Rhi got up on time this morning, took her shower & then came out to the living room with wet hair asking me to see if she was running a fever or not. That's usually a pretty bad sign, since the girl loves school. She said she nearly passed out in the shower, so I told her to go back to bed & that we'd call the school & have her excused, then we all went back to bed. Troy & I woke up after 10 & I woke Rhi up at around 2 to see if she was planning to go to work.

I took Rhi to work, then I took Alisha to meet her mom & then Troy, Erin & I went to Walmart to pick up some stuff we'd run out of & some more yarn so I can make a scarf for Troy (I finished my mom's last night) & one for my grandma for Christmas. Troy's isn't a gift, he just needs something to help keep him warm at work.

Its not quite as cold today, although it started out at zero this morning. I can definitely feel the ankle I broke last spring though. It wakes me up from a dead sleep, wanting to scream - its frustrating becaues I can't do anything about it but wait for it to stop.

I'm so glad that tomorrow is Friday & I can sleep in on Saturday - Rhi's work schedule is wearing us all out.

My Mood:
My Weather:

Why do the members of my family insist on leaving things in the microwave, after it beeps & then ignore the following reminder beeps, when they know that I cannot handle repetitive noises? Do they mistakenly believe that I'll get up & get it for them? Or that I'll go postal & kill them all?

Rhi is chatting with me on Yahoo from school. She keeps talking about how tired & miserable she's feeling. I'm pretty sure she's waiting for me to suggest calling into work sick, but that's her call, not mine - so I'm not doing it.

My car is in the shop today. A couple of weeks ago it stopped releasing the key when you'd shut the car off & I've been having to use the emergency release to get them out. We took it in last week, but a part was needed, so it had to be ordered & then we had to have a day when I would still have a car for taking Rhi to & from school & work.

Its frigidly cold today. The wind is like ice. I think I've figured out the dizziness, based on the fact that my ear was hurting like crazy last night :( I'm sooooo tired today.

My Mood:
My Weather: &

I've been dizzy since early Sunday morning & I'm getting quite tired of it. I have no idea why its happening, I just want it to stop.

Its still trying to snow & has managed a few flakes here & there, but no "big storm" like what has been forecast. Not that I'm complaining. It has, however, been bitterly cold & windy. And gray & gloomy.

I'm really making slow progress on decorating the house for Christmas, but I figure I'll have it done before the 1st, so that's all that matters. Maybe Troy will help me on his weekend.

Yeah, I know, this is a super-boring entry. Not that much is going on today. I'm making a scarf for my mom, my ankle hurts, I'm dizzy & its cold. Wow.

My Mood:
My Weather: &

The rest of my long weekend went fairly well. Dinner Saturday was good, the company was even better, especially since Kara & her brats went home early and I actually got to talk to Jason a little bit. We ended up going home early, mostly because Troy was grumpy, but I'm over it now.

Rhi was depressed again last night & cried herself to sleep. She convinces herself that she'll never have another boyfriend & then comes to me for reassurance, but she won't take it fromme. She argues her viewpoint & insists that she's right, so I never know what to say after that. She figures she's "looked for someone" for 2 months & since she hasn't found them, there's no one in the world for her. Lord, she's 16 & hasn't found her lifemate yet. In 2 whole months of looking. (of which she's spent the majority being terrified she'll get hurt again & making excuses as to why she can't like anyone that she likes) *rolls eyes*

Erin (supposedly) wants me to take him to Walmart today so he can apply. We'll see how that works out, since it involves actually dragging his ass out of bed, showering & leaving the house. I guess Alisha will probably be going with us, since he made plans with her after he forgot that he was planning to go & apply today. This means that she'll probably have a sudden need to apply too, and likely destroy Erin's prospects of getting hired, because it'll start up again (they do this thing where they insist on being hired at the same place & then start thinking they can sue if it doesn't happen).

We have a big snow storm on the way in, I'm happy that I got all of our decorations out of storage on Saturday, I just wish I didn't have to get out & drive in it as much as I'll have to.\

My Mood:
My Weather: &

Thanksgiving went surprisingly well. My brother & SIL behaved themselves. My youngest niece is as annoying as always, every holiday she seems to develop some new, even more bratty habit. This time it was tattling every time Troy or my dad looked at her and a lot of whining. But yeah. They left pretty early, they were probably wanting a beer or ten & couldn't wait any longer.

