Somewhat Busy

Erin left for Phoenix with a friend the other day (Christmas Eve) and I haven't really heard from him since Saturday. I don't have any idea when he's coming home, but he promised he was, since I order straps for his ALICE pack & he needs them. I imagine I'll hear from him when he's on his way home, I just hope this friend doesn't leave him behind when she comes back.

I haven't really seen Rhi much over the past few days. She sleeps, gets up, does a few chores & heads out, coming home in the very early morning hours or not at all until the next day. Who knows what she's up to these days? She usually does this when she's seeing someone she knows we don't like or doing something she thinks we'll disapprove of. My opinion? It's her life, her business.

Today, after Troy wakes up, we're going to St. George again, to pick up a griddle for the kitchen & just kind of hang out. I'd like to look at prices on cookware, too, just to make sure we're getting the best deal on it we can. I'm sure we'll be wading through crowds of people returning gifts, buying Christmas clearance & trying to get a huge deal on popcorn machines, appliances & winter clothes, but that's okay, we can handle it.

Progress

Well, Erin is very likely going to be heading on his way without staying to take care of his legal problems, but, we expected that he'd feel that way once he sobered up. That's fine, we are a bit disappointed, but honestly, we wouldn't have room for him to stay here when he got out, anyway, so then we're stuck with another dilemma and one more stumbling block in our marriage that we really don't need, at least not right now. We can't continue being responsible for them for the rest of our lives, it's not fair to them or us.

On the more positive side, Rhi has been talking about joining the Job Corps & getting some job training, so that she can actually take care of herself. I'm hopeful that she'll actually follow through with this & at least contact them and see what her options are. I think it would be very good for her.

I've noticed something this holiday season, just like I did after we celebrated Ostara & not Easter. The ads on TV for extravagant gift-giving, like diamonds, cars, hp desktops, new furniture and the like are really irritating to me. I also keep thinking, "Wow, it's over already, change the freakin' commercials!" then stop & realize that these aren't ads for Yule, but Christmas & that isn't over yet. I was exactly the same way after Ostara. We'd go to the store & I couldn't figure out why in the world there were still so many Easter items out on the shelves. I have also found that by switching to the less Christianized versions of my own celebrations, I have also pretty much removed the commercialized versions as well & the tendency to over-indulge while shopping wasn't there. That was really nice.

Blessed Yule!

On this first day of winter we have cold rain pouring from the sky. There are floods in the towns & cities South of us, but none here, so far. This week has already been emotionally trying for me, as I found out in the early morning hours Sunday, that Erin has been using heroin. Now I can have one more thing that wakes me up in the night, one more thing that keeps me from getting to sleep in the first place & one more way I have to imagine him dying out there.

It's normal for us, especially in my generation, to worry about our parents dying, they are, after all, older than us & that is the natural course of events. We don't think of things like Mesothelioma so much these days, with work safety regulations being what they are regarding asbestos & such, even though it is what my own grandfather died from. My parents are fairly active & healthy for their ages, so I honestly think I worry more about Erin & Rhi dying than I do them, which is pretty depressing if I let it get to me.

Rhi qualified for a healthcare program, so soon she'll be able to get back on her medication & will start feeling much better, so I won't have to worry quite so much about her. Erin had given me a little hope that he was ready to turn himself in, serve his time & then get his life together, but nothing has been said since then, so I'm thinking he has changed his mind again. I hate when he gives me that hope & then tears it away like that, it's almost worse than never having any at all.

Getting it All Together

Things get complicated in our tiny house when Erin is home. It's almost too small the rest of the year, when it's me, Troy & Rhi, but you add Erin & his dog to the mix & it's definitely too small. Things don't get done like the do when it's less crowded, like vacuuming, taking the garbage out, cleaning the bathroom faucets, you know, the small stuff. Plus it seems like I have a constant dishwasher full of dishes & a sinkful, too. I can't seem to keep on top of them these days & that drives me crazy. Part of the dish issue is that we can't have the heater in Rhi's room on when the dishwasher is running or we trip a breaker, so I have to remember to ask her to turn it off & then remember to turn the dishwasher on, unlike the rest of the year when I can run it whenever it needs it & I don't have to try to remember it.

So, yeah, it's a little frustrating right now & I'm sure I'll get most frustrated before he heads back out again, but hopefully, I won't blow a gasket between then & now. I don't know, I usually do, unfortunately.

A Little Progress

I've started on those Yule gifts I was talking about, and so far, the parts that I have finished are turning out quite nicely. I had to go all the way to St. George to buy the brass rings that serve as the base for the project, but Michael's had a great price on them & it was a nice little trip for Troy & I.

We got the stuff I needed for those, popped in to Target & bought our replacement stockings and an adorable present for Tiny for Yule. It's a stuffed lobster dinner, served on a flying disk "plate" and I know she'll love it, because there are no smelly rubber or plastic toys in it, which she won't touch. We also grabbed a few little things for Beth's stocking.

We browsed around in Pier 1, wishing we were rich & could afford to buy all of their nice things, but since we can't, we left without anything. It was a quick, little trip where we didn't spend much money, but we did take care of what we went down there for.

Nearly Finished

We hadn't planned a huge "Christmas" this year, in fact, we aren't even celebrating it officially in our home. We are celebrating Yule though, and not really exchanging a lot of gifts. I got Erin's dog, Bella out of the pound in Arkansas last summer & he said that could be his gift. We gave Rhi some money so she could get a new phone, and she was completely happy with that. Troy bought me a new camera back in October & I got him Fallout: New Vegas & am getting him Red Dead Redemption, too & that finishes out the gifts we're getting for us. We are exchanging gifts with our friends and are mostly done with that, as well, and what we bought for the grandbabies. We're doing stockings, but on Yule morning, so we need to get stuff for that, but all in all, I've really enjoyed the lack of stress about the upcoming holidays & worrying that everyone won't like what we bought or that we won't have enough money to get everything we "need" to buy.

I've really liked being able to focus on what the season means, hunting down the perfect card (that doesn't say "Christmas" on it) and decorating my Yule tree. I'm getting out rituals prepared, planning a couple of baby namings & Morgan's 21st birthday party. Here it is, early December and instead of scurrying around, shopping until I pass out, I have time to research the best weight loss supplements, plan our party menu, wrap gifts & surf the web. It's been incredibly nice, especially taking time this morning to go out for banana bread French toast at IHoP.

Today, I'm going to start some handmade items that I'm adding to my friends gifts, because, to me, that's truly the spirit of Yule; giving of yourself. I'm excited to get started on them & hope they turn out as I'm envisioning them.