Just Sleepy

I know I didn't get enough sleep last night & should have gone to bed long before I did. I guess I thought the cats would let me sleep later than they do very other morning of my life. I was sadly mistaken & now it's all I can do to keep my eyes open, and of course, Troy is on night shift this week & is asleep in the bedroom. I don't want to go in & bother him, so unless I want to sleep on the couch (which is very uncomfortable) I'm stuck. Hopefully after while I'll start to feel less sleepy, because I hate days like this. I have far too much to do to sit around fighting sleep all day.

One thing I have to do today for sure is to get the buttons for faire designed & sent off to be approved so I can get them printed, because I'm far to late to try online printing because I put it off way too long. I've got to stop doing that, seriously. We leave on our camping trip in the morning, so I won't get a chance to work on them any more until Sunday, which is why I have to today. After the printing is done I have to actually make the buttons, which will be the time-consuming part & they have to be done before set-up week starts, which pretty much means I have until the 2nd. There are plenty of other things that I need to so, but none will be as mind-numbing as this, so I'd better get on it.

Dropped the Ball

I made a brilliant decision to put Rhi back on St. John's Wort for her depression, because it worked so well for her when she was younger. Of course, I didn't bother talking to her about it or anything, I just went out & bought it & brought it home for her. She was more than willing to start taking it again, but then she told me that when she gets back on the pill, she'll have to stop. Apparently one of it's interactions is with estrogen & makes the pill less effective, which defeats the purpose of even putting her on the pill. So, I dropped the ball on that.

That'll teach me to start reading warnings before I buy, like the side effects of clinislim, should I ever start taking that (I don't see that happening, but you never know) or interactions of herbal supplements. I used to be very good at doing that, somewhere along the line, I started slipping. I gotta get back on my game, I swear!

My "game" for tonight, however, is getting things done in preparation for faire, so I'm going to get started on that. Have a great night!

Stupid Skin

Summer is the only time it really bothers me, mostly because I'm showing off more skin, and feel like people are looking at me more. I really need to find an affordable eczema treatment, and get these patches cleared up. If that's not what it is, I need to go to the doctor & find out what it actually is, so I can get that cleared up. I'm tired of being self-conscious about my arms.

I had an amusing surprise while I was out shopping with my mom & Rhi this afternoon. We got to Bealls a lot, because my mom gets awesome coupons & shares them with me. We were checking out, and standing there just kind of chit-chatting & Rhi said something about Erin. The guy checking us out looks up at me & says, "I miss Erin." I looked closer & he started talking about how he & Erin had a band once & worked at KFC together & all of that & I finally realized the guy was the former singer in the band. He looked so clean cut & straight now that I would never have recognized him otherwise, It was hilarious. It was good seeing him, though & I told him to keep in touch with Erin so he could let him know when he was going to be in town next, so they can see each other.

Feeling Disconnected

I'm sure that all parents of adults feel out of touch with their kids at times. I'm going through on of those times. I think social networking sites want to make you feel like you're a part of peoples lives, but sometimes they just show you how out of touch you are. All of my kids have friends that I have no idea who they even are, it's more apparent with Rhi, because occasionally, they come & pick her up or she mentions them, and I'm sitting there thinking, "I didn't even know you had a friend named ----" and so on.

With Erin, he adds different people every day to his MySpace, people with strange names & strange appearances, I know, he meets them on the road and they all look normal to each other, but to a mother? Not so normal. I couldn't be more surprised if he listed one of his favorite websites as www.dietpillsformen.com, honestly. There are days when I just try to grin & bear it because I can't do anything else.

Garrett sometimes thinks I know what he's talking about when I don't & doesn't give me anymore information about whatever situation it is. I feel completely cut off in those circumstances, I wish I could change it, but he's 800 miles or so away, what can I do? Nothing.

No one tells you this will happen, though. They all make it seem like it's all good, all the time & everyone is one, big happy family. I don't even know why I bought into that in the first place, because I know that it isn't true. My parents could have told me that, or I could have seen it if I had just looked close enough. I guess that would be my own, damned fault, wouldn't it?

