopefully the bad times are behind us now.

Update

They kept Davy overnight at the hospital, they were pretty sure he had a heart attack. It came out after he got there that he'd been having chest pains & shortness of breath since Saturday. Yes, he has a bad foot infection & they put him on IV antibiotics, but that wasn't why his feet were turning black. They seem fairly certain that he has a blockage somewhere that's causing that, because they want him to see a vascular surgeon.

We just heard that they'll be keeping him for another day to run more tests, but that was all we were told. Hopefully they'll figure it out before too long.

His mom is having a really hard time of things. She had a hysterectomy on Friday because she had uterine cancer. They got her up on Saturday to do some walking & she started hemorrhaging so they put her in the special care unit until yesterday. She was place back in regular care, but now can't even hold liquids down. So, we're a full of worry here this week, between the two of them & I'm sure that they all feel pretty helpless at not being able to be there for the other members right now, since Joyce is in Salt Lake City & Davy is here.

Scary

While I was typing that last acne sucks post, my best friend IMed me to tell me that her cousin, Davy (a good friend of mine) had just called his brother Jason to come & get him & take him to the ER. He had what he thought was a very bad case of athlete's foot earlier in the week, he was in so much pain he could barely walk because of it. I guess his toes started turning black later that day & he didn't want to worry anyone (their mom just has a hysterectomy to remove uterine cancer & was having bleeding issues), so he didn't tell anyone. Today, it's traveling up his feet & he 's scared & hurting, so he felt like he needed to go see what was happening.

I'm worried about him, but since waiting around in the hospital is about as exciting as reading colon cleanse reviews, I'll wait for news here at home or over at Dawn's house. I hope he's going to be alright, because I know what causes that & I hope it hasn't gone on so long that he'll lose them.

Well, I guess I ought to take my shower & decide what I'm having for dinner, since I'm starving & dirty. What a combination.

Not Fair

I always believed that once you left puberty behind you didn't have to worry about acne anymore. Either I never left puberty behind or that's just a myth. It's not fair, I tell you, I should not be trying to find the best acne treatment for myself, not at 43. That was something I obsessed about at 13, I thought that 30 years later it would just be a bad memory. I hate my skin.

I'm starting to feel a little better, finally. I haven't wanted to spend the day sleeping today, at any rate. I did have a bit of a scare earlier, Rhi IMed me to ask me to call my parents because they hadn't been by to get my niece for church & weren't answering their phones. I tried calling & just got voicemail on both cells, so we headed out there to check on them. The dogs were both out, the doors were all locked, the sprinkler was on & the car was gone, looks like a day trip or something, so I'll try callig them later & see if they're back yet.

Creepy Giveaway!

I just found the coolest giveaway via Mrs B. Grim Visions is giving away a really cool, one of a kind Skull Book light. The light features a handcrafted skull sitting on a ancient, dusty tome, with a melting candle on top of it. It's looks cool & creepy & would be perfect in my booth during faire. For those of you who don't read my other blogs, I'm a Renaissance craft vendor & my booth is called "Three Witches." We try to decorate accordingly & this would be perfect.

So, if you're interested in trying to win this cool light, run over to Grim Visions & follow the directions there!

Ack!

These kittens are driving me nuts today. They're into everything & all over the place. I have to find someone to take them & soon. I was planning to keep one, but at this point, I'm thinking I don't want to deal with another kitten at Christmas, I have every year for awhile & I'm tired of it. I just get worn out following them around & keeping them out of trouble, honestly. I think I'm getting too old to deal with the shenanigans of baby animals. I have very little patience for most things these days & I have none left to spread around to little things that like to get into everything. I've picked up my mop more times than I can count, taken them off of the counters & out of the adult cats' food five or six times & cleaned up stuff that they've knocked to the floor as they climb up to the counter just as many times. I'm already worn out & it's only noon. I was a nap. I wonder if they have deal on orlando vacations for pet owners trying to escape?

Hey, don't forget to scroll down to my first post today, I need advice of the direction this blog should take in the future!

