Strangeness

For many, many years I've had problems remembering my dreams. It was like I went to sleep & entered this black hold, with no thoughts, no dreams & no memories at all. That was just the way I was, and I was okay with that, I'd been that way since childhood, only remembering the strangest of the strange dreams, like gorillas trying to cram into a tiny, yellow VW bug or crocodiles chasing me down at curfew.

Lately, though, that's beginning to change, and I have to say, it's a little disconcerting. I'm not used to remembering trivial dreams that relive my everyday life, but sometimes with odd little twists, like me not being able to find the electric blanket after I take it out of the dryer (I don't own one!) or grilling with all of my friends, the old ones I left in Colorado & the ones I have here, who have never met each other.

Oh, I still have and remember the crazy dreams, and the nightmares seem to live on in my thoughts for days after I have them, but for me that too, is normal. I don't know why I'm suddenly remembering my dreams, is it because I'm sleeping better at night, or maybe I'm not sleeping as soundly? It started sometime this winter, as I was starting to come out of the haze of everything I had been sick with. I know that I wasn't remembering anything in the depths of it all, because I spent most of those nights in a fevered sweat of misery.

I like to sit here after I get out of bed in the morning & piece my dreams together, figuring out which parts of the previous day the pieces came from & which are completely silly & imaginary, and sometimes even those come from thoughts I had the day before. I think there will always be dreams that I can't explain & don't understand, but who really wants all of the answers to everything, all the time, anyway?