Happy Memorial Day!

Other than today being the unofficial start of Summer, today is a time to remember. A day to remember those who have fallen in defense of our country, our very way of life. I have so many people in my life that have served, and thankfully, all of them have come home safely. So today, I will forget about thoughts of face wash, diets, what workout is the best for me, Lipofuze and my dying lawn & say thank you.

Thank you, Preston.
Thank you, Phil.
Thank you, Dad.
Thank you, Craig.
Thank you, Troy.
Thank you, Steven.
Thank you, Shane.
Thank you, Ryan.
Thank you, Clay.
Thank you, Glen.
Thank you, Kurt.

And thank you to everyone who has ever served this great country, in peace & in wartime, you are what makes this country the nation she is.

This has been a momentous week for me. From last Monday through last night, so many things have happened in my life, I just can't even believe it. We finally put my grandmother to rest, visited our old home town, made peace with my long-lost brother and made contact with an old friend. We watched out grand-daughter turn 3 and today we'll celebrate the engagement of a friend. What a crazy 7 days!

Great Party!

Beth and everyone else had such a great day yesterday. I think this was the best birthday party ever, honestly. We rented a bounce house for 3 hours, so that was how the party got started, and that was pretty much all the kids could focus on, even through dinner. That's not really surprising, since little kids seems to have a food aversion anyway, unless it's sticky or sweet, right?

The only way we tore them away from the bounce for any length of time was to give them cake and let them make ice cream sundaes. The ice cream seemed to be a big hit with them, but all Beth cared about was the Tinkerbell toys on top of it. She let that idea go while she was opening her gifts, and she really enjoyed all of them. Her face lit up so brightly when she saw Troy with her tricycle, she looked up and said "That's my bike!" and was so excited she was shaking. It was just fantastic!

After everyone but Dawn, Jason & Davy left, we got things cleaned up & then we all played Rock Band for a couple hours or so. Sometimes it seems like we don't want to let go of the day when it's such a good one, you know? We had a great time together, then the day full of sun & good times took it's toll on all of us & it was time to say goodnight.

Today, Troy & I got the boxes in the bedroom unpacked & taken care of, so that was the one thing I wanted to get done this weekend & we actually did it, instead of continuing to put it off. He found a whole box of clothes that he'd been wondering where they had gotten off to, which was a very good thing & I found a bunch of stuff I'd been missing, like my jewelry & my collagen face cream. Hopefully my skin will start to shape up again now. Right now I look like an old lady, I swear!

Anyway, I need to step outside & turn the sprinklers on the front lawn & then hook up the hose so we can get the lawn by the road. The grass is trying to die on us & we can't have that. I love having a nice yard too much to take the chance.

Good News

We finally found out that due to the new healthcare reform laws, Rhi will qualify to receive our insurance again, until she's 26. This is so important to us, she's been having a lot of stomach aches & throwing up & we've all been very worried about her. e'll have to pay for her coverage, but we have pretty cheap health insurance, thankfully. I don't really care about the cost at this point, she needs to be able to go to the doctor & this is the only way that can happen.

Another weird thing? I'm in contact with the brother I haven't spoken to in almost 20 years & we seem to be trying to work out our issues. I hope so, I've missed him & it would be nice to have him in my life again, at least as much as he can be living out there & all. So, we'll see how that goes. I guess I'm going to pop some corn, get a cold drink & watch a little TV for awhile now. I'm tired, but want to relax a bit.

Finally Closure

My parents, Troy & I took a trip up to the northern part of the state, to Tooele, on Monday. When we got up, we had a bit of snow on the ground & there was rain in the forecast at both ends of the state, so I tried to dress as appropriately as possible, it's hard when you aren't sure what it's going to do.

The reason behind the trip was to make arrangements to have my grandmother's ashes interred with my grandfather. Since they already had a plot in Tooele & he was already buried there, it made sense to place her ashes with him. We'd been putting it off for one reason or another for almost 2 years & it was time to get it done, so we could all move on.