Must be Nice

I'm sitting here, feeling nauseated (it came on me all at once, no idea what's up with that) and watching "Flip this House," and the guy is redoing his Aunt's house that was damaged in one the hurricanes in Galveston (I think) and the contractor he hired went out & grabbed a bunch of day laborers off the street & then told him that he'd worked with them before & knew them. One of the guys flat out told the camera man that they'd only been there since the night before, so it's obvious he didn't know them before.

Anyway, the contractor & owner went to the store to buy new ceiling fans & light fixtures, which cost about $1500, which was really good, because they had estimated it would take at least twice that amount. It must be nice to be able to do that, I've had a fixture in my kitchen that we need to replace & have needed to for over a year & it's pretty much just hanging there, honestly. Neither of us have a clue how to change one, so we haven't. I need to find a friend that does & get them over here to help out, I think.

Changing it Around

When I started this blog I gave it the name it has today, thinking it would be my last blog & that I'd keep the name forever, then about a year later I added a blog to my business site & then a few months later, I bought the domain wordywitch.com & thought I'd move this one over there, but for many reasons I wasn't able to, so now I have two blogs with very similar names, this one and "Words of a Witchy Woman." I do try to talk about different things on each blog & this one was about Pagan parenting, and where I talked about my kids. Well, my kids aren't kids anymore, neither of them live with us currently & there just isn't enough that I know about either one of them to even post regularly.

I don't know if this one should be about empty-nesting & parenting adult children or about my journey to better health & weight loss (which, by the way, as of today, I've lost 32 pounds & 10% of my starting weight since May 24, without using weight loss supplements or a prescription). I really do need your feedback on this, which would you be more interested in hearing about? Should I combine the two topics? It would give me a little more to talk about that way, for sure, but are the two topics too far removed from each other to share a blog?

Do you have any new name suggestions? I'm just out of ideas right now, I've sat here all morning, trying to figure out something new & it just isn't coming to me. Any suggestions or ideas at all will be greatly appreciated.

Almost the Weekend

Have I mentioned how ready I am for the weekend yet? I'm ready to have 2 days off from the alarm clock, walking and cooking dinner. I'm ready to actually be able to spend time with Troy, since he's been at work all week (which isn't normal for him, he usually works 3-4 days a week). It feels like we haven't seen each other at all, especially since he's on night shift & isn't sleeping at the same time I am.

I'm feeling somewhat better this evening, we'll see how I feel as the night progresses, I've been feeling worse the closer it gets to bedtime for the past couple of nights. I really want to feel good enough to stay up late & watch TV or read or whatever, because I don't have to get up early in the morning.

How many of you have gps systems in your cars? I remember when they first started coming out & then again when they were more affordable. We thought about getting one, but honestly, we live in a rural area & rarely go to a city where we might need directions to get somewhere. Would it even be worth it for us to have one? I know 'm a gadget freak & I'm just wondering if that's why they interest me, or if I think I really need one.

Redesign

I'm in the middle of looking for a new layout, so be patient as I try new things out & play around in here!

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Okay, I think this one should get me through for awhile, until I find something cute for Halloween, at least. What do you think?

Still Kickin'

I finally made it to the bedroom after my last post last night. I got there later than I intended, but I slept fairly well. I'm not feeling good again today & still really just want to sleep, but I'll survive. I did manage to get my dishes done yesterday, and today I'll sweep the floors in the kitchen & bathroom, maybe even get around to mopping, at least the kitchen, tonight sometime. I don't plan to do much of anything this weekend, I just want to catch up on my rest & try to get better.

We had gradually been getting our kitchen in shape & looking like we want it to, finally. We've been getting a little bit every payday, which was what I did with the bedroom, too. This week we bought dishes, rugs & a clock.I'd love to get the nasty, greasy wallpaper torn down this winter & get it painted in there. I want to buy some red glass tile for the area behind the stove, since we're painting that wall red anyway. There an area of wall right below the window that is pretty much ruined, so I thought we'd get some of that stamped tin looking stuff & put it up there, behind the sink. I think that would look pretty cool. We're almost to the point where that'll be all that's left to do in there. I think we still need to buy some glasses, since we have nothing to even give a drink to a guest in at this point and I'd like some new pictures in there, but other than that, we have nothing else to buy.

