So Very Tired

I haven't had a full night's sleep in days & I'm exhausted. I have so much stuff rolling around in my head, all the time that it just won't let me rest. I need to sleep & I need to start eating more, which I also haven't been doing. Stress does horrible things to my body & I'm reaping that this week. I know I can't keep doing this for very much longer, I just can't. I need to find some gold bullion in the attic, I'm tellin' ya.

In other stuff, Rhi has a status hearing this afternoon, regarding the minor consumption ticket she got back in March. You'd think a charge like that would like it is in most places, where you pay the ticket & move on, especially between 18-21 years old, but no. She actually has to go to court, and go through a whole process to get past it, including a fine that is several hundred dollars. It's ridiculous.

I haven't really heard from Erin since faire, even though I think he tried to call me yesterday. I imagine that he'll try again & I won't miss it this time. Hopefully, at any rate.

Anyway, I'm really thinking about going & lying don to try to get a little more sleep, so I can get through this hearing with her later. Bleh.

Doing Better

Rhi & I have finally, after many years, reached a place where I can deal with her manic phases & not drive either of us more crazy. I was thinking too much like a man & trying to fix it every time she'd have one & that wasn't helping either one of us, so now I just let her rant & rave & vent & do her thing & know that when she's done, everything will be fine. We've done a lot of talking this past week & it's nice that she's starting to rely on me again & feels like she can trust me, it's been a long time since we've had that type of relationship.

In other news, the camping trip was pretty fantastic & we already have the next one planned & I can't wait to go. I love being up there on the mountain, away from the world, with no distractions & the freedom to do whatever we want to. I would say we leave the modern conveniences behind, but that would be a flat-out lie, since this last time we had a laptop, 2 netbooks, 3 mp3 players & a generator, but for most of us, that's so we have music to listen to all weekend long. The only radio station we can get up there is the Top 40 one & you can only hear so much Lady GaGa in a weekend before your ears start bleeding.

Our next trip will only be for the actual weekend, at least for us, but it'll be just as good, because any time you sped with good friends is a good time. We have one more coming up in September to celebrate Morgan & Troy's birthdays, but we're going somewhere different because it'll be too cold on the mountain by then. Next summer, we have some big plans for Lake Powell & I'm really excited about that, because I haven't been since I was 16 & I think it'll be a blast.

Catching Up on Life

It seems like we get so busy in the summer, between faire, camping & everything else we plan to & do get to do that I fall behind on everything else, especially the house. I've been trying every day since faire (minus the camping trip) to get caught up on my Facebook requests, without much luck. I think I'm just about there, though. I've spent today cleaning house, cooking (crockpot) and getting caught up & haven't done much else, so I'm actually making a little progress.

I don't like that we make all of these plans for our house or yard or whatever & they never seem to happen, though. It's fairly upsetting to me. We wanted to get lawn furniture & keep the backyard nice & maybe build an outdoor fireplace, but none of that really ever happened. We tried with the lawn, but it just kept dying, more & more. It just gets so hot back there that unless the sun has gone down, it's no fun to even be there. We were going to save up for furniture, but that hasn't happened yet, either, so, I guess we'll see what the future holds & if we get better at keeping our promises to ourselves.

Getting Ready to Leave

We're just about ready to load the car & head out. I'm pretty excited, as I always seem to be when we go camping. I just want to read, write & take pictures this weekend, and probably listen to a lot of music & enjoy time with my friends. This is what summer is all about to me, being in the great outdoors, sleeping under the stars & just relaxing. These are the things I miss so much when summer is over & what I look forward to every spring.

This will be a time to get away from the every day hassles, worries, concerns & questions about diet pills that work and a chance to just be myself & not have to concentrate on my normal life. I really do need to get the car loaded, head to the store & then over to Dawn's though, so we can hit the road. You all have a great weekend!

Ouch!

I hate the days when I wake up in so much pain, that that's all I can really even focus on. My back has been killing me since I woke up, I thought getting out of bed would help, but so far, it hasn't. I took my daily dose of ibuprofen & it hasn't even tried to touch the pain, yet. So, basically, I'm just miserable & I can't see an end in sight for it. I'm so tired of hurting all the time, I am beginning to wonder if a new mattress will even help or if I'm just screwed from here on out.