We went in the same car with my parents, and actually had a pretty time on the drive up, stopping in Delta at the cheese factory store & buying some curds, feta and such. e tried some mozzarella we were leaving that had to be the creamiest & best tasting I had ever had in my life. I had already paid and so I didn't get any, but my mom did. We left Delta and there was a lot of snow on the ground for quite a long ways after that. I started wishing I had worn my boots, since I didn't want my feet to get cold.

We finally got to Tooele, made our way to the cemetery office right on time, since it would close about 45 minutes later. We finally, after a few minutes, managed to convey what we were trying to do to the lady working there, went to the city offices to pay the fee & then to Walmart to buy a flower arrangement for the graves. In the meantime, Troy have called the monument place to try to get the date of grandma's death put on the headstone & we found out it was going to be nearly $300. We bought paint & sealer & I planned to add it myself.

When we got back to the cemetery they were burying her ashes, so we had to wait a bit. Dad & I wandered around awhile, seeing if anyone we had known was buried anywhere nearby, but the wind was much too cold for us to do that for very long. After they were done, we got the arrangement we had bought set up & I painted the date on & sealed it. Everything looked nice and well taken care of. We said goodbye to Tooele, since none of us plans to go up there for anything again (we lived there until I was 7 1/2) it was sort of bittersweet.

I couldn't get the mozzarella out of my head, so we stopped at the cheese store again on our way past & I bought some, and a pound of Danish mozzarella, pickled baby beets & pumpkin butter, too. Mom got Danish mozzarella & pineapple salsa. We were all so tired when we got home that all any of us could think about was bed. It was a good trip & it's done now, so we all feel so much better about it now.

Busy Already.

Troy & I got up at 5am to go & volunteer at our co-op, spent 2 1/2 hours doing that, followed our volunteer coordinator out to the store to unload our boxes for recycling, then came home, unloaded our baskets & ran to the store to buy buns, soda & plate plates & such. We got home, and I called mom & dad to come & pick their basket up. While we were waiting for them, I fixed my breakfast.

After they got here, we visited awhile, as we usually do. Troy took dad out to get the weed eater we need fixed, and take another look at the smokehouse & garden and all of that. Rhi got up during all of this & my dad told her he was almost ready for the two of them to go fishing. I showed my mom my new sundresses and we looked at the flowers coming up and everything. Right now, Troy & I are hanging out on our computers & staying out of the way while Rhi cleans, but in a few minutes we'll go down to my brother's house to borrow his tiller for our yard & I'll grab my grandma's recipe box, too.

I doubt that we get anything tilled up today, because we still have yard word to do before the party, but I know we'll do some while Troy's off this weekend, because I want to start getting stuff for the garden on payday. There are other things I need, like adult acne treatments and a cover for our gazebo, but we really need to get this garden in the ground or we'll have nothing this summer, so I'm willing to wait a little while longer, it'll be worth it in the long run.

20 Already

A week ago, my little girl turned 20. It's so hard for me to believe that I have absolutely no teens in my house anymore. I never thought the day would come. A lot of people don't look at 20 as a big milestone year, but I really do, it's the year you leave the teens behind you. We took her & her boyfriend out for dinner that evening & they both seemed to enjoy it.

We had originally planned to have her birthday party on the 9th, not realizing that was Mother's Day at the time, so we changed it to the 15th & are having a nice barbecue for her & our friend Davy, if he shows up. I made up a dozen turkey burger patties today & popped them in the freezer so they won't fall apart on the grill & bought hot dogs & veggies burgers, so we should have a pretty good meal together. I'm looking forward to it & so is Rhi.

We were going to get her an external hard drive, like she asked for, but when we upgraded our cell plan she needed a different phone to be able to fully use it, so we bought her that instead. She's happy with it, that's all that really matters.

What a Difference!

Jason was like a new man yesterday! It was amazing. We went out for our walk & Jason was the most gung-ho of all of us. He was raring to go, no matter how long it took or how far we were going. We went the entire 3 miles & he felt great about it. He was hurting when we were done, but that's to be expected, 3 miles is the longest he's walked in a long, long time. He finally has goals again & even made a pledge to the Pound-for-Pound Challenge. He & Garrett have a little side bet going to see which of them can lose the most weight by the end of the year, with each of them encouraging the other. I think it's awesome!