Kind of Cool

Well, I was going to go to bed, but then I happened upon a post my a former friend who moved back to the South, after living here for about 5 years or so. She's pregnant & waiting for her husband to join her (he's in the military), and meanwhile she's been looking for a home to buy. She's been having a hard time, not only because houses are too fat out of their budget, but because it's hard to make that choice alone.

Anyway, he sent her an email awhile ago, full of Outer Banks foreclosures & told her that pretty much anything in those listings would be great with him, so she went & looked at a few & I guess she got their loan approved & is waiting to here about one that they made an offer on. I'm excited for them, they've waited a really long time to own a home (and longer to have a baby) & it looks like their dreams are about to come true!

Why?

Why do I have 5000 channels & nothing to watch most of the time? I can watch a show about how industrial equipment supplies are made, from start to finish on Discovery, or "Cooking with Butter" on Food Network, or maybe "I'm a Celebrity & Have No Idea How to Survive without a Maid" on Reality. Wow. Maybe I'll just watch the replay of the Rockies game, at least it was good.

I know that my problem is that I'm bored, that it's been a hugely long week for Troy & I & I'm sick on top of it. I hate being bored, I tend to nitpick everything when I am. I could be working on getting my craft room straightened out, but because I'm sick, I have no motivation to do anything at all. I don't even want to go walking tomorrow, but I will, because Dawn is counting on me.

I can't wait until the weekend, I know that for sure. I just want to rest, I don't want to go anywhere or do anything at all. I might bake a cake for Troy & I to snack on in the coming week, but that'll take me 10 minutes at the most. I'm so tired & feel so horrible right now, I think I'll just go to bed. Goodnight blogger world!

Playing Catch Up

It seems like I'm always behind on my blogs these days. I've been spending so much time trying to get my real life under control (which includes my house) that I don't spend a lot of time writing anything. We had a wonderful day the Saturday we went to Navajo Lake. We spent the first couple of hours driving around on Webster's Flat, out towards Zion National Park. We saw some absolutely gorgeous country out that way, I love seeing the beautiful red rocks surrounded by the bright green of the trees & grass, it's almost surreal at times.

We had our little picnic, watched Beth abuse her uncle Justin, took her on a couple of little walks & really just had a nice relaxing time together. Right before we were ready to come back down, Dawn did a beautiful rite, honoring Lugh & the first harvest & then we left.

We plan to get together soon with Vicki & her husband Charlie, to do another Rock Band day, since they're coming out with a Beatles expansion that allows harmonizes & up to 3 microphones. Dawn, Vicki & I both love to sing when we play, so that'll be perfect. I hope they have it for the XBox 360 platform, if they do, we'll buy it later on, too.

Troy & I got our china cabinet cleaned out the other day, got rid of a bunch of stuff we have no need for anymore & then went & bought ourselves some new dishes and some cute rugs for the kitchen. They had an apple design on them, which I chose because it was red (most of my stuff in there matches that, including the new red dishes). The next day, I was getting Rhi a new alarm clock for work & they had a super cute apple clock, so I got that, too.

I'm hoping we can get the living room & bedroom carpets cleaned this weekend, unless Troy is just too exhausted, since he's working 60 hours this week & worked 48 last week. If he is, it can wait, we're still box training kittens after all.

Friday!

I am so happy that it's Friday. That means I can sleep in tomorrow, or at least not worry about getting up & having to get ready to go walking immediately, at any rate. I don't know how long I'll sleep, but I can sleep as long as I'm able.

Tomorrow we're going up on the mountain to Navajo Lake for a picnic. It's just going to be a simple thing, just us & Dawn & Jason, since I doubt that any of her kids are going to want to go, but it's something we need, I think. I don't know how long we'll stay or what we'll even do while we're there, but I plan to just relax & take it easy for awhile.

My teeth are bothering me again, so I guess I ought to see if my dentist has any dental discounts going on right now & see what I can afford to get done. I need a couple of fillings I think & if not that, then I guess they can just pull those two teeth. I'm just tired of the pain, I will do almost anything at this point to make sure it stops.

Anyway, I'm tired & I think I just want to watch the baseball game & then go to bed, have a terrific night world!