I know that I also have terrible posture, especially when sitting here at the computer, and hours of reading apidexin reviews and other things doesn't help much. I can't wait to get back to walking or working out every day, this sluggish life I've been leading lately is for the birds & it isn't helping me feel better or look better, either. I think I'm on the road to finding my motivation again & working on reaching my goal. I know that I don't want to ever be as big as I was again & that I enjoy getting smaller & smaller. I think a lot of my flagging resolve has to do with people in my life giving up & going back to the way things used to be & that's fine for them, but I can't let myself do that. This week, while camping, I intend to try very hard to eat right & in moderation, that's all I can do. I can't keep living out of control like I have been.

Pregnancy & Such

No, not me, although I did claim to be to Troy this morning, as a joke that both of us know would never be true. Morgan is having a tough time, emotionally, this time around. She feels like she's in the dark most of the time, regarding her partners finances and other things & I feel for her & hope she can find a way to talk to him about all of this stuff. I remember the first time around, with Beth, all she was worried about was which stretch mark cure really worked, and what the baby would look like and all of that. Now it seems likes she has the weight of the world on her shoulders. I hope things will start to come together for her, it's hard enough being a mommy, but going into something & feeling unsure all the time is even harder.

I'm feeling very lazy today, I took a very long nap & now I'm groggy & just want to go back to sleep. I have a lot to do today, but I can't do my laundry for the camping trip until Troy is done with his laundry & I can't really even take my shower until he's done, either. So, I guess I'll fix something to eat & see how much more he has to do & then go from there. I was feeling like a Harry Potter marathon, but I'm not sure if I have the energy to stay awake through them all now.

The Last One

Faire is over for another year & for us, forever, at least the volunteering part of it. We still haven't decided whether we'll go back & just play yet, or not. I can't picture Troy wandering around the park in a t-shirt & rocawear jeans, any more than I can see me doing that, so if we don't go to play, we won't go at all, I'm sure.

It all just got to be too much for us & we weren't having any fun. I knew when all I could think of was faire being over so I could listen to my new music & so we could go camping. In the past, we never wanted it to end, but that was back when we still got to play & have fun, which I can't remember the last time that happened for us. I'd love to go back as a guild & do the things all of the others do, and not have to work, I don't see them letting us do that, but it would really be nice if they did.

We have had offers from other Guilds, so we will have a place to park our butts when we get tired, but it's never the same as having your on space, you know? So, I guess we'll see what the future brings, we may just end up going to Age of Chivalry in Vegas & calling this one quits, at least for us.

Yuck.

I just feel like garbage today. I'm tired, my stomach is queasy & I don't even want to get dressed & go to faire. At all. I know how to lose weight fast, but this isn't it. I haven't been eating very well this week, when I actually remember to eat at all. I had baked chips & cherries for dinner when we got home last night, because nothing else even sounded remotely good. I didn't eat lunch until about 3 yesterday & had a hard time keeping my breakfast down. Today? I'm not even hungry at all yet, which is very unusual for me, I'm usually starving as soon as I get up in the morning.

Anyway, I'm stressed today & probably won't have time for a shower, since it looks like it's going to storm today & I really need to get dressed & head to the park to get the stuff that will be water damaged into the plastic bins.

Carefree Childhood

This week is the busiest of the year for us, the week of the Utah Midsummer Renaissance Faire. It starts today at 8:30 for us, with the Independence Day parade (yes, it's a day late, this is Utah, and yesterday was Sunday). We can't start setting the park up until the festivities on the park are all cleaned up, so we'll be working very late tonight to get the stage up & built. Tomorrow will start at 8:00, since we intend to have our encampment setup first thing, followed by our booth, so we can take care of everything else that has to be done that day.

I'd love to just go back to being one of the guilds who visits the faire every year, just once. It would be nice to hang out in our encampment, demonstrate some stuff & just add color to the faire, but honestly, I can't remember when that was all our Guild did, we've been volunteering, at least in some capacity, for 15 years now & we've been in Utah for 17, so pretty much, all of the time I've been with a Guild, we've been working at the faire.

It would be like going back to a carefree childhood, after years of worrying about paying rent, maintaining vehicles, your home ventilation, buying clothes for growing children, and taking care of everything else. Would we appreciate it, or would it just be a hassle after so much time "being in charge?" I'm thinking it would be hard for us to step back, really, we'd still be working, at least in our thoughts & wouldn't be able to relax anyway.