I just hope that he experiences some pretty quick weight loss, at least in the beginning, because otherwise, it can really get frustrating & you just want to quit. He can't afford to do that, not with his health already so compromised, he has to stay motivated & eager to get healthy, at least at this point in time.

Speaking of motivation, I need to get the house done before I lose the little I have today!

Fun Times

We had a pretty good time this past weekend, in spite of some scary stuff going on. I have four best friends: Troy (obviously), Dawn, Ryan and Jason. Dawn, Ryan & Jason all went to Baker reservoir this past Saturday to celebrate Jason's brother Day's birthday. We weren't able to go because Troy had to work that night. Apparently, Jason had been up all the night before, not feeling well and hadn't really told anyone. They got to the lake & he couldn't eat or really even enjoy himself, to the point that as the day grew later, Dawn started asking him if he needed to go to the ER. He finally said that he didn't know & that was enough for her. She & Nate (another good friend) loaded him up & headed for St. George, because they were closer to that hospital than ours & they have a better ER staff than we do.

After a few hours they found out his blood sugars were over 600 & realized that was most likely the problem, although they didn't rule out an ulcer, his gall bladder or colitis either. He was admitted & Dawn headed home. In the meantime, those of us here in town, help a healing circle for him and then a few of us hung out afterwards. Dawn eventually showed up here & everyone left at around 3:30am or so.

Beth was very cute because she walked in, half asleep & instantly said, "Where Papa?" When I told her he was at work she nodded & sat down on the couch, falling asleep, I'm sure. The day before, she wanted to know "Where Tiny?" and "Where Aunt Rhi?" so she's really starting to get who lives here and enjoys playing in the yard so much.

We got a bit more time with her on Mother's Day, since we had everyone over for dinner. She was kind of being a brat about eating her own food, but that's okay, she ate & that's all that matters. She made the grandmas really cute little bracelets with pipe cleaners & beads and one for Rhi for her birthday, too. I've worn mine since she gave it to me and I just love it. She chose the beads & put them one & that makes it so special to me.

Jason's out of the hospital now & on insulin, as far as I know. I hope that he's able to keep his blood sugar down where it belongs now and will continue to do well with the weight loss. He worries us so much sometimes.

Catching Up

I haven't been posting here a lot lately, I think as you become less involved in the parenting process, it becomes harder to find things to talk about. It doesn't mean that I love them any less, but it's more like our relationships have moved to that place where we're more like friends. I'm terrific with that, it's what we strive for as parents, I believe, to raise children that someday you would like to be friends with. You share more than a genetic code with them, after all, you have similar memories, interests, tastes in food and so on, and, if you've done your job right, you can actually tolerate being around the adults that your children are now.

Garrett seems to be coping with not being chosen for The Biggest Loser, I hope he finds the determination to do it on his own, as it has been so rewarding for me to watch myself shrink & know that I feel better every day. I want that sense of accomplishment for him.

Erin was in Phoenix the last time I heard, heading for Flagstaff to hop a train east. He's been trying to meet friends in Tennessee for awhile & he's finally out of California & back on his way. He sounded good, like he was happy, which is really all I want from him, well, that & to be safe.

Rhi is okay, too. She's been having some stomach trouble, but she thinks she's narrowed it down to coffee & is cutting that out. Hopefully, that will help her a lot, or even just some. She has a new guy, too. It's a guy we've known for a few years, about 5 or so I think. He's going through a divorce (we officiated at his wedding) and has a four-year old son. I'm very comfortable with the relationship, but her daddy is going to take a little while to get used to it. He's about 8 years older than her, but he seems to really respect her & care for her, so, we'll see how it pans out. We can't control who our children love, after all. All I know for sure is that she glows from the inside again, like she ate a Murray Feiss lighting fixture. She's happy, inspired & confident, which are all very important to us.