One Year

One year ago, today, my grandma died. After today, all of those hard firsts are over. I'm not going to lie & say we were close, because we weren't, she wouldn't allow it. She was close to my oldest brother, because he was a boy & he was the first. She always wanted a son, but was only ever able to have one child & that was my mom, so Steve was her answered prayer, I guess.

I do have some good memories of her & of course, some not-so-good ones, too. She was typical, in that the gifts that came from her were always what she thought you needed & rarely what you really wanted, although, one year, she got Steve & I each a huge Summer Sausage for Christmas & wrapped them up.. there were some pretty funny looks from both of us when we were handed those!

There was the time she was trying to lure our escaped pig back to her pen & ended up being chased all the way up the driveway, with the pig snapping at her rear end all the way. That was one of the funniest sites I've ever seen in my life.

She believed that "vacations" were for visiting family, for the most part & used to laugh at Troy & I when we'd take our little mini Vegas vacations, to spend a night or two away from the kids & work on our marriage, but she thought it was pretty terrific when we were able to go on a Caribbean cruise with some friends one fall. Honestly, what family were we really going to go visit without having to drive 12-14 hours, get a hotel for several days & then drive back again? It was just cheaper for us to go to Vegas, really & no drama while we were there.

But, anyway, I miss my grandma, more than I ever thought I would. She hadn't been herself for years, Alzheimer's takes away the person you knew long before they die, so I figured I had dealt with the missing her part of it all. I was wrong & I still have questions that will never be answered, because she was just about the only person who could have & she probably wouldn't have. She'd have felt that it was none of my business & she's probably right.

Things to Think About

I never used to pay much attention to what happens on the Interstates of our country, I used to just drive on them to where ever I was going & not really think about it, much. Ever since Erin started this whole hitch-hiking thing he does, I've paid more attention, mostly because any of those things could have an affect on him & his life. I see huge scorch marks burned into the asphalt & medians, and I worry about my son & him getting caught in a vehicle fire. I see tractor-trailers broken down on the shoulder, waiting to be towed or the driver is trying to fix whatever the problem is so they don't lose time, miles & money.

People drive so carelessly, unmindful of the high speeds that they're traveling & what it would do to them if they hit someone else, they're in too much of a hurry to get down the road & can't be bothered to be careful. It's not unusual to a see a motorhome towing a car & weaving into the other lane, not really aware that they are, because honestly, some of those things are huge & they forget that & that they're towing anything behind them. We saw one towing a small U-Haul-type trailer with a car behind that once. Is that even legal? If it is, it's still crazy, can you imagine the money they spend on gas for one trip?

Anyway, I'm more aware these days, mostly, yes, because I worry about my son, but also, the road is a big part of his life now & I want to know how people live out there.

Business as Usual

Erin is.. somewhere out there, between Flint, MI & Louisville, KY. I'm not sure what he's doing or why he's going to Kentucky, but I miss him & wish he planned to be here for his birthday. I didn't get to be with Garrett for his 21st & it's looking unlikely that I'll spend Erin's with him, either. Oh well, there will be other birthdays & other summers I imagine.

Rhi is still looking for work, still getting high & still doing whatever it is that she does. We're not close, we really never have been & I'm moving towards acceptance. I know she doesn't really need me around, not as much as she needs us to pay her phone bill & give her money occasionally. Trust me, it's VERY occasionally, I usually feel more comfortable with just buying her what she needs & that doesn't happen very often anymore.

I'm feeling listless this summer, nothing is happening. My email is full of ads for things like Clinicallix, and credit cards, none of which I need, so nothing fun in there to read & my snail mail is pretty much the same, full of ads for insurance, grocery store sales & bills. TV has been pretty good, there are new episodes of True Blood, Burn Notice, Royal Pains & In Plain Sight, so at least I can watch that at night.

I look forward to be every night, that's when I can relax & read until I'm ready for sleep. I don't stay up laqte, I have to get up in the mornings & walk every week day, so I try to make sure I get enouh sleep, but this weekend, I'm staying up to read & sleeping in every morning!

Far From Home

Erin had a good time at the Rainbow Gathering, then he took off for Michigan to meet some people, so they could go somewhere else. Virginia I think, but I can't remember what for. I miss him & I worry about him, especially when he tells me he tried to hop a train & almost died, but there isn't really anything I can do except wait for the next phone call telling me where he is & that he's okay. I wish he'd figure out what he wants to do with his life & get started on that, no matter where it is, even if it's driving a tuck for the best moving companies Los Angeles has to offer, as long as he's settled & in one place, I'd be satisfied.