Just Sleepy

I know I didn't get enough sleep last night & should have gone to bed long before I did. I guess I thought the cats would let me sleep later than they do very other morning of my life. I was sadly mistaken & now it's all I can do to keep my eyes open, and of course, Troy is on night shift this week & is asleep in the bedroom. I don't want to go in & bother him, so unless I want to sleep on the couch (which is very uncomfortable) I'm stuck. Hopefully after while I'll start to feel less sleepy, because I hate days like this. I have far too much to do to sit around fighting sleep all day.

One thing I have to do today for sure is to get the buttons for faire designed & sent off to be approved so I can get them printed, because I'm far to late to try online printing because I put it off way too long. I've got to stop doing that, seriously. We leave on our camping trip in the morning, so I won't get a chance to work on them any more until Sunday, which is why I have to today. After the printing is done I have to actually make the buttons, which will be the time-consuming part & they have to be done before set-up week starts, which pretty much means I have until the 2nd. There are plenty of other things that I need to so, but none will be as mind-numbing as this, so I'd better get on it.

Dropped the Ball

I made a brilliant decision to put Rhi back on St. John's Wort for her depression, because it worked so well for her when she was younger. Of course, I didn't bother talking to her about it or anything, I just went out & bought it & brought it home for her. She was more than willing to start taking it again, but then she told me that when she gets back on the pill, she'll have to stop. Apparently one of it's interactions is with estrogen & makes the pill less effective, which defeats the purpose of even putting her on the pill. So, I dropped the ball on that.

That'll teach me to start reading warnings before I buy, like the side effects of clinislim, should I ever start taking that (I don't see that happening, but you never know) or interactions of herbal supplements. I used to be very good at doing that, somewhere along the line, I started slipping. I gotta get back on my game, I swear!

My "game" for tonight, however, is getting things done in preparation for faire, so I'm going to get started on that. Have a great night!

Stupid Skin

Summer is the only time it really bothers me, mostly because I'm showing off more skin, and feel like people are looking at me more. I really need to find an affordable eczema treatment, and get these patches cleared up. If that's not what it is, I need to go to the doctor & find out what it actually is, so I can get that cleared up. I'm tired of being self-conscious about my arms.

I had an amusing surprise while I was out shopping with my mom & Rhi this afternoon. We got to Bealls a lot, because my mom gets awesome coupons & shares them with me. We were checking out, and standing there just kind of chit-chatting & Rhi said something about Erin. The guy checking us out looks up at me & says, "I miss Erin." I looked closer & he started talking about how he & Erin had a band once & worked at KFC together & all of that & I finally realized the guy was the former singer in the band. He looked so clean cut & straight now that I would never have recognized him otherwise, It was hilarious. It was good seeing him, though & I told him to keep in touch with Erin so he could let him know when he was going to be in town next, so they can see each other.

Feeling Disconnected

I'm sure that all parents of adults feel out of touch with their kids at times. I'm going through on of those times. I think social networking sites want to make you feel like you're a part of peoples lives, but sometimes they just show you how out of touch you are. All of my kids have friends that I have no idea who they even are, it's more apparent with Rhi, because occasionally, they come & pick her up or she mentions them, and I'm sitting there thinking, "I didn't even know you had a friend named ----" and so on.

With Erin, he adds different people every day to his MySpace, people with strange names & strange appearances, I know, he meets them on the road and they all look normal to each other, but to a mother? Not so normal. I couldn't be more surprised if he listed one of his favorite websites as www.dietpillsformen.com, honestly. There are days when I just try to grin & bear it because I can't do anything else.

Garrett sometimes thinks I know what he's talking about when I don't & doesn't give me anymore information about whatever situation it is. I feel completely cut off in those circumstances, I wish I could change it, but he's 800 miles or so away, what can I do? Nothing.

No one tells you this will happen, though. They all make it seem like it's all good, all the time & everyone is one, big happy family. I don't even know why I bought into that in the first place, because I know that it isn't true. My parents could have told me that, or I could have seen it if I had just looked close enough. I guess that would be my own, damned fault, wouldn't it?

Happy Memorial Day!

