Sunday, February 20, 2011


It doesn't seem to matter how many times the man in my daughter's life breaks her heart, humiliates her, calls the cops on her or says horrible things about her in a public forum, she keeps going back to him. he'll stay away for a few days, swearing he's hurt her the last time, and she'll never go back, she's done with him and then a few days later, she's asking for rides to his side of town. She won't say that's where she's going, but I can always tell, because the contact with him starts again, the fighting on phone happens more frequently, she gets more & more closed off about where she's going & what she's doing and then her mood changes from just being a bit sad to being angry & defensive all the time again.

I don't understand it, I know I was messed up when I was younger & still with her donor, but I was ready to leave when Erin was taken away & would have if the judge in charge of my case hadn't told me I'd never get Erin back if I didn't stay with him. I've always thought that was the most asinine thing a judge could tell anyone, to stay with the man who just got arrested for beating me up, but I did what I had to, to get him back. If I hadn't stayed, there would be no Rhi, but I laid down the law after I lost Erin & tolerated very little from him, and it was me who ended it by kicking him to the curb & not letting him come back.

Why can't things ever be easy? Why can't we argue about whether she needs to be looking for the best diet pills or whether she's already too thin and needs to stay away from them? Why does it have to be this, all the time? I'm so tired of it.

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