Rhi had a rough week at faire & in life in general. She isn't happy in the relationship she's in & neither is he, honestly, but neither of them will let go & move on. I think each of them is hoping the other will magically change & become the person they thought they were involved with. She was acting out quite a bit, she left the booth & Justin there so she could go & get high & then couldn't understand why I'd be pissed off. She stayed one other night & was a little wild that night, too, so I'm thinking I can't rely on her to stay in my booth & act like the adult she is, so I'll have to stay there myself or find someone else to.

I do wonder at times where I went wrong, but I guess I can't blame myself for all of their choices forever, they are, after all, adults.

Kittens!

I got up this morning & went out of the bedroom to find Booger all curled up with Tiny on the blanket outside the door. She kept looking up at me, so I bent down to pet her & noticed that she there were kittens in there with her! We knew she was getting close to having them, I just wasn't expecting it today. There are 5 right now & since she's sleeping, I'm pretty sure she's done. She's doing a good job & taking care of them & the other cats are very curious, but not aggressive. She isn't letting them get too close yet, of course. They're so cute & I can't wait to see them in a few days.

We've already had a busy weekend, and it's only Sunday morning. We went to Dawn's birthday party yesterday & had a ton of fun with all of our friends, before that we went & picked up the bakery donations for faire & dropped them off (for the pie-eating contest & cakewalk), went to the store to get some stuff for the party & I cooked some pulled pork. Today we're heading out to my parents' house to celebrate Father's Day, since my brother & sister-in-law had to go to a memorial last week.

Boy, I'd really love to have an iPhone. I have no use for an iPod, really, but I love the phone. when I see all of the cool iPhone accessories & applications, I get gadget envy so bad & start wishing my cell phone provider was cool enough to carry them. It's not, so I guess I'll never have one, but I can dream, can't I?

Anyway, I need to shower & start getting ready to go, I hope all of you have a great Sunday!

So Busy!

So that I've been scarce around here, faire is two weeks away & we're in the middle of the hurry-scurry right now. I've spent most of my days for over a week, back in the bedroom either packaging & pricing things or making entirely new products as i get more ideas & more excited. I wish I had some nice displays now, even cardboard displays would do at this point, but that'll have to wait until next year, I'm pretty much out of time for that this time around.

Erin made it to the Rainbow Gathering & is having a lot of fun, working hard & getting the camp ready for the thousands who will converge on it next week. We have friends who may be going to the Gathering, so he might get a chance to see them while they're all there. I'm happy that he's doing what he loves & having a good time, although I am afraid that he'll be going to jail when he gets home. I just wish we could all get passed that stuff & be able to move on.

Rhi moved to St. George this week & then back to Cedar City the next day. I guess the living conditions where she moved were pretty bad & she really missed being near everyone that she loves. I'm supposed to be taking her out today to look for a job, i'm really hoping she'll find something this time.

That's about it, things are busy, but not much really changes.

Stuff

Erin called me this morning, he made it to Pueblo last night & is safely with Garrett. That feels so strange to me, to know both of my boys are in that city, together again & I'm not. Erin's never been in Pueblo without me there before. I hope they're having a terrific time together, I know that Garrett has wanted him to come out & visit for a long time, so hopefully they'll make the best of their time together.

Rhi didn't make it to her test yesterday, but she did go talk to her recruiter & asked him for help with the math & he gave her a packet to practice on & directed her the online practice tests, then rescheduled her test for a week down the road, promising her a practice test before the real thing, so that she could keep trying if she doesn't get it figured out by then. That all made her feel a lot better about it.

I got a chuckle today at the store with Dawn. Two very thing, teenage girls were standing around in the diet aids section, discussing which one was the most effective diet pill, get this, not because either of them thought they needed it, but so they'd know after they got older & had kids. I laughed to myself at the notions kids have, and the idea that everything would be exactly the same as far as products go by that point in their lives & they think they'll be so fat after childbirth that they'll have to do something about it. I wasn't really overweight by more than a few poiunds until Rhi was 5 or so, so it definitely wasn't being pregnant that did it. I was relieved that they weren't worrying about it right now, since they were both skinny, it just struck me as funny.