We had to go out to the store yesterday, as usual, because our payday always falls on the Friday after Thanksgiving, but it wasn't too terribly bad, we pretty much stuck to the grocery side. We did get a great deal on a new Hoover vacuum & some movies, though.

We hung out with Dawn & Jason last night & then Dawn & I took Rhi & Morgan to Walmart & browsed around awhile. I got some polar fleece to make some bootie-type slippers for me & Troy & Rhi bought a kimono pattern & fabric to make it. Before Rhi got there & while we were waiting for Troy & Ryan to get back with dinner, Rhi's ex stopped by, for some unknown reason. He claimed it was to see how everyone was doing, since he hadn't "seen us in awhile." So we just kind of talked about what he'd been up to, what the other high school kids had been up to & so on until he said he was going to go get coffee. Then he said he was going to go to dinner with his friends because he'd been stood up by his date or something. When he walked out, Dawn & I looked at each other & said "WTF was that?"

So that has been my holiday weekend so far. Tonight is our dinner with our friends. I'll be roasting a turkey & taking a few side dishes (most of which I've already dropped off). We're also going to put up our Christmas tree today, but I think I'll wait on the presents until I can be here to keep an eye on the animals. I'll have to train Kaji to stay out of the tree over the next few days, which will suck. (hopefully next year, we won't have a kitten & I won't have to)

My Mood:
My Weather:

If you'd like to exchange Christmas cards with me, please leave me a comment including your email address. I'll get back to you with my address & to get yours. :)

Happy Thanksgiving! I slept really late today, because everytime I woke up my head was pounding, so I kept thinking if I slept long enough it would eventually stop (sometimes I get them if I haven't had enough sleep), but it never did. So, I'm waiting fort he ibuprofen to kick in, after that I'll get my green bean casserole ready to go in the oven. Then I guess I'll shower & get myself ready to go. I'm not really looking forward to being around my brother & his wife, but I can't avoid them forever, I guess.

I am looking forward to our dinner with our friends on Saturday, though. I REALLY hope Kara's kids are still with their dad, though. I doubt it, but, it'd sure be nice not to have to deal with them. (but at the same time, maybe she'll leave early to go home if they are back)

I'm hoping I have enough energy after we go to dinner to come back home & vacuum & such so the living room will be ready for decorating tomorrow. I'm not counting on it, I'll probably want to veg out in front of the TV or computer more than anything else.

My Mood:
My Weather:

If you'd like to exchange Christmas cards with me this year, please a comment with your email address so that I can get back to you to share addresses.

I'm not feeling good today. I'm headachey, somewhat nauseated and just all around not good. I really wish I could, just for once, start the holiday season well. I'm guessing that isn't going to happen this year. That's ok, I'm still looking forward to it & have so much more holiday spirit than I did last year. It could be because Ryan's home, or that I've healedfrom the bad Christmas a couple of years oago, or whatever. I don't care, I'm just happy.

Today is Rhi's last day of school until Monday, and her last work day is tomorrow, so maybe we can catch up on our sleep over the weekend. She's super-excited about her first payday tomorrow. This will be the most money she's ever had at one time. Erin's getting ready to apply at Walmart, so hopefully he'll get hired there.

My Mood:
My Weather:

We had such a good time yesterday. The kids & I went out & played Airsoft with a bunch of their friends. We were out for quite a long time & played several rounds. I fell down & broke part of my gun, though. I didn't get hurt, but my foot cramped right after I hit the ground & it made everyone think I was hurt. Then we came home, Rhi left to hang out with Wade, Erin left to go to Denny's with Jordan, Alex & Sam & I cooked some dinner for me & Troy & watched Dexter. That was pretty much my day.

1.Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? I like them both, but I probably like Hot Chocolate more, with whipped cream.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree? Santa only fills stockings around here these days, but when he used to bring gifts, they were wrapped, in special paper.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Depends on my theme of the year.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Some years I do, some years I don't.

