One Year

One year ago, today, my grandma died. After today, all of those hard firsts are over. I'm not going to lie & say we were close, because we weren't, she wouldn't allow it. She was close to my oldest brother, because he was a boy & he was the first. She always wanted a son, but was only ever able to have one child & that was my mom, so Steve was her answered prayer, I guess.

I do have some good memories of her & of course, some not-so-good ones, too. She was typical, in that the gifts that came from her were always what she thought you needed & rarely what you really wanted, although, one year, she got Steve & I each a huge Summer Sausage for Christmas & wrapped them up.. there were some pretty funny looks from both of us when we were handed those!

There was the time she was trying to lure our escaped pig back to her pen & ended up being chased all the way up the driveway, with the pig snapping at her rear end all the way. That was one of the funniest sites I've ever seen in my life.

She believed that "vacations" were for visiting family, for the most part & used to laugh at Troy & I when we'd take our little mini Vegas vacations, to spend a night or two away from the kids & work on our marriage, but she thought it was pretty terrific when we were able to go on a Caribbean cruise with some friends one fall. Honestly, what family were we really going to go visit without having to drive 12-14 hours, get a hotel for several days & then drive back again? It was just cheaper for us to go to Vegas, really & no drama while we were there.

But, anyway, I miss my grandma, more than I ever thought I would. She hadn't been herself for years, Alzheimer's takes away the person you knew long before they die, so I figured I had dealt with the missing her part of it all. I was wrong & I still have questions that will never be answered, because she was just about the only person who could have & she probably wouldn't have. She'd have felt that it was none of my business & she's probably right.