A Resolution of Sorts

We're moving slowly past the whole mess of last week. While it didn't exactly go in our favor & we are now more in debt, at least we didn't lose any more money than we did. Our credit union let us take out a signature loan for the amount of the money orders, so that we could pay the money back to them. It ended up coming out of our savings account, which was a relief, as they started hitting on Troy's payday & we would have lost his check & not been able to take care of our living expenses if it had come out of that account.

I did have a few days last week that I wasn't able to eat, which I guess, in the long run, won't hurt, but over an extended period isn't good for weight loss nor is it healthy. I've been losing nicely & walking every day, so keeping track of what I eat & making sure it's the right amount has been important to me. I was asked the other day if I was taking something like Lipovox, but I'm not, just being active & watching what I eat. I'm just hoping the stress is done for now.

Erin is gone. He left for Colorado the day before yesterday & plans to visit with Garrett for a bit before he heads down to New Mexico for the next few weeks. I hope he stays safe & has a good time, I always worry about him when he goes on his little adventures, but I know it won't help anything or make him any safer.

Rhi is trying to join the National Guard, but is very nervous about taking the ASVAB today, so who knows if she'll follow through or not. I hope she does, she needs a little hope in her life right now & being able to sign up would do that for her. She'd have insurance during basic & AIT at any rate, and be earning money & taking care of herself for the most part. I just hope she doesn't let fear control her this time.

So, that's about all that's going on right now, as far as the kids.

Stress Overload

There are just things that happen in our lives that we would never have foreseen, you know? I thought we were pretty up on the latest scams & good at listening to our guts when we encounter a job or something else, but I'm telling you, I had an epic fail this week. An expensive epic fail.

I mentioned last week that Rhi had a job, well, it sounded 100% legitimate when she approached me with it, she sent me the email, I read it, no alarms went off in my head. She was being hired to be a "mystery shopper." She did her first job, which consisted of her cashing 3 moneygram money orders, taking her commission out of the money & then wiring the rest to another mystery shopper, who's address they provided. She was supposed to review the whole experience, from how long it took, to what the customer service was like. It sounded legit. She has no bank account, so I had to use mine to cash them.

She got an identical job this week, but the money orders were larger. The alarms instantly started going off, for all of us, then later yesterday, we found out that the money orders were counterfeit & that we're now liable for over 2k. As most of you know, if you've been reading here for very long, money isn't at a surplus for us, and that most of the time, we struggle just to get everything paid.

Now I worry that we'll end up losing everything over this, that we won't be able to pay the rent or the bills. The stress is killing us. We're trying to borrow the money from my inlaws, but haven't heard anything. If they can't loan it to us, we're hoping the bank will help us. This is just not how I wanted to spent the next few weeks, worrying, getting sick & stressing out. I'm so sad now.

Mellow Times

Things with the kids seem to have mellowed out considerably since the last time I posted. Erin is still rarely here, but I've stopped worrying so much & realized that he leaves me visual clues to tell me that he's here. If he comes home at night, he hangs his hoodie on the hooks by the door, or leaves his shoes where I can see them the next morning. He really does hate to worry me & tries to go out of his way to make sure I don't & I truly appreciate that.

Rhi is out of meds as of today, but she's finally working & gets paid by the job. She has another job tomorrow & should be able to pay for her prescriptions on her own. She, too, was trying to help me not worry about her well-being. She can do it as long asthat's the first thing she does after getting paid. She can do really well with this job if she saves her money & doesn't blow it all, her commission is quite nice, especially in light of the fact that she does very little actual work as far as time spent goes. She got to go up to Salt Lake City this past week for a couple of days with her best friend, Caela & they had a ball! She got to go ice skating & shopping, out to eat and all of that fun stuff. She bought a paid of neon yellow & black plaid pants that she loves & even put bright colors in her hair again. I did have to go pick her up last night from the movies, they went to see "Drag me to Hell," and it was just too much for her. I didn't mind & no one should have to sit through a movie they aren't enjoying.