Other than today being the unofficial start of Summer, today is a time to remember. A day to remember those who have fallen in defense of our country, our very way of life. I have so many people in my life that have served, and thankfully, all of them have come home safely. So today, I will forget about thoughts of face wash, diets, what workout is the best for me, Lipofuze and my dying lawn & say thank you.

Thank you, Preston.
Thank you, Phil.
Thank you, Dad.
Thank you, Craig.
Thank you, Troy.
Thank you, Steven.
Thank you, Shane.
Thank you, Ryan.
Thank you, Clay.
Thank you, Glen.
Thank you, Kurt.

And thank you to everyone who has ever served this great country, in peace & in wartime, you are what makes this country the nation she is.

This has been a momentous week for me. From last Monday through last night, so many things have happened in my life, I just can't even believe it. We finally put my grandmother to rest, visited our old home town, made peace with my long-lost brother and made contact with an old friend. We watched out grand-daughter turn 3 and today we'll celebrate the engagement of a friend. What a crazy 7 days!

Great Party!

Beth and everyone else had such a great day yesterday. I think this was the best birthday party ever, honestly. We rented a bounce house for 3 hours, so that was how the party got started, and that was pretty much all the kids could focus on, even through dinner. That's not really surprising, since little kids seems to have a food aversion anyway, unless it's sticky or sweet, right?

The only way we tore them away from the bounce for any length of time was to give them cake and let them make ice cream sundaes. The ice cream seemed to be a big hit with them, but all Beth cared about was the Tinkerbell toys on top of it. She let that idea go while she was opening her gifts, and she really enjoyed all of them. Her face lit up so brightly when she saw Troy with her tricycle, she looked up and said "That's my bike!" and was so excited she was shaking. It was just fantastic!

After everyone but Dawn, Jason & Davy left, we got things cleaned up & then we all played Rock Band for a couple hours or so. Sometimes it seems like we don't want to let go of the day when it's such a good one, you know? We had a great time together, then the day full of sun & good times took it's toll on all of us & it was time to say goodnight.

Today, Troy & I got the boxes in the bedroom unpacked & taken care of, so that was the one thing I wanted to get done this weekend & we actually did it, instead of continuing to put it off. He found a whole box of clothes that he'd been wondering where they had gotten off to, which was a very good thing & I found a bunch of stuff I'd been missing, like my jewelry & my collagen face cream. Hopefully my skin will start to shape up again now. Right now I look like an old lady, I swear!

Anyway, I need to step outside & turn the sprinklers on the front lawn & then hook up the hose so we can get the lawn by the road. The grass is trying to die on us & we can't have that. I love having a nice yard too much to take the chance.

Good News

We finally found out that due to the new healthcare reform laws, Rhi will qualify to receive our insurance again, until she's 26. This is so important to us, she's been having a lot of stomach aches & throwing up & we've all been very worried about her. e'll have to pay for her coverage, but we have pretty cheap health insurance, thankfully. I don't really care about the cost at this point, she needs to be able to go to the doctor & this is the only way that can happen.

Another weird thing? I'm in contact with the brother I haven't spoken to in almost 20 years & we seem to be trying to work out our issues. I hope so, I've missed him & it would be nice to have him in my life again, at least as much as he can be living out there & all. So, we'll see how that goes. I guess I'm going to pop some corn, get a cold drink & watch a little TV for awhile now. I'm tired, but want to relax a bit.

Finally Closure

My parents, Troy & I took a trip up to the northern part of the state, to Tooele, on Monday. When we got up, we had a bit of snow on the ground & there was rain in the forecast at both ends of the state, so I tried to dress as appropriately as possible, it's hard when you aren't sure what it's going to do.

The reason behind the trip was to make arrangements to have my grandmother's ashes interred with my grandfather. Since they already had a plot in Tooele & he was already buried there, it made sense to place her ashes with him. We'd been putting it off for one reason or another for almost 2 years & it was time to get it done, so we could all move on.

We went in the same car with my parents, and actually had a pretty time on the drive up, stopping in Delta at the cheese factory store & buying some curds, feta and such. e tried some mozzarella we were leaving that had to be the creamiest & best tasting I had ever had in my life. I had already paid and so I didn't get any, but my mom did. We left Delta and there was a lot of snow on the ground for quite a long ways after that. I started wishing I had worn my boots, since I didn't want my feet to get cold.