5. When do you put up your decorations? The weekend after Thanksgiving, usually.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Ham.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? The time Santa & his elf burst into our house on Christmas Eve & shocked all of us. Someone had hired him for a party to surprise the kids & he had the wrong address, it was pretty funny.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I was about 8 when I figured it out, but I waited until I was 10 to tell anyone I knew.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? When I was a kid we opened everthing on Christmas Eve. If there are gifts for us at my parents' house, we open them on Christmas Eve, but here, at home, we wait until Christmas.

10. What kind of decorations are on your Christmas Tree? An assortment of things we've collected over the years.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread? I hate snow, but love it on Christmas morning.

12. Can you ice skate? Why yes, I can. I took lessons for a year or so. I took roller skating lessons to - figure skating even.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? The Steiff teddy bear my brother got me when I was 10. I still have her.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Being with my family & friends.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Pumpkin Mousse.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? The Yule/Christmas party we have with our friends. It used to be Christmas Eve at my parents house, but something happened a couple of years ago that changed that.

17. What tops your tree? Usually an angel, sometimes a Santa.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? I love them both.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Silent Night.

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yummy? They're ok.

My Mood:
My Weather:

Sorry for the lack of posts, I got busy & it just didn't seem that I had that much to say that wasn't complaining about Erin, so I just didn't post. We got into a fairly large argument with him yesterday, which ended up with him telling us that he feels like life has no meaning & he has no idea who he is on his own and so on. Today there was another one & he finally admitted he needed help & asked me to make him an appointment with a therapist. So, hopefully he can start to get his life back on track.

I'm really looking forward to Christmas this year, I don't know why, but I'm enjoying it. I really can't wait to get the house decorated & get the gifts under it, start my baking and all.

So.. anyway.. if any of you would like to exchange Christmas cards with me, please leave me a comment & I'll get back to you for your address & with my own.

We had a lot of fun last night. We went to eat at La Fiesta, sat around laughing & visiting and just enjoying each others' company for awhile. Then we left there & went to the convenience store that Vicki's little brother, Glen, works at & harassed him for a few minutes. Then we went to Walmart & window shopped for a couple of hours or so. We all got matching Christmas shirts (Be Naughty - Save Santa a Trip) & I got Rhi a new lanyard for her work badge. Dawn bought a really cute little Eeyore purse.

My packages from Old Navy came by UPS last night while I was out & I've spent the morning wrapping gifts. I haven't decided if I'm going to wrap my own or make Troy do it. I should at last, show him what he got me *L* Everything else has been shipped as of today, so the waiting on that starts. At least it gives me time between shipments to rest from the wrapping! I'm not 100% finished, I have to get something for my 9 year old niece (anyone have a clue what kids that age are into these days?), some games for Troy, a big gift for Erin & something for Vicki's two little ones.

Troy's working an 8 hour shift today, which is fine, overtime is always welcome, especially at this time of year. He won't get to see Rhi before she goes to work & he didn't see her before he left, either. Hopefully he'll be awake when I go pick her up tonight, so he can see her for a couple of minutes anyway. We found out yesterday that she has a 4 day weekend off of work for Thanksgiving, which I think she's really looking forward to. She gets her first paycheck the day before & I KNOW she can't wait for that. Her physiology class that she was taking in January was cancelled & she wants to take a study hall instead, so that'll give her extra time to finish homework.

My Mood:
My Weather:

My mom decided that she would be hosting the family Thanksgiving, after all. I went out today & bought the turkey for our dinner with friends & stuff to make side dishes with for the family. We looked at pre-lit Christmas trees & considered our options. I was very tempted by the DaVinci Code gift set.. I want a cryptex so bad.

Rhi had a really good night at work, she said it didn't even seem like it'd been 8 hours when she was finished. She spoke to a boy that hurt her feelings really badly a few years ago & let the past go. She is training with someone she goes to school with & they've started talking to each other. She thinks that getting through these 6 weeks won't be too terrible. I'll probably be worn out with only getting 6 hours of sleep 5 days a week, but we'll manage.

