The Bad with the Good

I found out yesterday that our daughter is marrying this man she's living with, within the next couple of weeks.  Her reasoning? Her probation officer told her she couldn't live there - that the home doesn't meet their requirements for one reason or another (I could name a few - weapons, alcohol & do on). So, I guess if they're married he can't say anything, at least in her mind. I'm thinking they'll still have to get rid of the weapons & alcohol. I know she believes that she's in love with him. She always does, no matter who she's involved with. She claims that she's wanted to be with him for 3 years - funny, she was with one guy she claimed to love then & stepping out with another one that she claimed was her soul-mate & the only man she'd ever love back then. So.. while I'm sure he's buying into it, I lived with her then, I know who she was all about 3 years ago. We aren't going (I wasn't invited, nor was her brother), she did ask my husband if he'd  do the ceremony and he didn't tell her he wouldn't. I kind of threw a fit & forbade it, being that it not only puts him in a bad position, but it indicates a tacit approval of the way she's living, so he will be telling her he won't perform it. I know it seems like a shitty thing for me to do, but he didn't want to do it in the first place. He never feels great about marrying couples he feels like are getting married for the wrong reasons, and then to have all of this trauma & drama connected to her, he doesn't need the guilt.

The good? Today is our son's 1 year clean & sober date. A year ago, in the early hours of the morning, I picked him up from the bus stop, in the next city south of us. We spent that 45 minute drive home doing a lot of talking. He did a lot of confessing & there were a lot of tears. We dropped my daughter off at her home & we spent a few hours talking, crying and trying to make sense of the craziness he had lived over the years. We both slept awhile, then started the day with some more of the same. There were months where all it seemed we did was talk & cry, but those times grew less & less and the happy times started to fill their place. There were days of triumph & days of sadness for him, but in the end he is a much stronger, happier - content man & we are very proud of him.

Our daughter tells us AA doesn't work. Our son (and my husband) show us every day that it does, as long as you work the program.

An Odd Feeling

I tried, very hard actually, while my children were growing up to do all the right things. Sadly, I really only had the tools that I was raised with & those methods weren't all that great. I had a nasty temper, I took a lot of things out on the kids and had very little patience with them. I never imagined that they'd all be addicts of one sort or another, I knew that they had the potential, if I believed that genetics had anything to do with addiction (and I did & do), but I thought that my "stellar" parenting would help them avoid those temptations.

Anyway, I drove my two youngest (21 & 23) to an AA meeting yesterday, and when I saw them get out together & head for the door, I was a bit sad & guilty feeling, thinking, "Wow. What kind of a mother has to take two of her kids to an alcoholics anonymous meeting?" Suddenly, the smarter side of me said, "A really good one, who cares that her kids get help for their addictions, that's what kind." I mentioned it to my son later on, he told me the same thing & said he was really happy that his sister had come with him, because it was good to see her & spend a little time with her. He goes every day, usually 2-3 times a day, to different meetings, including NA. She rarely goes, so we don't know if she's sober or struggling, and when I ask she tells me she's sober, so that's all I have to go on.

Here I go, rambling again.. anyway, it felt strange to see them goign together, but it also felt good, if you know what I mean?

Brrrrr!

Winter came back with a vengeance today. We had a nice couple of weeks there, where it was warm enough to be outside without a jacket on as long as the sun was up. I kind of got a bit spoiled by it all, I think. It snowed a bit today & has been cold since I got out of bed. I really just want to put my PJs on & climb in bed, reading until I fall asleep. I haven't had enough sleep in a few days and I'm starting to feel it.

Our son came home on Wednesday morning, being forced to leave without much notice by his fiancee on Tuesday morning. By Friday morning, she had broken up with him, after promising to give their relationship a lot of thinking. It seems that 3 days was plenty. He was devastated, and had really counted on being given a chance to change the way he was treating her & living his life. He didn't let the break up change his determination to stay sober & continue to work his program. He knows he has to move past these issues in his life or he'll never have a partner that he can love forever & he really does want that.

So, we're in the process of him trying to figure out what comes next & hoping his friend can help him get a job, so that he can pay his fines, do his probation & not worry about jail so much anymore. Then maybe he can go to school and start to get the rest of his life together. So far, though, things are going well. He's making it to at least 2 meetings a day and doing well when he makes contact with people he used to party with. I'm pretty proud of him.

Poor Kid

So, apparently a local telemarketing company called Rhi a couple of days ago & told her they wanted to interview her. She set up an appointment for this morning at 8. I picked her up & came home, letting her take the car so I didn't have to sit out in the cold & wait for her. She texted me awhile later & was very upset & angry, but was going to check on a couple of other applications she had turned in at other places before coming back.

When she did get here, she told me she went in there & the guy she was supposed to talk to was very rude to her & acted like he had no idea why she was there. Then he informed her that they weren't going to interview her at all & had no idea why she thought they were. She left & sat in the car awhile crying. I am so angry that they keep treating her like this. She was done with that company after the last time she went in & interviewed, but they called her this time, so was pretty excited & hopeful about it. This guy has such a fat head that I think he needs to find the
best diet pills that are made & try to cure it before someone sues him & that company. He had no excuse to treat her that way, they may not be pleased with her performance when she worked there at 16 (when she was an undiagnosed bipolar), but she's still a human being & deserves a little respect because of that, if for no other reason.

I get so upset for her. She's trying so hard to find a job & stand on her own feet & no one will give her a chance. There are so many people that she knows that have screwed up worse than she ever did that keep getting hired, but not her. She can't catch a break with a net anymore. I'm really hoping things will turn around for her, soon.