Missing

I'm missing Erin today. I haven't heard from him since I sent him the money to get Bella out of the pound. I hope he's okay & that all is well. I dreamed of him the other day, dreamed that he texted me (which has never happened) and said "Hey mom, it's Erin. I'm on my way home." In a way it was comforting, but also kind of scary. I don't know why the dream bothered me, but it surely did.

I think of him often. I wonder if he has a new girlfriend, how Bella is, if he's eating enough & drinking too much. I wonder if his nodular acne ever cleared up, if he still has dreads, if he'll be warm enough this fall & mostly where he is & if he's safe. Thankfully, most of you have no idea what it's like to never know where one of your kids is & if they're alive. I wish I didn't know what it's like, it's the most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life. I try to convince myself, daily, that he is okay & that he'll continue to be okay, but I have days, like today, when I miss him & it's very, very hard. Hopefully, he'll call me soon.