Tonight, Dawn, Vicki & I are going out to dinner together & maybe a little window shopping, too. We all need it & are all looking forward to it. We each live very different lives: Vicki is in her mid-20's with 2 kids under 5, works as a CNA at the hospital (in the maternity ward) & goes to college full-time. Dawn is a single mom in her mid-30's with a pregnant 17 year old daughter, and 2 other teens at home, she works full-time delivering, picking up & maintaining porta-potties. And then there's me, in my early 40's with 2/3 of my kids grown & a stay-at-home mom. Those are my best girlfriends in this town, I have one more, but she lives halfway across the country.

So, that's my excitement for the day.

My Mood:
My Weather:

Rhi had a good first day at work. She only worked until 8:30 or so, because last night was just orientation, but she said she liked all of the people she's training with & had already met & started talking to another girl that she might be friends with eventually. She was looking forward to actually beginning the training part tonight.

Erin didn't go to sleep last night, but was up when we got up. He grabbed some applications from me earlier, but I think he must have finally gone to sleep, because I haven't seen him since. It was partially my fault he overslept yesterday, I forgot that he didn't have a clock in there, so he kept waking up, thinking it was much earlier because I hadn't woken him up.

There really isn't much else going on today.

My Mood:
My Weather: &

I'm getting really sick of waking up feeling like garbage. I just wish I could get up, just one day & feel normal again. It seems like it takes half the day to get my head to stop hurting & by then, I'm so worn out from being in pain all day that I have no energy for anything else. I have no idea what I'm sick with, but I need to get over it.

Rhi starts work this afternoon. She seems pretty excited about it, and about the money she'll be earning, too (she's making $8.50/hour). I know she's going to be really tired every night when she gets done & the next six weeks of training will probably wear her out, but if she can get through them, she should be fine.

Erin was supposed to get up this morning and start looking for work, but I doubt he spent any time looking for his wallet yesterday, and since his social security card is in there & he hasn't ever bothered to memorize the number, he can't finish any applications. (not that he's even out of bed) I know he was up past 3, because I got up to use the bathroom & his light was still on. I think he just doesn't care that he is expected to start paying us rent to live here. I think he just figures we'll keep letting him live here regardless. I'm really torn about what to do, and it hurts me to have to be even thinking about this sort of decision, but he's known for years that if he was out of high school & not going to college, he had to pay rent to keep living with us. He claimed, last spring, that we never told him that, Rhi stared at him like he was nuts & said, "Yes, they did Erin. They've told us both that, for years."

Anyway, I need to get back to Christmas shopping.

My Mood:
My Weather: &

I did a buttload of Christmas shopping yesterday (all online, of course). I shopped for all of us & it may not end up being a very exciting Christmas, but at least we'll all have stuff to open. I still have some stuff to buy, and kids outside the immediate family to shop for, but it'll get done.

I think I'm going to try to get motivated enough to get the dishes done today & sweep the kitchen. Tomorrow I want to start on the living room again, so I can get it done & arranged & ready for the holidays. I'm thinking we probably won't do much for Thanksgiving, since my mom doesn't seem that interested in doing it this year & Rhi will have to be at work at 3:30 anyway. We may just wait until we have our annual dinner with our friends.

I'm going to tell Erin today that starting tomorrow he needs to be out looking for work. I've given him a week to get settled & start to recover from the breakup with Alisha & all of that, now he needs to get started on working again. Its probably going to piss him off, but he can't just not work. Its hard enough for us right now & its going to get worse come January when Troy loses all of his overtime & shift differential for 3 months.

When I started this, I was still the only person in my house that was awake (other than Troy, who left for work hours ago). One of Rhi's friends came by & I woke her up, now she's showering & getting ready to leave with her. Erin probably won't be up for a long time still. Well, as soon as my head stops hurting & the ibu starts working, I'm going to start on my dishes.

My Mood:
My Weather: &

We had a pretty awesome day yesterday. We went & got our flu shots, which only took about 10 minutes (last year I had to go back on a different day to get mine), so we got that done & came back home, sat around for about an hour & Dawn called, asking us if we wanted to meet her & Davy for lunch at the Chinese buffet when they were done with work. So I woke up Erin, told him what we were planning & invited him (but he wasn't interested at the time) and waited for Dawn to call me back.