We have a friend (of sorts) who's pregnant. She's currently living with her husband on his truck (he's a truck-driver) because she & his ex-wife got into an argument & she isn't allowed in the house anymore. Apparently, he goes inside & just leaves his wife out in the truck, which I don't agree with, but it isn't really my business. I guess they're moving back to the Carolinas soon, I'm not sure if they'll be looking for Wilmington NC real estate or something similar or going back to South Carolina where her parents are, but I wish them the best of luck, moving out here wasn't the best choice for their marriage, honestly.

Worry

I can tell that it's summer around here, I haven't really seen Erin for two days & until I got up this morning & noticed his jacket was gone I was worried that something had happened to him. I hate to think the worst of him, you know, but sometimes when we haven't heard from him, I start to worry that he's dead in his room, and while that fear acts like the best appetite suppressant on the market, it's just not healthy for me to have to think that way. I'm just hoping, that since he's started to talk about wanting to go to college, that he'll start to find himself & get back on track. He's a great person, I just wish he could see that. He gets bored so easily & as soon as that happens he's game to try & do almost anything to end the boredom & that really scares me.

Rhi is being pretty quiet these days, too. I'm not sure if it's because she's still mad at us, or if she's up to things she doesn't want us to know about or if she's depressed again. Any of those things could very well be true, as she acts the same way in each of those cases, it could be a combination of them, too. I know she's out of her meds, unless someone else paid for them for her, so I worry about that, too.

It feels like it's going to be anothe summer of stress & worry about my kids. I hope it won't be & they get their stuff together & start to meet their potential. I only want them to be happy & successful in whatever they choose to be & do. I don't push them, I don't pry into their lives, but at the same time, I don't want them to fail at life, either. So, I guess we'll see what the coming months have to offer for all of us.

Realistic or Just Cynical

The last time I posted on a Monday, I talked about how becoming a parent changed who I was forever, which is very true. There are times when I wonder if the change was for the better, though. Until a few years ago, in my mind anything my kids did was because they were still growing, maturing & learning & they didn't mean the things they said or what they did.

I no longer believe that.

Over the past two or three years I've come to accept that whatever my daughter says to me, no matter how much she apologizes later, is the truth as she sees it & that she definitely means it. She can put it down to having a bad day or forgetting to take her meds, but I know that she does hate me & everything to do with me. I know that no matter what I do or say to try to change that, I can't. I also know that after the past weekend, I won't be giving her anymore birthday parties or inviting her to go away with us anywhere.

I'm not sure if this latest change makes me a realist or just cynical, but it sure has helped me deal with my own guilt that our relationship is perfect, or even, most of the time, comfortable. Currently I don't trust her at all & that's really sad to say about your own child, but it's so true.

Manic Monday

Play along!

If you could completely redecorate any room in your house at no expense to you, what room would you choose? The kitchen, without a doubt.I hate that room more than any other in this place.

Which hour of the day do you feel goes the slowest? The one right before whatever time it is that we're leaving to go somewhere.

If your birthday could be in a different month of the year, when would you have it? Sometime in the late spring or early summer, so I could have an outside party or something. I hate it being in January.

Camping Time!

Vacations with your kids don't have to be expensive to be memorable to them. You don't have to take them to the latest & greatest them park, or a resort with 5 swimming pools or even travel very far at all. You can look for mid-week deals on hotels that are fairly close by & take a few mini-vacations during the summer, you can go camping at a nearby campground or take a few day trips to museums & attractions that are in towns close to you.

We haven't had very many "real vacations" during the past 18 years, or at least what a lot of people would call real vacations, our kids have never been to Disneyland, Universal Studios or even summer camp or any type, but we have had a lot of camping trips with them, we took a 3 or 4-day trip to Las Vegas & paid mid-week rates (Las Vegas in a 2 1/2 hour drive for us) on our room. They don't feel like they missed anything by taking simple vacations, and neither do I, since they were the same type I grew up on.

Even now that our kids are grown, we still look forward to the warm months & camping season, and often look for occasions to celebrate as an excuse to take off for the weekend. We just got back from a camping trip to celebrate Rhi's 19th birthday (which is a whole other story on it's own) and have already started planning the next trip, which will, hopefully be a lot less drama filled.