We finally got to Tooele, made our way to the cemetery office right on time, since it would close about 45 minutes later. We finally, after a few minutes, managed to convey what we were trying to do to the lady working there, went to the city offices to pay the fee & then to Walmart to buy a flower arrangement for the graves. In the meantime, Troy have called the monument place to try to get the date of grandma's death put on the headstone & we found out it was going to be nearly $300. We bought paint & sealer & I planned to add it myself.

When we got back to the cemetery they were burying her ashes, so we had to wait a bit. Dad & I wandered around awhile, seeing if anyone we had known was buried anywhere nearby, but the wind was much too cold for us to do that for very long. After they were done, we got the arrangement we had bought set up & I painted the date on & sealed it. Everything looked nice and well taken care of. We said goodbye to Tooele, since none of us plans to go up there for anything again (we lived there until I was 7 1/2) it was sort of bittersweet.

I couldn't get the mozzarella out of my head, so we stopped at the cheese store again on our way past & I bought some, and a pound of Danish mozzarella, pickled baby beets & pumpkin butter, too. Mom got Danish mozzarella & pineapple salsa. We were all so tired when we got home that all any of us could think about was bed. It was a good trip & it's done now, so we all feel so much better about it now.

Busy Already.

Troy & I got up at 5am to go & volunteer at our co-op, spent 2 1/2 hours doing that, followed our volunteer coordinator out to the store to unload our boxes for recycling, then came home, unloaded our baskets & ran to the store to buy buns, soda & plate plates & such. We got home, and I called mom & dad to come & pick their basket up. While we were waiting for them, I fixed my breakfast.

After they got here, we visited awhile, as we usually do. Troy took dad out to get the weed eater we need fixed, and take another look at the smokehouse & garden and all of that. Rhi got up during all of this & my dad told her he was almost ready for the two of them to go fishing. I showed my mom my new sundresses and we looked at the flowers coming up and everything. Right now, Troy & I are hanging out on our computers & staying out of the way while Rhi cleans, but in a few minutes we'll go down to my brother's house to borrow his tiller for our yard & I'll grab my grandma's recipe box, too.

I doubt that we get anything tilled up today, because we still have yard word to do before the party, but I know we'll do some while Troy's off this weekend, because I want to start getting stuff for the garden on payday. There are other things I need, like adult acne treatments and a cover for our gazebo, but we really need to get this garden in the ground or we'll have nothing this summer, so I'm willing to wait a little while longer, it'll be worth it in the long run.

20 Already

A week ago, my little girl turned 20. It's so hard for me to believe that I have absolutely no teens in my house anymore. I never thought the day would come. A lot of people don't look at 20 as a big milestone year, but I really do, it's the year you leave the teens behind you. We took her & her boyfriend out for dinner that evening & they both seemed to enjoy it.

We had originally planned to have her birthday party on the 9th, not realizing that was Mother's Day at the time, so we changed it to the 15th & are having a nice barbecue for her & our friend Davy, if he shows up. I made up a dozen turkey burger patties today & popped them in the freezer so they won't fall apart on the grill & bought hot dogs & veggies burgers, so we should have a pretty good meal together. I'm looking forward to it & so is Rhi.

We were going to get her an external hard drive, like she asked for, but when we upgraded our cell plan she needed a different phone to be able to fully use it, so we bought her that instead. She's happy with it, that's all that really matters.

What a Difference!

Jason was like a new man yesterday! It was amazing. We went out for our walk & Jason was the most gung-ho of all of us. He was raring to go, no matter how long it took or how far we were going. We went the entire 3 miles & he felt great about it. He was hurting when we were done, but that's to be expected, 3 miles is the longest he's walked in a long, long time. He finally has goals again & even made a pledge to the Pound-for-Pound Challenge. He & Garrett have a little side bet going to see which of them can lose the most weight by the end of the year, with each of them encouraging the other. I think it's awesome!

I just hope that he experiences some pretty quick weight loss, at least in the beginning, because otherwise, it can really get frustrating & you just want to quit. He can't afford to do that, not with his health already so compromised, he has to stay motivated & eager to get healthy, at least at this point in time.

Speaking of motivation, I need to get the house done before I lose the little I have today!