As we were leaving, Erin decided he wasn't hngry, but wanted our company & went with us. We ate way too much & spent a lot of time laughing, visiting & enjoying each other's company. We came home, I left to get Rhi, came back home & we played The Specialists until it was time to go to Dawn's for gaming. We never got around to gaming, but it was an ok night & I tried really hard to get along with the friend's girlfriend & not cause problems for him.

I'm having a PJ day today. I'm tired, headachey & just flat out lazy, so I got up, put clean PJs on & decided I wasn't going anywhere unless I was forced to. Its cold & gray outside today & it looks like a storm is coming in.

My Mood:
My Weather:

I didn't get a chance to post yesterday, we ended up getting Troy's check a day early & went & bought groceries & such, then we came home & ate & put things away, then I went running around with Rhi. Last night, Troy & I spent several hours playing a Half Life mod with Erin.

Rhi got the job and starts her training on Monday, at 3:30. I went & got a lunch bag for her & an ice pack thing, so she'll be able to take dinner with her. Now, if we can just get Erin motivated to get out of bed before 2 everyday & look for one himself, everything would be dandy.

Anyhow, gotta go & get my flu shot now. I may be back to post something else.

I'm not sure if I'm still feeling crappy from being sick or if its due to a lack of sleep, either way, all I really want is to go back to bed. Rhi & I got into a huge argument last night, about whether she could hold a full-time jb & go to school every day, while still keeping her grades up. It seems that there in no middle ground between 8 hours a day & 2 hours a day to her. She has an interview today at 3:30. If she gets this job, she'll have to work 40 hours a week for the next 6 weeks to finish her training.. while going to school every day. Her shift will start at 3:30 & end at Midnight. She gets up for school at 6am, eats breakfast at school at around 7:30am, eats lunch at 10:50am.. I'm concerned that she won't come home & pick up food after school, and she gets sick if her blood sugar drops too low, she also gets very angry. I'm concerned that she won't get enough rest & that her grades will fall, but I also feel like she has a right to try. She wasn't very interested in hearing my concerns or in trying to reassure me, she just wanted to give up. We finally got that settled & I finally got her to listen to me, and we went to bed.

She got up late this morning, was stressed out because of that, couldn't find her keys & knew that I don't have enough gas to drive her, so she was slamming doors, kicking things, yelling & cursing. Whixh of course bled out onto me & we ended up in another argument that lasted until well after she started 1st hour (we were texting through part of it). She's apparently feeling depressed because he friends don't want to get out & do the things she wants to & just want to sit around and talk or walk around & talk (so she claims they don't want to be around her & that it makes her feel worthless). In actuality, she's just decided that its easier to be the angry, scowling Rhi, that everyone is intimidated by, than it is to be the smiling, nice Rhi that might get hurt if she lets anyone get close. I've decided that the fight just isn't worth it anymore. If she wants to be angry, miserable and alone, I guess that's her choice. I can't change it, I've been trying for years.

Anyway, I have stew cooking in the crock pot, Troy's weekend starts today, the weather is beautiful so I'm just gonna go with the positives & get through the day.

My Mood:
My Weather:

You are the World

Completion, Good Reward.

The World is the final card of the Major Arcana, and as such represents saturnian energies, time, and completion.

The World card pictures a dancer in a Yoni (sometimes made of laurel leaves). The Yoni symbolizes the great Mother, the cervix through which everything is born, and also the doorway to the next life after death. It is indicative of a complete circle. Everything is finally coming together, successfully and at last. You will get that Ph.D. you've been working for years to complete, graduate at long last, marry after a long engagement, or finish that huge project. This card is not for little ends, but for big ones, important ones, ones that come with well earned cheers and acknowledgements. Your hard work, knowledge, wisdom, patience, etc, will absolutely pay-off; you've done everything right.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

The people who know me in real life & know what's going will know what & who this is about, the rest of you probably don't need to know.

I have a friend that I love dearly. He's like a brother to me & definitely in my "best friends" category. He recently got a girlfriend & I accepted her & welcomed her into the group the fist time I met her. Not so much because I adored her or anything, but because she really seemed to like him & I was so flipping happy that he finally had someone, I'd have accepted anyone at that point.