So, instead of going into debt to give your kids the "vacation of a lifetime," why not plan a weekend camping trip to celebrate their soccer trophies instead? It will be just as memorable to them, cost you less money & you'll actually get to spend more quality time together as a family. Yes, it's dirty & a lot more messy than other options, but honestly, that what showers are for.

Unconcious Mutterings

Play along!

1. Vex :: Irk
   
2. Relapse :: Backslide
   
3. Twinkle :: Star
   
4. Crawls :: Baby
   
5. Optimistic moment :: Aha!
   
6. Cage :: Fight
   
7. Superwoman :: Batgirl
   
8. Personal :: Private
   
9. Vapor :: Vicks
   
10. Grocery store :: Pay day
    

Wow.

That was a much longer break than I had intended. I got all of my computer issues situated finally, I think. *knocks on wood* Now I can concentrate on blogging & getting ready for summer & faire.

There isn't a lot going on with the kids right now, Erin isn't around much, but that's becoming fairly normal. He went camping last week with a family from the tribe & said he had a great time, which is always good. He got a notice in the mail the other day saying that his drivers' license had been suspended indefinitely due to his minor consumption conviction (he doesn't even have a DL), which amused all of us a little bit. He goes to court again a week from today for an arraignment, and I'm hoping this will be the last series of court dates he's dealing with, although I seriously doubt it.

Rhi had two interviews yesterday & felt pretty good about both of them, so hopefully, she'll get one of the jobs. She really needs something so she can pay for her medication & start saving to get out on her own again. She's having a dilemma in her love life right now, where she isn't sure she wants to stay with the guy she's with or start something new with a guy she has a crush on. I have my own opinions on the situation, but won't say, since it isn't my life or my heart, but I hope she figures it out pretty soon & stops tormenting herself.

We're taking Rhi, her best friend & her boyfriend camping this weekend to celebrate her birthday (which was the 7th), Dawn, Jason & her kids are coming with us, so it should be a pretty fun time. I intend to take my books & just enjoy myself & relax for awhile.

There is another huge thing going on in my life right now, but I'll keep it to mysef until we can actually get it going & it gets approved, before I risk the opinion of the world at large. Let's just say that my life will change entirely if it all works out.

Friday.. Funday?

It probably won't be all that fun, honestly. It's grocery shopping day, which always wears me out, especially since I just went with Dawn last night to help her take care of her own.

I finally got Rhi's birthday gift ordered - a day after her birthday. That's okay, she knew it was going to be late & actually knows what it is, so it's no big surprise or anything. We're taking her camping next weekend for her "party," and that's kind of part of her gift, too.

Erin is camping this weekend with some people that we know, although it beats me as to why they invited him. It's not like they spend time with him or anything, or have even seem him for months, but whatever.

The furkids are all well, Tiny is still excited to get outside every day & "guard the neighborhood." She won't let me do anything else until I take her out. The cats go crazy for the first 2 hours I'm out here & then they sleep for most of the day, it's pretty funny to watch.

Anyway, I need to wake Troy & get groceries.

Wow.

Yesterday completely went to waste. I tried to print some things, the printer wasn't working on my computer & Troy spent the rest of the day trying to fix it. I decided a few days ago that I was going to do all of my typing on my desktop, because my laptop's stupid touchpad is too sensitive & makes workig on it impossible, so no typing at all yesterday.

So, anyway, here I am, back on Tuesday. We're still trying to figure out a way to pay for Rhi's meds, since she turns 19 in two days & has no insurance. I went through all of major drugstore's web sites today, lookig at their $4 drugs, and the dosage she takes of fluoextine (generic for Prozac) isn't listed anywhere, the generic for her Depakote isn't on anyone's list & apparently Walgreens discoutinued their $4 plan & opted for one you have to pay for.

So we still have no idea what to do about it. I'm not going to worry about her birth control, I don't feel like that should be my responsibility anymore, as much as I love her & don't think she should have children, it should be her job to make sure it doesn't happen, not mine.

Erin goes to court in a couple of weeks & we'll see what happens then. I'm sure it'll just be him pleading not guilty & asking for a lawyer, I can't see anything else happening. I honestly wishe he'd just stay out of trouble before he ends up in jail.