Wednesday, October 01, 2008

I Might Be Giving Up

I remember a time when my brother liked to get out & do things. He always wanted to go hiking or camping. It seemed to be him that came up with all of the ideas for weekend excursions to this place or that, to look for artifacts from an old mine or arrowheads in the desert. That was after he'd finished drug rehab and moved here, to Utah, before he met his current wife. For awhile, even after they got married, we still had our annual family camping trip, which we did near the 4th of July, so that we could celebrate that holiday together.

I remember the last camping trip we took together. His wife started complaining after the first day that she was missing out on her soaps and by the afternoon of the 2nd day, they were griping to go home immediately. She made it sound like it was because she was going to miss all of that TV & she couldn't survive without knowing what was going on in her little fantasy world on whatever soap opera she was addicted to at the time. What it really was, was that they had run out of beer that morning.

Their marriage revolves around the drinking. It's the only thing they really seem to do anymore. They have an 11 year old daughter that has no concept of who her daddy really is, because I doubt she's ever seen him truly sober & I know her mother isn't ever sober, especially since she starts her mornings off with the beer that was left when they went to bed the night before. They come to family holiday meals, most of the time they bring their beer with them, they drink it all & then it's time to go home and yes, they drive after they've been drinking, with my niece in the car.

I'm starting to feel like I want to give up on him, especially since he isn't willing to go through alcohol rehab of any type. It breaks my heart to see him this way. It hurts my kids to remember their uncle, and the way he cared about them & played with them when they were really little, before they started calling him their "Drunkle." I keep caring because I love my niece & she needs someone, but I have started distancing myself from my brother & sister-in-law & I'll probably continue to. I can't watch him killing himself anymore. I just can't.

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