It quickly became apparent that she really didn't like me. At all. She started telling me how I could talk around other people's kids, making snide comments about my parenting, about my kids and sarcastic comments about how much she had "missed" me. More recently, she's started in on how I speak to her "precious little angels" & slamming my parenting behind my back (to my best friend's daughter).

I've played nice. I've kept my mouth shut. I've even tried desperately to watch my mouth in front of her brats. I kept the peace because I love my friend & want him to be happy, even though I see & feel bad things coming for him as a result of her.

I think what infuriates me the most is that she claims to be a better parent than Troy & I are. Why? I'm not sure, since she's only met one of my three children & really knows nothing about how they were raised. She knows that I have no problems with Rhi swearing or speaking her mind. She knows that Erin was in foster care, but not why.

She doesn't know that my children never bossed adults around when they were toddlers, that they weren't allowed to throw tantrums (and didn't, for the most part), that they weren't allowed to swear, they weren't allowed hit, bite or push each other or other children, that they had to pick up the toys they played with at other peoples' houses before we left, that they were taught to respect adults, and to respect other peoples' property, that they were taught to share & to be gentle & to accept people for who they are.

All she knows is that I have never censored myself around my kids or expected other people to. I have never looked at another adult & said "If you ever say that to my kids I'm going to..." or lectured one about their choice of words or timing. If I didn't want my kids near something, I kept them away from it. If I caught them swearing as young children, I told them they weren't allowed to use adult language until they were old enough to use it correctly. There was never any subject that was forbidden to talk about in my home & there still isn't - they all feel free to talk to me about anything they need to & they know I'll listen to them & not be offended or shocked.

Erin was in foster care because his sperm donor beat the shit out of me & threatened to kill him when he was a month old & I did what I thought was the right thing & called the police. He was in there for 15 months because the sperm donor didn't care enough about him to finish the treatment plan that I finished twice in that time.

I didn't raise Garrett because he wasn't safe living in my home, because Erin's sperm donor wanted to kill him & told me the only reason he hadn't yet was because he didn't know what to do with the body or what to tell me. I knew it was only a matter of time until he figured those things out & sent Garrett to live with his father. I made the choice that was best for him - not the one that was best for me.

Apparently, all of these things make me a bad parent. Wait a minute - don't bad parents raise bad kids? Let me tell you about my "bad kids" for a few minutes:

Garrett was raised without a mom & without his dad half the time (because his dad was trying to make a living & had to take jobs where he could, so G got left with other family members at times), and out of the three, had the most potential to get into trouble. I'm sure he had his share of bad judgements, that's a part of growing up. He dropped out of high school, got his GED & started college at 17. He failed his drivers' test, so he paid someone to teach him to drive & passed his test. His grandma got sick, so he moved in with her to take care of her. He cares deeply for all of friends& family, me included. He's engaged to a woman he's been in love with for 3 years & loves her little girl, too. He's applied to a film school & I firmly believe that he WILL be a successful film-maker one of these days.

Erin, in spite of his rough start & hard early childhood years (he was diagnosed with ADD at 8) is an awesome young man. By the time he finished high school, everyone knew who he was & most of them spoke fondly of him. As soon as he was old enough to, he went out & got a job, paid all of his school fees his Senior year, paid for half of his Senior portait package & bought all of his own school clothes. He spent the last quarter of his Senior year working his ass off to get all of his credits in so he could graduate & that was a lot of work, since he had zero credit for his Freshman year (we homeschooled that year & they didn't give him credit - its a long story). It was frustrating & took all of his free time, but he did & his graduation day was one of his proudest. He's a wonderfully talented musician, a funny person, a caring, smart & tolerant man. He doesn't smoke, do drugs or drink

Rhi for a long time hated the world & didn't hesitate to show it, but that didn't ever change her loyalty to people she loves or her caring ways towards her family. Recently, she has stopped hating the world & smiles a lot more. She has a lot of friends. She has her drivers' license. She will very likely have a job by tomorrow. She's an honors student, she takes college courses & AP classes. She never misses school unless I make her stay home because she's too sick to move. Yes, she got into some trouble, because she's hard-headed. Being in trouble & being made to pay the consequences made her into a much better, more mature & responsible person, and she rarely complained about any of it. Oh, and she's still a virgin, doesn't smoke, do drugs or drink.