Troy & I are fine. We bought a chest freezer the other day & were so thrilled to have been able to just go down to the store, pick it out & pay for it with our debit card that it was really almost funny. It's nice to not have credit cards, in a way never expected. The no debt thing is great, but knowing when you buy something that it's truly yours & you owe nothing on it, that feeling is amazing. I didn't think we'd be okay without any, but now I'm sure we'll be just fine.

Scratchy

My throat, that is. I was up at 5:30 this morning, because it wouldn't stop itching & I knew I'd never be able to get back to sleep. So, I got up, took my cold medicine & got on the laptop to wait for it to kick in. In the meantime, I fixed a cup of coffee (I have a single cup brewer) and drank about half of it. I couldn't finish it because it was making me nauseous. I knew I was hungry & that was probably what was wrong, so I had some yogurt, fed the animals & waited for Troy to get home, so he could go out to the freezer & get me some waffles. I didn't have my shoes on yet & couldn't bear the thought of going out into the snow at that point.

I'm doing okay, just not feeling great is all. I'll survive & as long as I don't run out of cold medicine, I'll feel fine, at least for about 3:15 at a time. Anyway, time for lunch & TV, have a great afternoon!

Concerns

I'm dreading Troy's next checkup, just because we always seem to find out the worst things about his health at them. He can be feeling great and doing well & all of the sudden, the doctor says his A1C is too high, or his blood sugar is out of control, or his cholesterol sucks or it's his blood pressure. Right now, I'm concerned by the cholesterol, because he can't take stantin drugs, and that's just about all they give people to lower it. I'm thinking of going to www.cholesteroltreatments.com to see if they have any good tips for him, that don't involve medications.

I never worry about my own health, I know if I feel well or not & usually, if I don't, I know what's causing it. When I'm scared, I go to the doctor, but it's been a rare occasion for me. I worry about him all the time, and he never seems to know when something is wrong with him. Come on, his gall bladder was gangrenous & he never knew he was even having problems with it, so I can't trust that he'll know when there are other things going wrong.

Let's just say I'm not looking forward to it & leave it at that.

Health & Weight

I just realized that my previous post about Garrett probably sounded a little uncaring or harsh or whatever, but it wasn't intended to. He has a good life, he's got a great wife, a good job & a lot of friends & he's very happy. He has been fighting a battle with his weight for most of his life, and there are times when it just wears him down. He was born with club foot (like me) and has bad knees & ankles as a result of it. The extra weight really aggravates those conditions, to the point where there are already certain types of jobs he can't do. If he could find a weight loss plan that he could live with or diet pills that work for him, he could probably do it on his own, but he hasn't had a lot of luck with that so far.

I just want him to find the self-confidence & peace that my weight loss journey has led me to, and the joy of knowing that he made his life better by taking control of food & not letting it control him. I love my son, no matter what weight he is. I just want him to have a long, healthy life is all.

Ants

I cannot believe how many of those tiny ants are in my house right now. I have traps set up in two different room and still there are ants all over the place. Dawn's having the same problem right now, too & is using traps for it with no luck. I actually watched an ant run into a trap yesterday & then back out again a few seconds later. WTF? Seriously? I can't stand them & just want them out of my house!

Garrett didn't get his call from The Biggest Loser, so that was incredibly disappointing for him (and all of us). I'm not sure what he plans to do now, but I hope he continues on his path to try to gain better health. He has so much life in front of him, and it would be so much better for him to take it on at a healthier weight.

Erin called me from Phoenix a few days ago, he was on his way to Flagstaff to try to catch an eastbound train. He's trying to get to Tennessee before the Rainbow Gathering, so he can help out with set up and all of that. I can't believe it's been almost a year since he left home & started this lifestyle of his. I never thought we'd make it through those first few months of worry.

Rhi is still looking for work, although my parents have hired her for odd jobs around their place & she's been going out there to get stuff done. It'll be nice for her to be able to have a little money of her own for a change & she's really looking forward to it.

Troy & I are doing fine,although we still aren't getting enough sleep. I imagine that will keep happening until we get that bedroom door put up & can keep the cats out. I think I'm going to see if we can get that done this afternoon sometime.

