I'm been pretty level these days, no serious ups or downs, highs or lows. I've managed to keep my hormones in check, so that they don't aggravate my emotions too much. I did have a rough time the other day, while we were holiday shopping. We were just about finished, after having spent an awful lot of money & were at Costco. I didn't have a very large list, but the things on it were important to me. I was focusing on things Troy had asked me to look for & hadn't finished my list when he came back, looked in the cart, and said, "What did you add? I hope we have enough to pay for all of this!" in a fairly snotty/angry tone. I immediately felt the tears start to come & told him I was done and just wanted to leave. I put back the one item I had added & told him we needed niacin & then we could go.
It was close to 5 or 6pm and we hadn't eaten since 10 that morning, we had been having a wonderful day & I just felt so hurt & betrayed. I didn't care about anything anymore. I gave up everything else that was on my list, some of which I had really been wanting & pretty much just put myself on auto-pilot to get out of the store & back on the road. I didn't want my Yule gift anymore. I didn't even want to be in the car at that point. I wanted to be at home, in my bed, in the dark, crying my eyes out.
We did get everything settled & Troy felt horrible for two days about it all & realized he should have worded things differently or just known that I knew what I was doing. It hurt, I took it hard, but we got through it. I have far fewer incidents like this these days. I can usually see them coming & head it off pretty quickly. This came out of the blue & I didn't see it coming fast enough; normally, I'd have just looked at him, made some smart-assed reply & went on about my business.
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