If bad parenting made children like that, I plan to be a bad grandparent, too.

Just as an aside, if the woman in question is reading this: I am exactly who I am, all the time. I'm not a different person for my kids or for my friends. They know this. I don't have a double standard for my own behavior, because I'm not ashamed of who I am. I don't have anything to hide from my children or from my friends. I don't care if you don't like me, don't approve of me & don't want me around. You don't get to decide. I'll keep being around as long as the majority of people in that house want me there. So, my thought is, if you are so scared that I'm a bad influence on your hellions, realize that I'm there every Friday & any Saturday that we have a party planned, if you don't want to be around me, don't be. (hey, sorry, its hard reality, but more of the people in that house want to be around me than want to be around you) If you choose to put yourself & your kids in that situation, then you're losing the right to bitch. Get over yourself. You're not the world's best mom. None of us are. You can live your life in fear or you can live free. Sometimes you have to decide what's more important, your kids or getting laid. You've lost any respect Rhi gave you in the past, so don't be shocked when she's rude to you - you talked shit about her parents. You've never met Erin, he's an adult & doesn't have to respect you, so don't expect it from him either - they're both very loyal to us.

And to that friend: Be pissed off at me if you want, but I didn't start this. If you think about it & put yourself in my shoes, you'll see that. I accepted her, I played nice, I have never told her what to do or say, I haven't publicly questioned her parenting skills, or her judgement. Until now. Until I found out what's been said by her, behind my back. I personally think you need to have a long conversation with your room-mates, because there are things they aren't happy about, too. Pussy is nice, and having a girlfriend probably rocks your world - but what is the final cost going to be? Think back on a few of the readings you've had in the past couple of years & that one card that kept popping up.. its here, man. I'm not going anywhere, I wouldn't be a friend if I did, but something has to change.

My Mood:
My Weather:

Boy, that weekend sure flew by. I guess that's what happens when you're busy every day. We got Erin all moved in, I'm not sure my car is entirely unloaded yet, but he's working on it. I guess he's supposed to go back over there at around 1 & help Alisha finish cleaning up. (although I think she should handle it herself, since she left the rest of it all to him)

Anyhow, I've started to wonder about something. Its something that I see here in the blogging world & real life, too. Why would anyone marry someone that they don't actually like? I hear people complaining all the time, about their spouse being off work & home & how horrible it is to have to "put up with" them during that time. I hear Troy telling me about guys at work, who constantly complain about their wives & having to spend time with them & do family-type things together. I just don't get why in the world you would choose to make a lifetime committment to a person that you don't even enjoy beign around. Why would you then have children with them? Did they like them in the beginning & then later on begin to despise them? If so, why do they stay with them? Do they think that's better for the kids? I'm not naive, I've been married before this one. I stopped caring about them, or they stopped caring for me & we ended it. I would never choose to spend the rest of my life living in the same house with someone that I wished would just leave me alone.

Troy is my best friend. He was my best friend before we got romantically involved. I love having him home & its hard for me to let him go back to work when his weekends or vacations are over. No, we don't get along every minute of every day. Yes, we get on each other's nerves. Yes, we argue. We also don't spend every minute that he's home together, but its great knowing he's here & available if I want to talk to him, or want company going somewhere. We have, for 15 years, gone grocery shopping together, every time we need to buy them. We have the same friends, we have the same hobbies, we spend A LOT of time together. Sometimes, the only thing that has kept us together as a couple is the fact that neither of us can stand the thought of losing our best friend. I know people get married & stay married to people they were never friends with. I know they get married for reasons other than love.. but why?

My Mood:
My Weather:

Rhi & Wade had a lot of fun at the dance last night. They had a fortune-telling booth at the dance & apparently had a lot of people come to it. Rhi dressed as a boy & Wade dressed as a girl & they both looked super-cute. (Sadie Hawkins here is also a costume dance). Rhi got to dance with a boy that she kind of likes & even got to teach him to slow dance and he seemed to enjoy it too. I've been encouraging her to stop worrying so much about having "boyfriends" and to focus on having fun, enjoying herself & enjoying high school. I think she's taking that to heart & not taking any of this too seriously. She handled this most recent breakup very maturely & they're still friends & still talk.