Tired

I feel like we have a newborn in the house these days. Tiny wakes us up between 3:30 & 5am, to get on the bed. She won't jump up unless we tell her she can, but before that, she'll sit by the side of the bed & stare at you until you wake up. If you still ignore her, she'll start licking your hands. We let her up & generally can sleep until 6 or so, then she needs out. As soon as we let her back in, the cats start their little starvation dance, which involves scratching on my sewing chair, then jumping on the dresser & on to the radio, getting yelled at, jumping on the bed & starting over again until someone gets up. I could probably sleep through the cats, but Tiny hears them & gets worried that it's her fault their being bad & starts trying to distract us from them.

I was so tired this morning & so whiney, that I almost considered trying to find some natural sleeping pills at the store today, just so I could sleep through all of it tomorrow morning. I'm still tempted to go & see what I can find, but a lot of times any of that stuff gives me a headache in the morning & I have enough of those already that it's not really worth the risk to me. Hopefully the animals will adjust to the new house eventually & stop doing this every morning, if not, we'll have to put a door up to keep the cats out.

Excitement

We had a really great weekend with our friends, especially on Saturday. Troy & I went & picked up our share from the co-op & then visited with mom & dad awhile when they came to get theirs, but after that, we all met up at Dawn's & headed for Baker Reservoir for the day. We brought food for lunch & dinner and all of the kids brought clothes to play in the lake in. It was a beautiful area & the weather was warm & wonderful. Everyone had such a fantastic time that no one really wanted to go home that night. We were all exhausted, but not willing to give up the feeling of camaraderie & fellowship.

Troy & Ryan got together the next morning to empty out our storage unit & I went shopping with my mom. After that, Troy, Ryan & I sat around and watched the Deadliest Warrior marathon until Dawn answered my text & we all went over there to hang out & have dinner together. Dawn & I made kabobs, Jason grilled them & we ate at around 9:30, but it was worth wait & we all enjoyed spending a little more time together.

I really love our friends & the time we have together, we are so fortunate to have them in our lives, especially considering how long we've waited & everything we went through to get where we are with friends in this place.

We are all starting to get very excited about the new baby & can't wait to find out the gender so we can start buying things for it. I plan to start looking for baby shower invitations, so that I can at least help out with that part of the shower, even if I'm not great about giving stuff like that. I never feel creative enough to make them successful events, even though people seem to have a good time. Vicki is much better at planning & hosting those type of things & I'm hoping she'll want to, since it is her niece or nephew being born & all. I know, at the very least, she'll play a pretty big role in the festivities, which will help out a lot.

Anyway, it's getting late & the day starts early tomorrow, so I think I'm going to head to bed.

New Phone

So, while we were at the courthouse, down in St. George today, I had to go to the bathroom. My cell fell out of my pocket & the hinge on the door broke & wouldn't stay shut. That keeps the screensaver from activating & the light from going out, because it's always being triggered to turn back on, thus draining the battery pretty damned quick. I knew I had no choice but to get a new phone, so I went & told Troy & on our way back home, we stopped in & told them that I broke my phone & needed to get a new one. I actually just asked Cassie what phones were good, since she knows I like the QWERTY keyboard & texting is more important to me than calling. She recommended the LG Rumor, and I really liked it, since it has a slot for a microSD card & I can play music (and use it for ringtones), I can also shoot video with it & it has a pretty nice camera, too. I picked out the metallic green & black & just have to wait until next week to get it, because they were out in our office & needed to have one sent up to me. I'm using a loaner Krazor (or however you spell it) right now, which is okay, but hard to get used to a numeric keyboard again.

While we were in there, we upgraded our plan to unlimited text, data & MMS, and that didn't really cost us that much more, so none of us has to go out on a sales job search to try to earn enough money to pay for it. All in all, it was a pretty good day, since Rhi ended up with a new phone, too & is pretty happy about it.

Right now, I'm relaxing & watching Weeds season 2 on streaming video (we signed up for Netflix, too). I really think that it was a great deal for what we get out of it, I may even downgrade my cable package because of it. Anyway, I'm going to get back to watching!