I'm feeling somewhat better today, my head still hurts really badly & I woke up feeling like crap, but it gotten better as the meds took hold & started doing their job. Now all we're worried about is whether Rhi & Erin will pop up with the chicken pox in the next few days or so, since Rhi was exposed when a little girl at our Halloween party was contagious & Erin's been around her. The scary thing is my best friend's pregnant daughter was also exposed. So, we're all kind of waiting around anxiously.

Erin has spent the day moving back in, since he has to be out by 5pm today. I helped him this morning and into the afternoon, right now he's over there with Alisha, finishing things up. We'll go help him load up when they're done. Its going to seem really strange to have ghim back - I just got used to him being gone.

My Mood:
My Weather:

Still not feeling great, but I am doing somewhat better today. The cough & runny nose are ever-present and are very annoying, and the headache is still plaguing me but I don't feel like I want to fall out anymore.

We went & played Airsoft with Erin & Rhi earlier today & had a lot of fun. It was very tiring for me & right now I'm fighting sleep. I have to stay awake because tonight is the Sadie Hawkins dance at Rhi's high school & she's going with her best friend, Wade. They both seem to be looking forward to it, although at this point, I'm kind of wondering where she is, since she went to Dawn's house & hasn't made it back yet & she has less than an hour before we have to leave now. (she just came in)

Erin is moving back in tomorrow, so I think I'm going to relax as much as possible tonight & get up fairly early & get started with helping him.

My Mood:
My Weather: &

I'm still not feeling great, although today I have a cold sore & my teeth ache on top of everything else. I feel like my body decided to go on strike or something. I sure hope I'm better by next Friday, because I need to go & get my flu shot then. I think I may stay home tonight & not go gaming, I don't want my friends getting this stuff - they all have jobs & can't afford to miss. (that & I doubt I'm gonna feel like going)

Sean dumped Rhi yesterday, after school. She said she was hurt for "about a minute" and then she was over it. I told her that it shows her it wasn't that important to her. I think they just were never able to cross the bridge from friends to a couple. He's under a lot of stress & having to worry about what will affect her was probably not what he needed right now, either. She did mention that he just had too much drama for her right now. She was kind of relieved & kind of excited that being single allowed her a chance to flirt a little more now.

Erin's room is finally ready for him to move into, it just needs to be vacuumed. He's a quieter, more introspective person than he was a few months a go when he was moving out. He seems to really be working harder on his relationship with Troy & Troy seems to be working harder, too. He should be moving in in a day or so, I would think, anyway.

Anyway, I need to get some food & fold some clothes.

My Mood:
My Weather:

Yeah, I forgot to post yesterday. I need to stop doing that.

I'm really not feeling well today. I can't stop coughing, my head is pounding, one nostril is stuffed up, the other is running like a freakin' river & my eyes are gunky & achey. Blech.

Erin & Alisha are apparently history. She started talking about moving back in with her mother about a week or so ago. Then it was talking about breaking up, because it would "be easier" to live in separate homes that way. Then she moved out & left him there, not knowing if they were breaking up or staying together until he felt he had to issue an ultimatum. She wasn't supposed to call him unless she was sure she wanted to make it work - she never called, so its over & he's trying to move on.

Rhi & Sean have an unusual relationship so far, but I imagine if things would ever work out for them, and they'd get to spend some time together it would get less unusual. He's going through a lot at home lately, I think his mom is having a hard time dealing with the thought that he'll be grown soon, even though he isn't her oldest & he's having a hard time dealing with her, plus his uncle keeps tempting him with moving to Texas.. so we're still in a kind of wait & see state. He's decided to stay twice, if he can just get past the next week until they go, he'll be fine, I think.

Other than that.. let's see. Oh. Tiny has learned how to get up on the bar & get to the cat food on the counter now. I keep getting visions of her strolling aound on my counters, getting into everything & knocking the rest down. She's not a small dog, she's the size of a Border Collie. I'll have to start feeding the cats during the day, when someone is in there watching to make sure she stays down, or the cats are going to starve.

Ok, time for more drugz.. have a great day!

My Mood:
My Weather: